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View Full Version : Proctor and Gamble--An Actual Letter regarding their feminine products.



megimoo
06-30-2008, 03:05 PM
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'
about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua
and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

movie buff
06-30-2008, 03:32 PM
LOL! That was pretty funny. I especially liked how she listed some alternative messages that could be printed instead!

linda22003
06-30-2008, 03:41 PM
I like the remedy of "Motrin and Kahlua". :p

YupItsMe
06-30-2008, 03:43 PM
And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.

megimoo
06-30-2008, 03:52 PM
And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.Now that will 'bring a tear to your eye' !

Gingersnap
06-30-2008, 04:48 PM
I like the remedy of "Motrin and Kahlua". :p

So do I. She must not be doing it right. I never feel the urge to bash someone with a hammer after enjoying Motrin and Kahlua. :)

biccat
07-01-2008, 09:48 AM
And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.

One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.

megimoo
07-01-2008, 10:06 AM
One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.Get Read,Stand By !

asdf2231
07-01-2008, 10:15 AM
My daughter was having some issues a while back and I got her a bottle of Motrin at the grocery store.

A while later I heard her muttering sharply in the kitchen and when I came in and asked if she was okay I saw her struggling to get the "Safety" cap off.

She looked up at me and snarled, "Considering what it's for don't you think they would make the damn thing EASY to open?!?"

That was the first time my teenager ever used anything remotely related to a curse word in front of me. I didn't even call her on it. Partly because she was right and partly because there was a rack of knives nect to her, lol!

asdf2231
07-01-2008, 10:16 AM
One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.

Where's the popcorn eating smiley when you really need it? :p

jinxmchue
07-01-2008, 10:47 AM
But Grey's Anatomy IS written by drunken chimps.

Elspeth
07-01-2008, 11:43 AM
And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.

Oh come on. The one time in the month that women act as irrationally violent as men do 24/7 and you want to complain? If a bunch of menstruating women were running the war in Iraq, we'd have carpet bombed the place by now and our long national nightmare would be over. :D

Seriously, I like "Have a Happy Period." Then again, I've been fortunate. :)