View Full Version : Headlines from 2020

01-28-2009, 05:19 AM
I came across this and thought is was pretty good:


Statue of Liberty renamed "Statue of Government"
Attorney-General Ayers rolls out "Adopt a Capitalist Pig" program, in which proletarian recipient of reparation payments can select donor
Microsoft moves its last U.S. facility to Shanghai; CNN slams "the Bush economic legacy"
President Murtha orders provisional withdrawal of U.S. troops from pacified sectors of Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming
Vermont man beaten to death by angry mob for placing aluminum can in paper recycling bin
Debate continues in Congress over national family income limit; Sen. Joe-the-Plumber (R-Ohio) argues that $20K may be too low
Saudis unhappy with allotment of only 50 seats in Congress; threaten to pull plug on financing of Democrat Party
New York Rangers goalie struck in mammary gland by flying puck; sues opposing male player for sexual harassment
World Court nullifies U.S. Constitution's Fourteenth "Equal Protection" Amendment, alleging it conflicts with right of oppressed to seek compensation
Obama memoirs added to reading list of Harvard's "Great Texts of Western Civilization" course
Man eaten alive by work of art at Brooklyn Museum's "Living Animal Collage" exhibit
Time Magazine's "Victim of the Year" award goes to a paraplegic pygmy lesbian retarded Muslim domestically-abused welfare mother with breast cancer and AIDS
Proliferation of icebergs in northern Atlantic threatens shipping; Al Gore blames secret ice-making machine in basement of Fox News
Greenpeace apologizes for death of 26 children after cute orphaned polar bears were released on Puget Sound
Farmer in Scotland sentenced to five years in prison for insulting burglar's choice of firearm
300 American tourists rounded up and shot in Indonesia; Secretary of State Reid dispatched to Jakarta to engage in "constructive dialogue"
Canadian Human Rights Commission rules that a f_ee pre_s is d_ngerous f_r the pe_ple
Boston City Council mandates that geographic distribution of restaurants must be proportional to percentage of each ethnic group in population
French President Mohammed Abu-Gauche deports Parisian gay pride protesters to San Francisco
Another glass ceiling shattered: The transgendered Micronesian field marshal, Fudgadunga Flukaka, appointed secretary-general of the United Nations

Link (http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?printertopic=1&t=2583&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&vote=viewresult&sid=576afcb017221d42ec756559b19742e7)

01-28-2009, 05:33 AM
If you follow the link, people have replied with even more great headlines (made minor edits/shortening to a couple):

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Passing Legislation Preventing U.S. from Manufacturing Nuclear Weapons; Obama's Signature to the Bill Pending.
President Obama proclaims national holiday to celebrate fifth anniversary of the 28th Amendment (Repeal of the 22nd Amendment).
Government stands fast in opposition to offshore oil drilling, as it will still take 10 years to see results which are needed now.
Chicago dyes its river red instead of green for St. Patrick's Day. Aldermen push for it to be renamed to St. Obama's Day, a motion which is subsequently passed.
State news outlets again revert party colors to reassociate the Red with the Democrats. Blue is changed to Pink out of respect for certain minority groups & to show greater unity in color and ideology.
The Amish are relocated en masse to unelectrified penal colonies in Alaska because they refuse to pledge allegiance to anyone but God; they fail to accept that Obama is God.
Global warming now global cooling: Al Gore mummified and put on display in the Red House.
Elections Suspended. Unnecessary use of People's money, Big O proclaims
The Republic of Texas suspends oil export to the USSA in keeping with PRC-imposed sanctions.
Government continues opposition to offshore oil drilling, claims it will take 10 years to see results which are needed now.
Continued brownouts plague California's electric grid after calm weather - Texas's corrupt Republican administration refuses power exports.

Only made it through comment #23 for now...