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Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 05:49 PM
Pretty women can be hard to be friends with.

updated 11:19 a.m. EDT, Mon September 28, 2009Next Article in Living
By Jessica Wakeman

(The Frisky) -- Blame my older sister, the kindergarten teacher, but I believe in the Golden Rule. Whether you're my boss, my intern, my boyfriend or my third-cousin-twice-removed, I will treat you with the same amount of respect as everyone else.

It's not the looks, it's the attitude that can cause trouble, author says.

Why am I wired this way? Other kids were really cruel to me from grade school through high school -- whether putting Scotch tape in my hair during class, calling me "Cabbage Patch Kid" because of my chubby cheeks, or circulating my name on a list where girls were ranked by their hotness and I was rated 3 out of 10.

That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don't want anyone knowing what that's like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a brownnoser, ever.

It's striking to me, though, how not being a kiss-up has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I've stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. "The Pretty Girl" wanted me to play by her rules; I didn't want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever.

Let me be clear: I do have girlfriends. I'm not incapable of being friends with women. I have some really great female friends who are all regular-looking like me. When we bicker, we get over it. But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there's trouble. The Frisky: Why do women have Frenemies?

Let's face it: Beauty is a privilege. It acts like a honing device for male attention, opens doors to clubs, causes compliments to rain upon the lucky ones. But if the parties aren't careful, a beautiful friend and a regular-looking friend can get locked into a power dynamic.

Of course, not every beautiful woman lords her privilege over her less beautiful friends. Still, some do. Beauty is a universally valued quality for a woman; it offers privileges that can always be relied on. The logic of one's arguments, or articulation of one's emotions, unfortunately, is less reliable. And because plenty of women and men want to be around attractive women just so those privileges can rub off of them, some beautiful women aren't used to hearing "no."

I truly think my friendship difficulties with pretty women stem from my challenging them with words or reasoning, instead of just falling in line with the power dynamic they try to exert.

I love it when women do this kind of inane analysis on each other. :p

Good-looking women don't particularly care about "golden rule" girl friendships because they never have really close friendships with the kind of women who care about that sort of thing. They aren't "missing out" on anything - they already have BFFs.

It's more likely that this woman's proto-friendships with good-looking women foundered on their lack of common interests.

CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/09/28/tf.friends.with.pretty.women/index.html?eref=rss_latest)

JB
09-28-2009, 06:04 PM
She drew conclusions on an entire group of people based on her experiences with just a few.

I will call it hotism. Or smokinism. I'm not sure yet.

BadCat
09-28-2009, 06:29 PM
I'm more amused by the semi-good looking ones who hang out with the "pack of dogs that hell wouldn't screw".

I've run across many of these, one of them hung out with a very homely girl, because the homely girl had a rich daddy and she bought the drinks.

Usually, they hang out with them in order to make themselves look better. And these girls think the semi-good looking chick is their "friend". Ain't so.

Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 08:21 PM
I'm more amused by the semi-good looking ones who hang out with the "pack of dogs that hell wouldn't screw".

I've run across many of these, one of them hung out with a very homely girl, because the homely girl had a rich daddy and she bought the drinks.

Usually, they hang out with them in order to make themselves look better. And these girls think the semi-good looking chick is their "friend". Ain't so.

It's a common phenomenon. The good-looking (but not too good-looking) types surround themselves with various non-beauties to look better. The non-beauties lick up the crumbs willingly to share in the badly reflected glory.

Genuinely stunning women never bother with this tactic since they don't need it. Ditto for genuinely smart or talented women.

megimoo
09-28-2009, 09:40 PM
I'm more amused by the semi-good looking ones who hang out with the "pack of dogs that hell wouldn't screw".

I've run across many of these, one of them hung out with a very homely girl, because the homely girl had a rich daddy and she bought the drinks.

Usually, they hang out with them in order to make themselves look better. And these girls think the semi-good looking chick is their "friend". Ain't so.

It's usually a pretty one and a fat one as I recall .The good looking girl gets all of the attention and the fat one tags along .The pretty girl was usually aloof, Imperiously looked down her nose at most men and the fat one was usually kind of shy .

My favorite ploy was always to romance the fat girl and ignore the other. That usually confused the hell out of other girl and made her angry.

If I were in a club at the bar and there was a pair of girls seated, one fat and the other pretty I would slide besides the fat one to get to the bar and apologise for squashing her all the while smiling at her .

After a moment I would start a conversation and compliment her on her clothing and how nice she smelled, offer to buy her a drink, paying her rapt attention and be nice to her while completely ignoring the other girl .

The fat girl would usually buy me a drink in return and introduce her friend .I would politely nod and smile and tell her my name and return to the fat girl and generally not pay any further attention to other girl.

The pretty one would sometimes do a slow burn and try to run me off but the fat girl would continue to smile at me and I at her . Most of the time she would start competing with the fat girl for my attention and all night the the fat girl would keep buying a large portion of our drinks.

The fat girl usually had the better personality and sense of humor.As the night wore on she sometimes would turn on the good looking one and she would end up sulking.

I found that generally I had a much better time talking to the heavy set girl spending the time with her rather than having to pander to an extremely attractive, high maintenance Prima Donna !

RobJohnson
09-29-2009, 03:01 AM
I'm friends with alot of pretty women!