View Full Version : Gore: Record Cold Snap Is Actually Global Warming

01-18-2009, 09:59 PM
Just back from a world tour to promote his new book, No, Really, It Is Global Warming! Internet inventor Al Gore talked to Stoos Views in an effort to address mounting world skepticism about global warming and whether Gore is indeed the savior of the planet. Stopping by Stoos Views headquarters in Wynstone, South Dakota, Gore talked to the reporter while lending a hand clearing the four feet of global warming off his driveway.

“To the uneducated and those, unlike myself, who are untrained in geography, climatology, physics, chemistry and astronomy,” Gore began, “it might appear that it has been unusually cold these past few weeks. If you are like the vast majority of Americans who know nothing about science and are standing there in your four and five foot snow drifts, facing fifty below wind chills, and wondering about the thirty below temperatures from Wyoming to Vermont, and temperatures in the single digits in Georgia, you might say to yourself, ‘how can the winner of the Nobel Prize and Inventor of the Internet be so wrong’?”

Gore continued, “Actually, these bone chilling record temperatures are perfectly consistent with global warming and exactly what I expected. This is what I call “Polar Displacement.” The inconvenient truth is that the North Pole is so warm now that huge masses of hot polar air are rising upwards, displacing the formerly cold air and pushing the old arctic air downward. The effect is that the formerly frigid arctic air is now pushed into the United States, Europe and Asia, causing record lows in those regions. While polar bears are clinging to what little ice remains in the North Pole, shedding their coats, and sweating in the warm waters of the Arctic as steam clouds are rising, the countries of North America, Europe and Asia are getting colder and colder. The unusual polar warmth worries the polar bears and causes them to emit methane more frequently, which simply compounds the problem. In time, this unusual cold snap will abate as warm winds blow in from the North Pole; North America, Europe and Asia will thaw and turn into desert while the equatorial countries will eventually experience a mini ice age and become frigid as well. If you had studied these trends as I have, you would know this. Eventually,” he continued, “the frigid air will continue to move southward. The process will take a few years, but in time the whole world will experience desertification and all people, plants, and animals will die. Twenty years—tops. End of story.”


01-18-2009, 11:01 PM
We are all going to die in twenty years because polar bears have bad gas?

Bubba Dawg
01-18-2009, 11:16 PM
If global warming gets any worse, we may freeze. :D

01-18-2009, 11:53 PM
That's a pretty good scam Fat Albert has going!:rolleyes:

01-19-2009, 01:04 AM
That's a pretty good scam Fat Albert has going!:rolleyes: no matter what happens - it's because of global warming. They don't have to come up with any evidence - they just have to make the claim.

01-19-2009, 06:46 AM
“To the uneducated and those, unlike myself, who are untrained in geography, climatology, physics, chemistry and astronomy,” Gore began,

And you have degrees in....?

01-19-2009, 07:17 AM
I need to start the wood stove, Al Gore is a dope

01-19-2009, 08:45 AM
"Your all stupid, and I'm smart. I don't care what you think, this is global warming. Give me money!" - Al Gore, 2009

01-19-2009, 08:56 AM
And you have degrees in....?

Bachelors in Journalism from Harvard.

Seems he studied as a minister for a couple years, and then spent a year pursuing a law degree, but thats all the education that I can find.

01-19-2009, 09:46 AM
While I realize that the article is only satire, I believe Gore will continue to push Global Warming on us. He's in the same boat as Sharpton and Jackson, he has to keep pushing his agenda to stay in buisness.

01-19-2009, 01:55 PM

You folks in the midwest stay warm.

01-19-2009, 07:47 PM
Cold is better than hot. No sweaty balls with cold.