Gingersnap
09-28-2009, 05:49 PM
Pretty women can be hard to be friends with.
updated 11:19 a.m. EDT, Mon September 28, 2009Next Article in Living »
By Jessica Wakeman
(The Frisky) -- Blame my older sister, the kindergarten teacher, but I believe in the Golden Rule. Whether you're my boss, my intern, my boyfriend or my third-cousin-twice-removed, I will treat you with the same amount of respect as everyone else.
It's not the looks, it's the attitude that can cause trouble, author says.
Why am I wired this way? Other kids were really cruel to me from grade school through high school -- whether putting Scotch tape in my hair during class, calling me "Cabbage Patch Kid" because of my chubby cheeks, or circulating my name on a list where girls were ranked by their hotness and I was rated 3 out of 10.
That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don't want anyone knowing what that's like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a brownnoser, ever.
It's striking to me, though, how not being a kiss-up has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I've stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. "The Pretty Girl" wanted me to play by her rules; I didn't want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever.
Let me be clear: I do have girlfriends. I'm not incapable of being friends with women. I have some really great female friends who are all regular-looking like me. When we bicker, we get over it. But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there's trouble. The Frisky: Why do women have Frenemies?
Let's face it: Beauty is a privilege. It acts like a honing device for male attention, opens doors to clubs, causes compliments to rain upon the lucky ones. But if the parties aren't careful, a beautiful friend and a regular-looking friend can get locked into a power dynamic.
Of course, not every beautiful woman lords her privilege over her less beautiful friends. Still, some do. Beauty is a universally valued quality for a woman; it offers privileges that can always be relied on. The logic of one's arguments, or articulation of one's emotions, unfortunately, is less reliable. And because plenty of women and men want to be around attractive women just so those privileges can rub off of them, some beautiful women aren't used to hearing "no."
I truly think my friendship difficulties with pretty women stem from my challenging them with words or reasoning, instead of just falling in line with the power dynamic they try to exert.
I love it when women do this kind of inane analysis on each other. :p
Good-looking women don't particularly care about "golden rule" girl friendships because they never have really close friendships with the kind of women who care about that sort of thing. They aren't "missing out" on anything - they already have BFFs.
It's more likely that this woman's proto-friendships with good-looking women foundered on their lack of common interests.
CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/09/28/tf.friends.with.pretty.women/index.html?eref=rss_latest)
updated 11:19 a.m. EDT, Mon September 28, 2009Next Article in Living »
By Jessica Wakeman
(The Frisky) -- Blame my older sister, the kindergarten teacher, but I believe in the Golden Rule. Whether you're my boss, my intern, my boyfriend or my third-cousin-twice-removed, I will treat you with the same amount of respect as everyone else.
It's not the looks, it's the attitude that can cause trouble, author says.
Why am I wired this way? Other kids were really cruel to me from grade school through high school -- whether putting Scotch tape in my hair during class, calling me "Cabbage Patch Kid" because of my chubby cheeks, or circulating my name on a list where girls were ranked by their hotness and I was rated 3 out of 10.
That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don't want anyone knowing what that's like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a brownnoser, ever.
It's striking to me, though, how not being a kiss-up has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I've stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. "The Pretty Girl" wanted me to play by her rules; I didn't want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever.
Let me be clear: I do have girlfriends. I'm not incapable of being friends with women. I have some really great female friends who are all regular-looking like me. When we bicker, we get over it. But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there's trouble. The Frisky: Why do women have Frenemies?
Let's face it: Beauty is a privilege. It acts like a honing device for male attention, opens doors to clubs, causes compliments to rain upon the lucky ones. But if the parties aren't careful, a beautiful friend and a regular-looking friend can get locked into a power dynamic.
Of course, not every beautiful woman lords her privilege over her less beautiful friends. Still, some do. Beauty is a universally valued quality for a woman; it offers privileges that can always be relied on. The logic of one's arguments, or articulation of one's emotions, unfortunately, is less reliable. And because plenty of women and men want to be around attractive women just so those privileges can rub off of them, some beautiful women aren't used to hearing "no."
I truly think my friendship difficulties with pretty women stem from my challenging them with words or reasoning, instead of just falling in line with the power dynamic they try to exert.
I love it when women do this kind of inane analysis on each other. :p
Good-looking women don't particularly care about "golden rule" girl friendships because they never have really close friendships with the kind of women who care about that sort of thing. They aren't "missing out" on anything - they already have BFFs.
It's more likely that this woman's proto-friendships with good-looking women foundered on their lack of common interests.
CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/09/28/tf.friends.with.pretty.women/index.html?eref=rss_latest)