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Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 11:14 AM
New rules regulate sexual activity in dormitory rooms

By Ellen Kan

Published: Thursday, September 24, 2009

Updated: Sunday, September 27, 2009

elsey Marie Bell / Tufts Daily

There are lots of things roommates fight over ó sharing food, where dirty clothes go and how loud to play music, to name a few. But a new university policy is looking to preempt conflicts that can arise over when itís alright to engage in sexual activity.

The Office of Residential Life and Learning (ResLife) has added a new stipulation to its guest policy that prohibits any sex act in a dorm room while one's roommate is present. The stipulation further states that any sexual activity in the room should not interfere with a roommate's privacy, study habits or sleep.

ResLife's Assistant Director for Community and Judicial Affairs Carrie Ales-Rich explained that the change comes as a result of an annual review of residential policies that examines the previous year's trends.

ResLife received a significant number of complaints last year from residents bothered by their roommates' sexual behavior. Ales-Rich said that this was one of the most commonly cited sources of conflict between roommates.

"There were incidents that occurred last year, and in the past, where residents of rooms started to feel uncomfortable with what their roommates were doing in the room," Ales-Rich said. "This happened more often than we'd like."

The sex policy, Ales-Rich said, is intended as a tool to facilitate conversation and compromise between roommates, rather than simply proscribe behavior. Ales-Rich emphasized that ResLife hopes students will be able to resolve the issues on their own instead of allowing conflicts to reach a point at which the office has to intervene.

"We want to make perfectly clear that we do not want to hinder someone from engaging in any personal or private activity," she said. "But when it becomes uncomfortable for the roommate, we want to have something in place that empowers the residents to have a good conversation with the roommate."

Students are complaining about this policy, naturally. As someone who had to endure my roommate's compulsive slut behavior, I predict that getting roommates to "talk" about the issue will be useless. I did talk about it but she didn't care. Her position was that I could leave or I could watch - whatever.

There comes a point at which your friends are tired of you showing up at 3:00 A.M. looking for a place to sleep.

Tufts Daily (http://www.tuftsdaily.com/new-rules-regulate-sexual-activity-in-dormitory-rooms-1.1912397)

noonwitch
09-28-2009, 11:24 AM
There is a reason why there are cheap motels near most college campuses.

I had a wild roommate my sophmore year, and she wasn't in my sorority. Our dorm rooms had two rooms, and we had our beds in the inner room. She would have guys overnight, and they would have sex in the other room while I was trying to sleep. If I had to get up and go to the bathroom (community bathrooms), I would walk through when she was in the middle of it and she would get all mad. I'd tell her to get a motel room.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 11:40 AM
Of course they could just go back to the old school form of: GO FUCK SOME WHERE ELSE YOU FILTHY SLUT! Banning all sexual activity in the dorms completely.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 11:40 AM
Whatever happened to putting one of the guy's socks on your doorknob??

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 11:49 AM
Whatever happened to putting one of the guy's socks on your doorknob??

Well, when the sock is on the door every night from 8:00 p.m. until past midnight, it gets pretty old, pretty quick. A dorm room is your living space - not just a public space like an office cubicle or a library carrel (a place you think of as "yours" but it's really not).

If you can't afford to rent or own a truly private space for your sexual adventures, maybe you aren't ready for grown-up sex yet.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 11:51 AM
Well, when the sock is on the door every night from 8:00 p.m. until past midnight, it gets pretty old, pretty quick. A dorm room is your living space - not just a public space like an office cubicle or a library carrel (a place you think of as "yours" but it's really not).

If you can't afford to rent or own a truly private space for your sexual adventures, maybe you aren't ready for grown-up sex yet.

which is why all sexual activity in the dorms should be banned. How many parents are ready to face that they have been financing the sexcapades of their children? I'm betting most parents would - given the choice - opt for a dorm where sex is prohibited and their students will be spending their time on their education rather than oral sex 101.

asdf2231
09-28-2009, 12:13 PM
which is why all sexual activity in the dorms should be banned. How many parents are ready to face that they have been financing the sexcapades of their children? I'm betting most parents would - given the choice - opt for a dorm where sex is prohibited and their students will be spending their time on their education rather than oral sex 101.

I dunno.

A lot of places in the world, mastering Oral Sex 101 will take you further than the worthless Liberal Arts Degree will. :D

linda22003
09-28-2009, 12:21 PM
which is why all sexual activity in the dorms should be banned. How many parents are ready to face that they have been financing the sexcapades of their children? I'm betting most parents would - given the choice - opt for a dorm where sex is prohibited and their students will be spending their time on their education rather than oral sex 101.

Most parents remember their own escapades too well for that to be true. :D

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 12:23 PM
I dunno.

A lot of places in the world, mastering Oral Sex 101 will take you further than the worthless Liberal Arts Degree will. :D

and you want your daughter mastering this skill? In college?

linda22003
09-28-2009, 12:29 PM
and you want your daughter mastering this skill? In college?

Once kids go off to college, they've pretty much entered the adult world. Any father would say that he wouldn't want his daughter to master that skill even by the time she's 57, but he's also more than willing to accept that skill from other men's daughters. :rolleyes:

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 12:40 PM
and you want your daughter mastering this skill? In college?

Sadly, girls are who interested in this skill seem to start in middle school now.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 12:58 PM
Sadly, girls who interested in this skill seem to start in middle school now.

start - perhaps - but many do not master it until college. ANYHOW - does that change my point?

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 01:04 PM
start - perhaps - but many do not master it until college. ANYHOW - does that change my point?

No but most college administrators don't seriously believe that young adults are capable of the least amount of self-control or delayed gratification (except the 15% of anorexics on campus). That's why we have coed floors and now coed rooms. It's why no serious effort is made to get alcohol off campus. It's why colleges do little or nothing to curb drunken hookups or dubious Spring Break plans.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:11 PM
No but most college administrators don't seriously believe that young adults are capable of the least amount of self-control or delayed gratification (except the 15% of anorexics on campus). That's why we have coed floors and now coed rooms. It's why no serious effort is made to get alcohol off campus. It's why colleges do little or nothing to curb drunken hookups or dubious Spring Break plans.

Depends upon the college. There are plenty of colleges out there that have strong moral policies - AND students at such institutions perform much better than do graduates of state institutions where such behavior is enabled.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 01:14 PM
Then parents who feel strongly about it can send their children to those institutions. Where's the problem?

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:19 PM
Then parents who feel strongly about it can send their children to those institutions. Where's the problem?

And how many of the parents know what actually goes on in these other schools?

BadCat
09-28-2009, 01:20 PM
This is why I always lived off campus.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 01:20 PM
And how many of the parents know what actually goes on in these other schools?

They were college students themselves. That's how they know. :p

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:23 PM
They were college students themselves. That's how they know. :p

do they? How many of them lived on campus? How many of them were pervs when they were in college? How many colleges had sleep over policies back then?

linda22003
09-28-2009, 01:24 PM
Having sex in college makes you a perv? What planet do you live on? :p

Since most of today's parents of college-aged kids were in college in the 1970s, I'd say any of them who lived on campus knew about shared living quarters. Hell, I went to a Jesuit school and dorms were co-ed.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:27 PM
Having sex in college makes you a perv? What planet do you live on? :p

Since most of today's parents of college-aged kids were in college in the 1970s, I'd say any of them who lived on campus knew about shared living quarters. Hell, I went to a Jesuit school and dorms were co-ed.

Having sex in public areas makes you a perv. If you have a dorm room to yourself - it's a private area - if you share a room - it's not private.

And don't pretend that because the school was Jesuit that it has anything approaching morality. There's a reason why the order was forcibly disbanded once before.

ETA - co-ed does not mean that the dorms were fuck factories.

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 01:30 PM
Depends upon the college. There are plenty of colleges out there that have strong moral policies - AND students at such institutions perform much better than do graduates of state institutions where such behavior is enabled.

There are a few places like that out there and the vast majority of those follow a particular Christian philosophy. Almost none handle completely secularized, agnostic students.

The sooner we get online learning up and competitive, the better off we will be for most students. Those that need to network in meat-space (legacies in the Greek system) will still find a way to do it. The rest can set their own pace and concentrate on doing what they entered college to do: kill time until they pay enough to walk out with the special diploma paperwork.

Those in the hard sciences can then remake physical college spaces into the 24/7 Uber Geek facilities they were meant to be with 24 hour lab access, free wifi, and pizza for all. :)

linda22003
09-28-2009, 01:30 PM
I'm not even Catholic, so Jebbie politics is outside my field of knowledge or interest. The disbanding last happened a couple of centuries ago, and I don't think campuses are currently abuzz with the possibility. :rolleyes:
I think people who share dorm rooms should work out arrangements, we always did.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:44 PM
I'm not even Catholic, so Jebbie politics is outside my field of knowledge or interest. The disbanding last happened a couple of centuries ago, and I don't think campuses are currently abuzz with the possibility. :rolleyes:
I think people who share dorm rooms should work out arrangements, we always did.

I don't think that there should have to be arrangements - but if they can agree on one - fine. But the standard rule should be - GET A PRIVATE ROOM.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 01:51 PM
Was this a problem when you were in college, PoliCon? I don't know how old you are.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 01:59 PM
Was this a problem when you were in college, PoliCon? I don't know how old you are.

I did not live on campus and I went to a local catholic college with rules against such things.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 02:01 PM
Well, ON campus, in the 1970s, this was a common situation. I still don't think parents of today should be surprised.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 02:02 PM
Well, ON campus, in the 1970s, this was a common situation. I still don't think parents of today should be surprised.

I don't think most parents are aware just how open and brazen it's become - or they are naive and think that their kids would never do that.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 02:06 PM
In general, I don't think parents want to think about their children's sexuality - just as children are horrified by their parents'.
:D

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 02:33 PM
I don't think most parents are aware just how open and brazen it's become - or they are naive and think that their kids would never do that.

This is true. My roommate would have vaginal sex on her bed while I was sitting 8 feet away working. This happened a lot. She was not exceptional in this regard although most girls like her would at least throw a blanket over everything.

BadCat
09-28-2009, 02:57 PM
This is true. My roommate would have vaginal sex on her bed while I was sitting 8 feet away working. This happened a lot. She was not exceptional in this regard although most girls like her would at least throw a blanket over everything.

I found that aiming and emptying a can of Glade in their direction usually dampens the mood.

The song "I Smell Sex and Candy" should have been called "I Smell Sex and Asscrack".

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 03:04 PM
I found that aiming and emptying a can of Glade in their direction usually dampens the mood.

The song "I Smell Sex and Candy" should have been called "I Smell Sex and Asscrack".

What I really needed was bear spray. :p

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 03:07 PM
This is true. My roommate would have vaginal sex on her bed while I was sitting 8 feet away working. This happened a lot. She was not exceptional in this regard although most girls like her would at least throw a blanket over everything.

and that kind of shit is uncalled for.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 03:07 PM
I'm a little surprised you didn't do something about it, Ginger.

PoliCon
09-28-2009, 03:09 PM
I'm a little surprised you didn't do something about it, Ginger.

like raise a little 'stink?';)

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 03:20 PM
I'm a little surprised you didn't do something about it, Ginger.

I couldn't get a new roommate by that point and I couldn't afford my own place. I couldn't keep living in other people's dorm rooms. She had like 3 classes and she and her paramours were in and out constantly. There wasn't much I could do without getting kicked out, running afoul of the law, or living with having all my stuff trashed when I was at class or at work.

That's why this story annoys me so much. I wasn't the only woman who had this kind of problem - it was common. The RAs wouldn't do anything. Her "right" to have random sex at any moment trumped my right to have a secure, undistracted work space and sleeping place.

In the end, all the women who hated this crap moved in together when openings came up and all the amateur porn queens had to indulge each other. That really worked out well. Apparently two - four sluts cannot occupy the same space over time. it was like a new law of physics.

linda22003
09-28-2009, 03:22 PM
Well, I'm glad it had a happy(???) ending! :p

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 03:30 PM
Well, I'm glad it had a happy(???) ending! :p

If colleges really wanted to accommodate students, they divide the housing up better. Geeks in one place, bulimics and anorexics in another place, male and female sluts together elsewhere, and so on. It would save a lot of time.

MountainMan
09-28-2009, 11:47 PM
Her position was that I could leave or I could watch - whatever.



Tufts Daily (http://www.tuftsdaily.com/new-rules-regulate-sexual-activity-in-dormitory-rooms-1.1912397)

Did she have many others? :cool:

noonwitch
09-29-2009, 08:58 AM
I don't think most parents are aware just how open and brazen it's become - or they are naive and think that their kids would never do that.



I went to college in the early to mid 80s, and it was very open and brazen then. I think that schools have cracked down on alcohol abuse, which fueled a lot of my friends antics, but they have the law on their side regarding people under 21.


I was shocked my freshman year of college. The girls would brag about sex the morning afterwards like men do. My female friends from the dorm and I would go out all three weekend nights (Thursday to the bar, Friday and Saturday to various apartment parties). I had a couple of friends who would bang a different guy each night, each weekend, all school year. They were drunk most of the time they were doing this, too. Most of them got Chlamydia or the warts we now call HPV for their efforts, too.

Gingersnap
09-29-2009, 12:12 PM
Did she have many others? :cool:

Honestly, I tried not to know. She was vocal, I'll give her that. :mad: