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Rockntractor
09-03-2009, 11:26 PM
A neighbor and friend of mine has a brain tumor, her husband is one of my best friends. She has had the cancer since she met him and as long as I have known her but it was more or less under control. A year go he told me that it had started to grow and that she had about a month left to live. She was going to stop all treatment and die. I thought she was to young to die (she is only 45) and I stuck my nose into it and did a little research into a new procedure called cyberknife we talked her into going to a new cancer center in Tulsa. They said he cyberknife could not be used because of where it was located and went ahead with conventional chemo and radiation treatments. Her husband is a truck driver. He called me last night and told me that she and her mother had locked themselves out of the house when they got home from a treatment at the hospital ad asked if I could go over and help them get in the house. I was shocked when I saw her. She was down to about 70 pounds from 110. I saw her a couple of months ago and she looked pretty good. I had to help her into the house, she could barely walk it was awful. She will die soon and now I wish I hadn’t said anything a year ago.

Teetop
09-03-2009, 11:32 PM
My best friend's mother is going through chemo. She only has 6 rounds of chemo, instead of 8. Good news last week.... (She just finished her fifth round.)

It's not your fault, it's life.

Rockntractor
09-03-2009, 11:40 PM
My best friend's mother is going through chemo. She only has 6 rounds of chemo, instead of 8. Good news last week.... (She just finished her fifth round.)

It's not your fault, it's life.

I had a big part in talking her into this last fight and I'm thinking now that she was right a year ago when she wanted to let go.

BSR
09-03-2009, 11:43 PM
A neighbor and friend of mine has a brain tumor, her husband is one of my best friends. She has had the cancer since she met him and as long as I have known her but it was more or less under control. A year go he told me that it had started to grow and that she had about a month left to live. She was going to stop all treatment and die. I thought she was to young to die (she is only 45) and I stuck my nose into it and did a little research into a new procedure called cyberknife we talked her into going to a new cancer center in Tulsa. They said he cyberknife could not be used because of where it was located and went ahead with conventional chemo and radiation treatments. Her husband is a truck driver. He called me last night and told me that she and her mother had locked themselves out of the house when they got home from a treatment at the hospital ad asked if I could go over and help them get in the house. I was shocked when I saw her. She was down to about 70 pounds from 110. I saw her a couple of months ago and she looked pretty good. I had to help her into the house, she could barely walk it was awful. She will die soon and now I wish I hadnít said anything a year ago.

What you were doing was from the heart and you shouldn't feel bad. I know that doesn't help..

Rockntractor
09-04-2009, 12:11 AM
What you were doing was from the heart and you shouldn't feel bad. I know that doesn't help..

Your probably right but I wasn't prepared for what I saw last night. I haven't been able to shake this feeling since last night, 45 is to dam young!

stsinner
09-04-2009, 12:15 AM
Don't ever regret championing a cause!! I've read that you can defeat yourself in your own head if you don't have the right attitude, so maybe your butting-in got her head right for at least another year!! Maybe you need to butt in more often! Tell her she is better than death and that she can beat it!! The worst thing you could do is sit idly by.. If you're a true friend!

You would have beat yourself up if you had said nothing and she died a year ago....

RobJohnson
09-04-2009, 06:15 AM
A neighbor and friend of mine has a brain tumor, her husband is one of my best friends. She has had the cancer since she met him and as long as I have known her but it was more or less under control. A year go he told me that it had started to grow and that she had about a month left to live. She was going to stop all treatment and die. I thought she was to young to die (she is only 45) and I stuck my nose into it and did a little research into a new procedure called cyberknife we talked her into going to a new cancer center in Tulsa. They said he cyberknife could not be used because of where it was located and went ahead with conventional chemo and radiation treatments. Her husband is a truck driver. He called me last night and told me that she and her mother had locked themselves out of the house when they got home from a treatment at the hospital ad asked if I could go over and help them get in the house. I was shocked when I saw her. She was down to about 70 pounds from 110. I saw her a couple of months ago and she looked pretty good. I had to help her into the house, she could barely walk it was awful. She will die soon and now I wish I hadnít said anything a year ago.

God Bless you Rock...you only did what you thought was the right thing to do. None of this is your fault and they are Blessed to have your friendship.

expat-pattaya
09-04-2009, 07:54 AM
You might have done the wrong thing. But in this case intentions DO matter. She had to decide should she take on another battle and if it was worth it.

So don't beat yourself up. Even if it was the wrong decision in the end it wasn't yours anyway. And maybe she will go into remission and be 110 lbs again in spring. Where there is life there is hope.

Phillygirl
09-04-2009, 09:24 AM
You know what, Rock, this past year may have been what she and her husband needed to bring closure for themselves. They made the decision. And they made the decision even though the treatment you had found wasn't right for her.

You are shocked because you haven't seen her for a bit. Don't feel guilty.

Gingersnap
09-04-2009, 09:48 AM
I'm with Philly on this. She did what seemed best to her. She didn't go through all this just to please a neighbor. And who knows? Maybe she will pull through. Chemo takes it out of people but they can come back like a freight train once it's over. Be glad that whatever happens, she and her husband have had time to get a handle on this spiritually and emotionally. ;)

SaintLouieWoman
09-04-2009, 10:21 AM
There are two women at my office who chose the chemo and radiation route. They looked really terrible for some time, but both made the correct decision. They fought the good fight and won----at least for now.

Life's a crap shoot, sometimes you win, sometimes not. She at least had a chance. You gave them the information about one procedure. When the docs said it wouldn't work in her case, they offered the chemo/radiation alternative. They made the decision themselves. You were a good friend. Please don't beat yourself up over it, but pray for them.

Another former co-worker was told about 6 years ago that she had 2-3 years to live tops. She still calls me every once in a while to tell me how much she loves her new job and how she feels for me, still at the old company. :D Let's hope that the treatments kick in and she goes into remission. Where there's life, there's hope.

Rockntractor
09-04-2009, 10:35 AM
Every day is precious. I guess you can't second guess everything.

FlaGator
09-04-2009, 11:09 AM
Every day is precious. I guess you can't second guess everything.

Never second guess a decision that was inspired by an honest desire to help another.

Rockntractor
09-04-2009, 11:19 AM
Never second guess a decision that was inspired by an honest desire to help another.
She has been staying with her mother the last two months that is why I hadn't seen her. Her husband comes over at least once a week when he's home from driving truck. He had said she wasn't doing well but I didn't realize just how bad. He said when she is home he can't leave her alone at all, he can't even go outside. He fell in love with her knowing she had the tumor and has always had the worry in the back of his mind.

FlaGator
09-04-2009, 11:55 AM
She has been staying with her mother the last two months that is why I hadn't seen her. Her husband comes over at least once a week when he's home from driving truck. He had said she wasn't doing well but I didn't realize just how bad. He said when she is home he can't leave her alone at all, he can't even go outside. He fell in love with her knowing she had the tumor and has always had the worry in the back of his mind.

PM me her first name. I'll put her on a prayer list I manage. It goes out to about 100 people who believe quite avidly in intercessory prayer.

RobJohnson
09-04-2009, 02:13 PM
Every day is precious. I guess you can't second guess everything.

AMEN

RobJohnson
09-04-2009, 02:14 PM
She has been staying with her mother the last two months that is why I hadn't seen her. Her husband comes over at least once a week when he's home from driving truck. He had said she wasn't doing well but I didn't realize just how bad. He said when she is home he can't leave her alone at all, he can't even go outside. He fell in love with her knowing she had the tumor and has always had the worry in the back of his mind.

He sounds like a great man.

Rockntractor
09-04-2009, 07:28 PM
I am going to go ahead and post their first names so people can pray for them! I just got off the phone with Allen. He told me another large tumor had started on the other side of Janet's brain and he doesn't think she has very long now. He is holding up pretty well a lot better than I would. She just recently started taking pain medication she had refused to take it before. She said last week she is tired and ready to die.

Rockntractor
09-12-2009, 11:10 AM
Janets in hospice now. They said she will go within two weeks.

Gingersnap
09-12-2009, 11:31 AM
Janets in hospice now. They said she will go within two weeks.

I'm so sorry. Our thoughts and prayers will go out to her and her family and you, of course. :(

Rockntractor
09-12-2009, 11:40 AM
I'm so sorry. Our thoughts and prayers will go out to her and her family and you, of course. :(

She thinks she is at home with her mother most of the time. That is kind of merciful.

RobJohnson
09-12-2009, 02:26 PM
Janets in hospice now. They said she will go within two weeks.

I'm sorry, may her last days be full of peace, love & family.

FlaGator
09-12-2009, 05:29 PM
Janets in hospice now. They said she will go within two weeks.

She and her husband are still in my prayers and they both are still being prayed for. Peace of the Lord be with the whole family.

Rockntractor
09-12-2009, 05:36 PM
She and her husband are still in my prayers and they both are still being prayed for. Peace of the Lord be with the whole family.

She told Allen yesterday to make the funeral arrangements so thats what he did today. He is a stronger man than I . How he can do this without falling apart is beyond me!

Bubba Dawg
09-12-2009, 06:43 PM
Rock, you are a neighbor in the truest sense of the word. You didn't stick your nose into anything...you showed compassion and concern.

My philosophy is, if there is a chance that I can help someone, I will offer what I can do or what I know.

The key word is offer... and that is what you did.

How would you feel if you said nothing and she died according to plan, and you knew there was a possibility that something you knew might have helped?

That would be hard to live with.

You did well. I wish you were my neighbor. :)

Bubba Dawg
09-12-2009, 06:46 PM
She told Allen yesterday to make the funeral arrangements so thats what he did today. He is a stronger man than I . How he can do this without falling apart is beyond me!

It may be that he is being strong for her, and when she is gone he may and probably will experience a severe crash. You sound like the kind of guy who will be there for him.

Thing about loss is, immediately after a death, lots of people are there for him, but after a week, a month, six months.....the pain will still be there and he will still have that void in his life. That may be the darkest time for him.

SaintLouieWoman
09-12-2009, 08:01 PM
It may be that he is being strong for her, and when she is gone he may and probably will experience a severe crash. You sound like the kind of guy who will be there for him.

Thing about loss is, immediately after a death, lots of people are there for him, but after a week, a month, six months.....the pain will still be there and he will still have that void in his life. That may be the darkest time for him.

You're very perceptive, Bubba. At first there is the shock that dulls the pain a bit, the necessity to "do" things, all the arrangements, the funeral, whatever little social gatherng afterward. Then comes the letdown.

Janet and Allen are in my prayers. They are lucky to have you as a friend.

noonwitch
09-14-2009, 08:47 AM
I had a big part in talking her into this last fight and I'm thinking now that she was right a year ago when she wanted to let go.


She had more time with her family because of the treatment. They are probably grateful for it.

Rockntractor
09-19-2009, 12:21 PM
Janet died this morning

Teetop
09-19-2009, 01:44 PM
Janet died this morning

I'm very sorry to hear that, Rock.

My sympathies to Janet and her family.

Don't beat yourself up either, bud.

BSR
09-19-2009, 03:19 PM
Janet died this morning

Sorry to hear that bro. :(

Rockntractor
09-19-2009, 08:03 PM
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and support. I spent the day with Allen today, we went to the gun show and had supper at sirloin stockade. He didn't want to stay home and think, their will be plenty of time for that when he goes back to driving. He is very sad but has a sense of relief. The last few months have been hard for both of them.

MrsSmith
09-19-2009, 09:04 PM
This is the first time I read this. I'm so sorry to hear about the whole thing. Allen is in my prayers, along with the rest of Janet's family.

Rockntractor
09-19-2009, 09:17 PM
This is the first time I read this. I'm so sorry to hear about the whole thing. Allen is in my prayers, along with the rest of Janet's family.
Next time I decide to give advice on something I know very little about I will give it a little more forethought. She was much younger than I am and that to me is just to young to give up and die. When you get in your seventies or eighties I can fully understand letting go and dieing naturally from cancer. Looking back on the last year she had a few good months and two months of absolute torment and torture. Was it worth it? I can't answer that, someday she may tell me. Would I give the same advice again? I'm not sure.


On edit; Watch out what kind of advice you give to people ! They may listen to you.

SaintLouieWoman
09-19-2009, 10:24 PM
Next time I decide to give advice on something I know very little about I will give it a little more forethought. She was much younger than I am and that to me is just to young to give up and die. When you get in your seventies or eighties I can fully understand letting go and dieing naturally from cancer. Looking back on the last year she had a few good months and two months of absolute torment and torture. Was it worth it? I can't answer that, someday she may tell me. Would I give the same advice again? I'm not sure.


On edit; Watch out what kind of advice you give to people ! They may listen to you.

That's very profound. We can all think of giving advice to others with the best of good intentions. I know I'm going to remember this before I volunteer any advice.

It was good that you took Allen to the gun show. He'll have time to process the loss later. It's good to keep busy now and to enjoy your friendship.

He and his family will be in my prayers.

RobJohnson
09-21-2009, 02:10 AM
Janet died this morning

I'm sorry. :mad:

FlaGator
09-21-2009, 05:41 AM
Next time I decide to give advice on something I know very little about I will give it a little more forethought. She was much younger than I am and that to me is just to young to give up and die. When you get in your seventies or eighties I can fully understand letting go and dieing naturally from cancer. Looking back on the last year she had a few good months and two months of absolute torment and torture. Was it worth it? I can't answer that, someday she may tell me. Would I give the same advice again? I'm not sure.


On edit; Watch out what kind of advice you give to people ! They may listen to you.

You did the right thing, You had hope and you shared that hope with another. I suspect that every extra second that he had with her is precious to him now.

Bubba Dawg
09-21-2009, 08:09 AM
Condolences Rock. I think you did a very good thing for your friends. You're a good neighbor.

RobJohnson
09-22-2009, 12:30 AM
I've lost four friends in the past month & my cousin's 18 month old grandson was found face down in the koi pond....the little guy responded to CPR and is still alive (Praise God)

I'm ready for some good news when the phone rings!

Rockntractor
09-22-2009, 12:37 AM
I've lost four friends in the past month & my cousin's 18 month old grandson was found face down in the koi pond....the little guy responded to CPR and is still alive (Praise God)

I'm ready for some good news when the phone rings!

Thank God the little boy is alright! There is nothing worse than the death of a child. I just found out that another neighbor right next door to the one that died has brain cancer too. It is setting into her throat now and it is not looking good for her either. I don't know them very well, They just moved in last spring. Janet's funeral will be wed. Allen had two heart attacks two years ago and has several bypasses so I worry about him too.

RobJohnson
09-22-2009, 01:02 AM
I just found out that another neighbor right next door to the one that died has brain cancer too. It is setting into her throat now and it is not looking good for her either.

Damn, sorry to hear that.

My best friend's father thought he had some type of bite above his eye that was itching...it turned out to be shingles in his eye! It ended up being internal and he suffered for a couple weeks....the guy helped set up the Saturn plant in TN...was a darn good machine repair man & set up guy....he lived across the street when I was growing up...he always called me "the Johnson" Loved him like my own dad.......the next day another friend died.....it's been a tough month! The good news is the promise of Salvation!

Rockntractor
09-22-2009, 01:04 AM
Damn, sorry to hear that.

My best friend's father thought he had some type of bite above his eye that was itching...it turned out to be shingles in his eye! It ended up being internal and he suffered for a couple weeks....the guy helped set up the Saturn plant in TN...was a darn good machine repair man & set up guy....he lived across the street when I was growing up...he always called me "the Johnson" Loved him like my own dad.......the next day another friend died.....it's been a tough month! The good news is the promise of Salvation!
Right now that is the only good news. I'm kind of on the edge of being depressed right now.

RobJohnson
09-22-2009, 01:09 AM
Right now that is the only good news. I'm kind of on the edge of being depressed right now.

Hang in there, I know the feeling.

AlmostThere
09-22-2009, 09:19 AM
A neighbor and friend of mine has a brain tumor, her husband is one of my best friends. She has had the cancer since she met him and as long as I have known her but it was more or less under control. A year go he told me that it had started to grow and that she had about a month left to live. She was going to stop all treatment and die. I thought she was to young to die (she is only 45) and I stuck my nose into it and did a little research into a new procedure called cyberknife we talked her into going to a new cancer center in Tulsa. They said he cyberknife could not be used because of where it was located and went ahead with conventional chemo and radiation treatments. Her husband is a truck driver. He called me last night and told me that she and her mother had locked themselves out of the house when they got home from a treatment at the hospital ad asked if I could go over and help them get in the house. I was shocked when I saw her. She was down to about 70 pounds from 110. I saw her a couple of months ago and she looked pretty good. I had to help her into the house, she could barely walk it was awful. She will die soon and now I wish I hadn’t said anything a year ago.

So many times I hear folks whining and bitching and I think to myself, why don't they shut up and grow the hell up. Not this time Rock. I pray I never find myself in your current situation. You're facing the worst SOB of a critic and he isn't gonna cut you an inch of slack no matter how this turns out. Man you have 2 of the biggest things working against you right now; a conscience and that bastard in the mirror. Don't let him tear you up to bad. No matter how it winds up, your heart was in the right place and you weren't thinking of yourself were you? That's way more than a lot people can say about themselves.