PDA

View Full Version : The best Rapture scam ever: Eternal Earthbound Pets



megimoo
08-24-2009, 07:22 AM
In my opinion, there just aren't enough people out there taking advantage of the believers in a Rapture. There's damn good money to be made in ripping people off who are just waiting for the Second Return of Jesus.

Eternal Earthbound Pets, however is on the cutting edge of this very business. For a $110 for the first pet and $15 for any additional pets, you can pay an atheist to watch over your pets after the Second Coming. It's fucking genius. Thanks to Lexi for the link.
.................
Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.
.................
Q: Do YOU believe in the Rapture.
A: As atheists we do not hold beliefs in the supernatural or a divine being. Thus, we do not believe in the Rapture. However, we respect the beliefs of others and are open to the possibility that our perspective could possibly be wrong.
..............
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.
...............
Q: Can I meet or communicate with my rescue representative? A: Sorry, No. Our representatives' information are held in strict confidence.
................
Q: Can I be sure my name and information won't be misused or circulated?
A: We hold all information in complete confidence. Your name, street address, and email info are held only in the EE-BP data base. They are not provided to the respective rescue representative unless and until the Rapture actually occurs. Only the state, town , type and number of pets are known in advance to the rescue representatives for advanced logistical planning purposes

http://www.ethiopianreview.com/articles/26152

FeebMaster
08-24-2009, 08:22 AM
How is it a scam?

I like the one that emails all of your sinner friends to tell them they've been left behind: http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/

Here's a free one: http://www.raptureletters.com/

A truly enterprising Christian could take the free one and make arrangements with one of their less faithful friends to take care of their pets. Assuming they could be trusted with such a task, of course.

Gingersnap
08-24-2009, 10:44 AM
I believe in Deuteroviticus 9:10 - 13 it's clearly stated that the pets of the saints are raptured as well (not the pets that chew things a lot, of course). :D

megimoo
08-24-2009, 11:20 AM
I believe in Deuteroviticus 9:10 - 13 it's clearly stated that the pets of the saints are raptured as well (not the pets that chew things a lot, of course). :DAll dogs go to heaven, eh?

FeebMaster
08-24-2009, 11:26 AM
All dogs go to heaven, eh?

Only if they're Catholic.

http://www.thegroveatfoxfarm.com/thegroveatfoxfarm.com/Canine_Theology.html

megimoo
08-24-2009, 11:26 AM
I believe in Deuteroviticus 9:10 - 13 it's clearly stated that the pets of the saints are raptured as well (not the pets that chew things a lot, of course). :Dwhere did you find that passage Deuteroviticus 9:10 - 13. Is that supposed to be Leviticus or Deuteronomy or are you just being 'dry' ?

jinxmchue
08-24-2009, 12:11 PM
In my opinion, there just aren't enough people out there taking advantage of the believers in a Rapture. There's damn good money to be made in ripping people off who are just waiting for the Second Return of Jesus.



Oh, I see. Since people who believe in the Rapture before Jesus' second coming are stupid, it's quite alright to rip them off.



CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THIS FUCKING PLACE TURNED INTO DU???

NJCardFan
08-24-2009, 12:49 PM
Oh, I see. Since people who believe in the Rapture before Jesus' second coming are stupid, it's quite alright to rip them off.



CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THIS FUCKING PLACE TURNED INTO DU???
There is no Biblical reference to the Rapture. As for this business, it follows the old adage that a fool and his money are soon parted.

Rebel Yell
08-24-2009, 12:54 PM
If dogs aren't there, it's really not heaven.

FlaGator
08-24-2009, 12:55 PM
Oh, I see. Since people who believe in the Rapture before Jesus' second coming are stupid, it's quite alright to rip them off.



CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THIS FUCKING PLACE TURNED INTO DU???

I don't think they're stupid, just misguided.

jinxmchue
08-24-2009, 01:15 PM
There is no Biblical reference to the Rapture.

Many would disagree with you.


As for this business, it follows the old adage that a fool and his money are soon parted.

But are they foolish for believing in the Rapture or for worrying about their pets? I've met far more foolish pet lovers than I've met foolish, uh, Rapturists? Rapturites?

jinxmchue
08-24-2009, 01:19 PM
I don't think they're stupid, just misguided.

And why did they allow themselves to become misguided? Because they're stupid?

I'm a fundamentalist Christian, but the whole question of the Rapture is open to me. I don't have an opinion one way or the other. If it happens, I'm set. If it doesn't happen, I'm set. But I don't make fun of and gleefully chortle at people who believe with absolute certainty that it will happen like the DUmp monkeys do.

linda22003
08-24-2009, 01:30 PM
The rapture isn't part of my tradition, so I have trouble picturing people being snatched into the air with a straight face, I admit. On some message board years ago, I said in answer to a post about the rapture that I was in favor of anything that lightened the traffic around Washington. The poster replied that he didn't think my area would be much affected by it, which I thought was a very good, and very amusing, response!

linda22003
08-24-2009, 01:33 PM
There is no Biblical reference to the Rapture.

Thessalonians has a reference to it, although the concept of the rapture as we know it today didn't really enter the eschatology until the late 17th and early 18th centuries.

Gingersnap
08-24-2009, 04:08 PM
where did you find that passage Deuteroviticus 9:10 - 13. Is that supposed to be Leviticus or Deuteronomy or are you just being 'dry' ?


It's a joke, Moo. When people start just blue-skying the bible, we always ask them which part of "Deuteroviticus" that particular belief comes from. :p

megimoo
08-24-2009, 04:53 PM
And why did they allow themselves to become misguided? Because they're stupid?

I'm a fundamentalist Christian, but the whole question of the Rapture is open to me. I don't have an opinion one way or the other. If it happens, I'm set. If it doesn't happen, I'm set. But I don't make fun of and gleefully chortle at people who believe with absolute certainty that it will happen like the DUmp monkeys do.

The Rapture Theory - Its Surprising Origin.The Beginnings of the Doctrine
snip
The result of a careful investigation into the origin of the Rapture was published in 1976. This was in an excellent research book that deserves to be read by all people interested in the subject. Its title: The Unbelievable Pre-Trib Origin by Dave MacPherson. 3 He catalogs a great deal of historical material that answers the doctrine’s mysterious derivation. I wish to review the results of his research.

In the middle 1820’s a religious environment began to be established among a few Christians in London, England which proved to be the catalyst from which the doctrine of the Rapture emerged. Expectations of the soon coming of our Lord were being voiced. This was no new thing, but what was unusual was the teaching by a Presbyterian minister named Edward Irving that there had to be a restoration of the spiritual gifts mentioned in 1 Corinthians chapters 12–14 just before Christ’s Second Advent. To Irving, the time had come for those spiritual manifestations to occur. Among the expected gifts was the renewal of speaking in tongues and of prophetic utterances motivated by the spirit.

Irving began to propagate his beliefs. His oratorical skills and enthusiasm caused his congregation in London to grow. Then a number of people began to experience the “gifts.” Once this happened, opposition from the organized churches set in. It resulted in Irving’s dismissal from the Presbyterian Church in 1832. His group established themselves as the Catholic Apostolic Church and continued the teachings of Irving. These events were the beginnings of what some call present day Pentecostalism. Some church historians referred to Irving as “the father of modern Pentecostalism.”
.........................................
What does this have to do with the origin of the Rapture doctrine? Look at what happened in the year 1830 — two years before Irving’s dismissal from the Presbyterian Church. In that year a revival of the “gifts” began to be manifested among some people living in the lowlands of Scotland. They experienced what they called the outpouring of the Spirit. It was accompanied with speak*ing in “tongues” and other charismatic phenomena. Irving preached that these things must occur and now they were.
...................................
On one particular evening, the power of the Holy Spirit was said to have rested on a Miss Margaret Macdonald while she was ill at home. She was dangerously sick and thought she was dying. In spite of this (or perhaps because she is supposed to have come under the “power” of the spirit) for several successive hours she experienced manifestations of “mingled prophecy and vision.” She found her mind in an altered state and began to experience considerable visionary activity.
.......................................
The message she received during this prophetic vision convinced her that Christ was going to appear in two stages at His Second Advent, and not a single occasion as most all people formerly believed. The spirit emanation revealed that Christ would first come in glory to those who look for Him and again later in a final stage when every eye would see Him. This visionary experience of Miss Macdonald represented the prime source of the modern Rapture doctrine as the historical evidence compiled by Mr. MacPherson reveals.
snip
The Influence of John Darby

Many people have thought that John Darby, the founder of the Plymouth Brethren, was the originator of the Rapture doctrine. This is not the case. Darby was a brilliant theologian with outstanding scholarly abilities. Even those who disagreed with his teachings admit that he, and many associated with him, helped cause a revival in biblical learning throughout the evangelical world which has perpetuated down to the present day. All who love biblical research ought to be thankful for what Darby and especially his associates accomplished for biblical scholarship. These early men helped pave the way particularly for the renewal of modern lexical studies in the biblical languages.
...................................
http://www.andrewcorbett.net/articles/rapture.htm
.....................................
http://www.askelm.com/essentials/ess025.htm
..........................................

FlaGator
08-24-2009, 05:01 PM
And why did they allow themselves to become misguided? Because they're stupid?

I'm a fundamentalist Christian, but the whole question of the Rapture is open to me. I don't have an opinion one way or the other. If it happens, I'm set. If it doesn't happen, I'm set. But I don't make fun of and gleefully chortle at people who believe with absolute certainty that it will happen like the DUmp monkeys do.

Being misguided has nothing to do with being stupid. It does, however, have a lot to do with believing what some people say because you want to believe it regardless of evidence. I cite the global warming crowd as evidence of this. There is nothing based in scripture about the rapture, Christ never mentioned the rapture and in fact he stated the opposite. Still some people want to believe that Christians will be spared the tribulation and that is ok by me if it gets them through the day. But, when the rapture does not materialize and they find themselves in the midst of tribulation will they feel that God has abandoned them or lied to them? That is the danger of belief in the rapture, a false hope that leads to apostasy.

Zane Zackerly
08-24-2009, 05:11 PM
Still some people want to believe that Christians will be spared the tribulation and that is ok by me if it gets them through the day. But, when the rapture does not materialize and they find themselves in the midst of tribulation will they feel that God has abandoned them or lied to them? That is the danger of belief in the rapture, a false hope that leads to apostasy.


This is wise advice. It's best to keep an open mind about this subject, because I don't think anyone has yet provided proof of one belief versus another.

jinxmchue
08-24-2009, 05:39 PM
But, when the rapture does not materialize and they find themselves in the midst of tribulation will they feel that God has abandoned them or lied to them? That is the danger of belief in the rapture, a false hope that leads to apostasy.

Hopefully, they had/have a church leader (pastor, reverend, whatever) like our previous pastor who is well-versed on the issue and taught all End Times views, emphasizing none. It's a secondary issue that I hope not too many people base the strength of their faith on.

BSR
08-24-2009, 05:49 PM
There is no Biblical reference to the Rapture. As for this business, it follows the old adage that a fool and his money are soon parted.

yes, there are.


Matthew 24:40-41


Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

John 14:1-3


Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.


Acts 1:9-11



After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.

They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. "Men of Galilee," they said, "why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven

BSR
08-24-2009, 05:54 PM
1 Thessalonians 4:16-17



For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever



Whoever says there is no biblical reference to the rapture needs to read the bible. It's all in there people.... :D

Gingersnap
08-24-2009, 06:01 PM
Maybe we need a Rapture thread to discuss this. Pre-trib, post-trib, pre-wrath, etc. The subject is interesting.

Is there any interest in a separate thread for this discussion?

If there was, this would be a thread with posting conditions - no jacking, no joking, no snarkiness, no discussion of Christianity or religion in general or on secular terms. You guys would have to stay on topic. ;)

wilbur
08-24-2009, 06:03 PM
Oh, I see. Since people who believe in the Rapture before Jesus' second coming are stupid, it's quite alright to rip them off.


If one believes in the rapture, why would they consider it a rip-off?

BSR
08-24-2009, 06:03 PM
Maybe we need a Rapture thread to discuss this. Pre-trib, post-trib, pre-wrath, etc. The subject is interesting.

Is there any interest in a separate thread for this discussion?

If there was, this would be a thread with posting conditions - no jacking, no joking, no snarkiness, no discussion of Christianity or religion in general or on secular terms. You guys would have to stay on topic. ;)



Well, Im out...

Zane Zackerly
08-24-2009, 06:11 PM
Maybe we need a Rapture thread to discuss this. Pre-trib, post-trib, pre-wrath, etc. The subject is interesting.

Is there any interest in a separate thread for this discussion?

If there was, this would be a thread with posting conditions - no jacking, no joking, no snarkiness, no discussion of Christianity or religion in general or on secular terms. You guys would have to stay on topic. ;)

Sounds good to me. It's a fascinating subject. Even people who quote Bible verses in support of the concept generally cannot point to a specific verse stating at what point during the Tribulation it will occur.

The question seems to be: Is the Second Coming the Rapture? Or is the Rapture a separate event?

Answer that one definitively if you can.

enslaved1
08-24-2009, 06:13 PM
Maybe we need a Rapture thread to discuss this. Pre-trib, post-trib, pre-wrath, etc. The subject is interesting.

Is there any interest in a separate thread for this discussion?

If there was, this would be a thread with posting conditions - no jacking, no joking, no snarkiness, no discussion of Christianity or religion in general or on secular terms. You guys would have to stay on topic. ;)

I don't see it holding to those conditions. Even people who agree on the idea have difficulty finding consensus and staying civil.

Myself, I think the Rapture is a feasible interpretation of several references in the Bible. What I've read on the subject, both Scripturally and otherwise, tells me it's likely. Not a guarantee, because it's not blatantly stated like say, "I am the way, the truth and the light, and none shall come to the Father except through me", but a highly plausible event. As far as the insurance for your pets, it's the most honest rip off I've seen in ages. "We think you're nuts, but we will take your money just in case you are right, and go out of our way to match your belief system to make sure if you are right, our people are still here to take care of your pets." If they are being that honest, is it really a scam?

BSR
08-24-2009, 06:17 PM
Sounds good to me. It's a fascinating subject. Even people who quote Bible verses in support of the concept generally cannot point to a specific verse stating at what point during the Tribulation it will occur.

The question seems to be: Is the Second Coming the Rapture? Or is the Rapture a separate event?

Answer that one definitively if you can.

It's a completely separate event. The second coming of Jesus is when Christ comes and sets up his kingdom on earth for last judgment.

megimoo
08-24-2009, 06:18 PM
Maybe we need a Rapture thread to discuss this. Pre-trib, post-trib, pre-wrath, etc. The subject is interesting.

Is there any interest in a separate thread for this discussion?

If there was, this would be a thread with posting conditions - no jacking, no joking, no snarkiness, no discussion of Christianity or religion in general or on secular terms. You guys would have to stay on topic. ;)
You had better be prepared to 'police' our resident British atheist !

NJCardFan
08-24-2009, 07:30 PM
All that is up to interpretation people.

BSR
08-24-2009, 07:58 PM
All that is up to interpretation people.

No...No it's not. Not if you call yourself a bible believing Christian. What's up for debate is WHEN it happens.

megimoo
08-24-2009, 08:31 PM
It's a completely separate event. The second coming of Jesus is when Christ comes and sets up his kingdom on earth for last judgment.

The Rapture is to be distinguished from the Second Advent of Christ. While the Rapture sets the stage for the Second Coming, these are two separate events. A chart giving comparisons between these two future appearances of Christ is found in a later section of this article.

There has been controversy for many generations concerning the timing of the final events in human history. The position held by the majority of categorical and fundamental Bible teachers is as follows:

* We are presently in the dispensation known as the Church Age, and we do not know when this age will end.

* The Rapture will occur at the end of the Church Age; and the day of the Rapture will be the first day of the sever-year period known as the Great Tribulation.

* The Second Coming of Christ will occur on the last day of the Tribulation period and will usher in the thousand-year reign of Jesus Christ.
snip

.........................................
Have Confidence. "Being confident of this very things, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil. 1:6

Have Patience. "Be patient, therefore, unto the coming of the Lord..." James 5:7

Grow in Christ by continuing to be edified. "...be ye also patient, stablish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh." James 5:8 See also Isaiah 33:4 and 2 Tim. 2:15
...............................
Contrasts Between the Rapture and the Second Coming of Christ !
.........................................
The Rapture
Only believers see Christ.
The Rapture is private.
Heb. 9:28; Acts 1:11
.................................
Christ meets believers in the air,
1 Thess. 4:17
.................................
Believers are taken off the earth,
John 14:3
...............................
Believers go to heaven,
1 Thess. 4:17
...............................
There is no timetable for the Rapture
.................................
Believers are rewarded.
1 Cor. 3:11-15; Rev. 22:12
..............................
The Rapture is a source of comfort to the believer,
1 Thess. 4:18
.............................
There are no changes in nature
associated with the Rapture
............................
The world is not judged at the Rapture.
..........................
The Rapture is a mystery of the Church Age,
1 Cor. 15:51
............................
The unconditional covenants such as those with
Abraham and David are not fulfilled at the Rapture
..........................
There is no dealing with Satan or demons at the Rapture.
.................................


The Second Coming of Christ
..........................
Every eye shall see Him.
The Second Coming of Christ is public.
Rev. 1:7
..........................
Christ sets foot on the Mount of Olives,
Zech. 14:4
..........................
At the Second Coming,
unbelievers are taken off the earth,
Mt. 24:37f
...........................
At the Second Coming, believers come back to earth with Christ,
1 Thess. 3:13; Col. 3:4;,
2 Thess 4:13; Zech. 14:5
.............................
The Second Coming is seven years after the Rapture,
Matt. 24:29-30
..........................
Unbelievers are judged at the Second Coming; the Baptism of Fire takes place,
Matt. 25:31,32,46
........................
The Second Coming of Christ is a source of terror for the unbeliever,
Rev. 6:15-17
...........................
There are many changes in nature associated with the Second Coming,
Isa. 35
..........................
The people of the world are judged at the Second Coming,
Jude 15]
.........................
The Second Coming is the subject of extensive
prophecy in the Old Testament.
.......................
The covenants are fulfilled at the Second Coming;
Israel inherits her possessions.
..........................
At the Second Coming, Satan is bound for a thousand years,
Rev. 20:2
........................
....................................
http://www.realtime.net/~wdoud/topics/rapture.html

BSR
08-24-2009, 09:05 PM
The Rapture is to be distinguished from the Second Advent of Christ. While the Rapture sets the stage for the Second Coming, these are two separate events. A chart giving comparisons between these two future appearances of Christ is found in a later section of this article.

There has been controversy for many generations concerning the timing of the final events in human history. The position held by the majority of categorical and fundamental Bible teachers is as follows:

* We are presently in the dispensation known as the Church Age, and we do not know when this age will end.

* The Rapture will occur at the end of the Church Age; and the day of the Rapture will be the first day of the sever-year period known as the Great Tribulation.

* The Second Coming of Christ will occur on the last day of the Tribulation period and will usher in the thousand-year reign of Jesus Christ.
snip

.........................................
Have Confidence. "Being confident of this very things, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil. 1:6

Have Patience. "Be patient, therefore, unto the coming of the Lord..." James 5:7

Grow in Christ by continuing to be edified. "...be ye also patient, stablish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh." James 5:8 See also Isaiah 33:4 and 2 Tim. 2:15
...............................
Contrasts Between the Rapture and the Second Coming of Christ !
.........................................
The Rapture
Only believers see Christ.
The Rapture is private.
Heb. 9:28; Acts 1:11
.................................
Christ meets believers in the air,
1 Thess. 4:17
.................................
Believers are taken off the earth,
John 14:3
...............................
Believers go to heaven,
1 Thess. 4:17
...............................
There is no timetable for the Rapture
.................................
Believers are rewarded.
1 Cor. 3:11-15; Rev. 22:12
..............................
The Rapture is a source of comfort to the believer,
1 Thess. 4:18
.............................
There are no changes in nature
associated with the Rapture
............................
The world is not judged at the Rapture.
..........................
The Rapture is a mystery of the Church Age,
1 Cor. 15:51
............................
The unconditional covenants such as those with
Abraham and David are not fulfilled at the Rapture
..........................
There is no dealing with Satan or demons at the Rapture.
.................................


The Second Coming of Christ
..........................
Every eye shall see Him.
The Second Coming of Christ is public.
Rev. 1:7
..........................
Christ sets foot on the Mount of Olives,
Zech. 14:4
..........................
At the Second Coming,
unbelievers are taken off the earth,
Mt. 24:37f
...........................
At the Second Coming, believers come back to earth with Christ,
1 Thess. 3:13; Col. 3:4;,
2 Thess 4:13; Zech. 14:5
.............................
The Second Coming is seven years after the Rapture,
Matt. 24:29-30
..........................
Unbelievers are judged at the Second Coming; the Baptism of Fire takes place,
Matt. 25:31,32,46
........................
The Second Coming of Christ is a source of terror for the unbeliever,
Rev. 6:15-17
...........................
There are many changes in nature associated with the Second Coming,
Isa. 35
..........................
The people of the world are judged at the Second Coming,
Jude 15]
.........................
The Second Coming is the subject of extensive
prophecy in the Old Testament.
.......................
The covenants are fulfilled at the Second Coming;
Israel inherits her possessions.
..........................
At the Second Coming, Satan is bound for a thousand years,
Rev. 20:2
........................
....................................
http://www.realtime.net/~wdoud/topics/rapture.html




very well laid out.

Rockntractor
08-24-2009, 10:08 PM
You had better be prepared to 'police' our resident British atheist !

Wilbur a Brit!

megimoo
08-24-2009, 10:23 PM
Wilbur a Brit!He slipped a bit !

Rockntractor
08-25-2009, 12:12 AM
He slipped a bit !

Well is he british!