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Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 08:55 AM
44 degrees on The Mountain. Overcast. Rain is supposed to be moving in this afternoon.

I worked yesterday so I'm just going to take it easy today and do some writing and maybe watch a football game. I tried to watch the Georgia game but was so sleepy I retired early. Uga VII died this week and the Bulldogs lost at home to Kentucky.

Dang.

There was a thread earlier this week about saying Sir and Ma'am, and being addressed as Sir or Ma'am. .

When I was growing up, the use of these terms was not optional. As a youth or even an older teen, you were expected to say Sir to an older man and Ma'am to an older woman, and if you did not you would often be corrected and required to say it. Of course, as I grew older there were more people who were younger and then I started to get called Sir at a certain point and that felt a little weird the first time it happened.

The discussion got me thinking about manners in general. I was taught to open a door for other people as a common courtesy, to say please and thank you , and to say excuse me if I bumped into someone, or even almost bumped into someone.

I continue to do theses things today as they are second nature to me.

I also wear hats because I am bald on top and it keeps the sun off my scalp. For me, they are not an affectation but are a practical and functional part of my wardrobe. I also like hats.

There is a certain etiquette to wearing a hat. It is not as formal today as it was in years past but I feel if I wear a hat I should observe basic rules for hat wearing. If I am in a common hall or a lobby or any sort of common area, I keep my hat on my head. If I go into an office or an apartment I take it off. If I am on an elevator I leave it on unless a lady is on the elevator or a lady gets onto the elevator. In a bar I take my hat off but keep it with me. In a restaurant I damned sure take my hat off. The way that I tip my hat to someone is to give a simple head nod instead of some grand gesture like doffing the hat which would seem overblown. This seems reasonable to me.

This is not intended as a criticism of those who think differently about such matters, and I certainly would not continue in doing something along these lines that another person found objectionable, but courtesies such as these are really ingrained in me and are a habit of being.

I don't feel in the least subservient to a person to whom I am extending a courtesy. To me these matters are a part of civility and mutual respect.

These things seem to be in short supply today.

TOTD: How do you feel about manners? I'm not talking about eating the salad with the wrong fork (although there is a place for table manners) but simple manners that ease our daily lives.

Big Guy
11-22-2009, 10:07 AM
When my son's freinds come over to visit they know, take off your hat inside, we pray before we eat and we say excuse me or pardon me.

I have been told that some of these kids (In their 20's) started doing this at home. Good manners are contagious.

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 10:54 AM
When my son's freinds come over to visit they know, take off your hat inside, we pray before we eat and we say excuse me or pardon me.

I have been told that some of these kids (In their 20's) started doing this at home. Good manners are contagious.

The way I learned what manners I have was from my elders, both by word and by example.

Rockntractor
11-22-2009, 10:56 AM
The way I learned what manners I have was from my elders, both by word and by example.

I learned them from abrupt blows to the side of my head. It worked!

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 10:57 AM
I learned them from abrupt blows to the side of my head. It worked!

Well, there is that.

Cuffing the cubs it's called. Been there, done that.

Milly
11-22-2009, 12:16 PM
My friend, the raving feminist, used to respond to a man being mannerly with a snarl and a "Whatsamatta'? Dontcha' think I can open my own f'ing door?"

This was in the 60s and she has since come to decry the total lack of manners of today's youngsters. You reap what you sow.

Rockntractor
11-22-2009, 12:25 PM
My friend, the raving feminist, used to respond to a man being mannerly with a snarl and a "Whatsamatta'? Dontcha' think I can open my own f'ing door?"

This was in the 60s and she has since come to decry the total lack of manners of today's youngsters. You reap what you sow.
Where have you been Milly and how are you doing!

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 12:25 PM
My friend, the raving feminist, used to respond to a man being mannerly with a snarl and a "Whatsamatta'? Dontcha' think I can open my own f'ing door?"

This was in the 60s and she has since come to decry the total lack of manners of today's youngsters. You reap what you sow.

I've never had that happen to me but I've heard about it. The thing is, I will open a door or hold a door for anyone, male or female. I don't make a big show of it either. I just open the door.

It's extended as a courtesy, not a put down.

BadCat
11-22-2009, 12:37 PM
I learned them from abrupt blows to the side of my head. It worked!

Yeah, I was raised with a Southern heritage ingrained in me too.

RobJohnson
11-22-2009, 12:41 PM
Manners are a way of life for me. I'm just a nice guy.

Shannon
11-22-2009, 12:55 PM
I'm driving the brat to 10 million places today. I really just want him to turn 16 already.:mad:

TOTD: Southerners tend to be well mannered. We are raised properly. I just naturally assume, when somebody exhibits rude behavior, that they are a Yankee.

Rockntractor
11-22-2009, 12:58 PM
I'm driving the brat to 10 million places today. I really just want him to turn 16 already.:mad:

TOTD: Southerners tend to be well mannered. We are raised properly. I just naturally assume, when somebody exhibits rude behavior, that they are a Yankee.

When he's 16 you will be a grandma.

Shannon
11-22-2009, 01:02 PM
When he's 16 you will be a grandma.

I'm going to hurt you.

JB
11-22-2009, 01:36 PM
some grand gesture like doffing the hat which would seem overblown.Yeah, you never see that anymore. Head nod is sufficient.

I don't mind if the kids wear their hats indoors but never at the table. If I estimate a woman to be over 30, it's ma'am. Otherwise it's miss.

And I only hold the door for hot chicks. :D

RobJohnson
11-22-2009, 01:42 PM
And I only hold the door for hot chicks. :D

http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Drinks/drinking-43.gif

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 02:34 PM
Yeah, you never see that anymore. Head nod is sufficient.

I don't mind if the kids wear their hats indoors but never at the table. If I estimate a woman to be over 30, it's ma'am. Otherwise it's miss.

And I only hold the door for hot chicks. :D

That just reminded me that the other day at Wally World I was at the checkout and made eye contact with a very elderly lady in the next line. She was very properly dressed and had her little purse and was just the picture of propriety.

I actually doffed my hat to her and she smiled. I'm sure she's from back in the day when that was just the way it was done.

hampshirebrit
11-22-2009, 03:02 PM
Good TOTD thread.

It's a generational thing, I guess. I was raised in much the same way as Bubba describes. "Sir" and "Miss" (the latter being more usual in the UK than Ma'am. Only the Queen and Mrs Thatcher get Ma'am.

When I left school, went on to college and then into proper work, the usage became less and less usual in the UK.

It's fading out here fast, and that's a shame. I still get called "sir" in business transactions, so I guess that's good enough. The cops have been known to call me sir as well, when they are administering three more points or a telling off for speeding. I try to get in there first with "sir" in such encounters. It's saved me a few tickets, I reckon.

The "Sir/Ma'am" thing has always been bigger in the US than it has been here. When I was younger, doing light construction work in NYC, the crew chief, since he didn't know people's names, would say "Excuse me, sir", just to get someone's attention. I always liked that. He was the crew chief and I was an erk. He didn't need to do it, but it gives a landing space for mutual respect to develop between non-equals. You don't get that in the UK very often.

I was in the lounge at T5-LHR waiting to catch a plane to Brussels and this utter babe of an American girl, seeing I had a pc (yuck, work) on the table in front of me said "Excuse me, sir, are you online, is there any wifi here?" I love that. We had a good chat before I had to go for the plane.

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 03:16 PM
I grew up in the American South when segregation was ending. I make a habit of calling older black men and women Sir and Ma'am because there was a day in their lifetimes when they were probably called boy or girl (or worse).

JackKetch
11-22-2009, 03:23 PM
I'm driving the brat to 10 million places today. I really just want him to turn 16 already.:mad:

TOTD: Southerners tend to be well mannered. We are raised properly. I just naturally assume, when somebody exhibits rude behavior, that they are a Yankee.

a few years ago i was on the faculty of a college where the student body was 98-99% Southern and became accustomed to students holding doors open for me. i also open and hold doors, of course, because i'm a Southerner. but students would rush to get to the door before i could open it, which was nice to see.

sometimes i would go over to a nearby college with maybe 20-25% Yankee students. more than once i nearly got hit in the face with a door there because i thought the Yankee kid who went through first would hold the door for me. of course he never did. i suppose that's why they won the war; they're ruthless.

Bubba Dawg
11-22-2009, 03:25 PM
a few years ago i was on the faculty of a college where the student body was 98-99% Southern and became accustomed to students holding doors open for me. i also open and hold doors, of course, because i'm a Southerner. but students would rush to get to the door before i could open it, which was nice to see.

sometimes i would go over to a nearby college with maybe 20-25% Yankee students. more than once i nearly got hit in the face with a door there because i thought the Yankee kid who went through first would hold the door for me. of course he never did. i suppose that's why they won the war; they're ruthless.



That and there were so damned many of them.:D

JB
11-22-2009, 04:41 PM
I was in the lounge at T5-LHR waiting to catch a plane to Brussels and this utter babe of an American girl, seeing I had a pc (yuck, work) on the table in front of me said "Excuse me, sir, are you online, is there any wifi here?" I love that. Really? "Sir" from a babe pains me. :D

lacarnut
11-22-2009, 07:10 PM
I learned them from abrupt blows to the side of my head. It worked!

If I disrepected my mother like saying yeah or how kids talk to their parents today, my dad would gi ve me a wack upside the head.

RobJohnson
11-22-2009, 08:16 PM
Really? "Sir" from a babe pains me. :D

It's a turn on to me. :p

linda22003
11-23-2009, 07:42 AM
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady, then left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
- P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners

Gingersnap
11-23-2009, 09:37 AM
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady, then left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
- P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners

P.J. is wrong about this. He probably wrote that back when he still had all his hair. Mr. Snaps is a hat-wearer in the winter and I wish he'd convert to year round usage. He's got his hair but a hat (a real hat, I mean) is just so sexy on a man.

I think day-to-day manners and common courtesy are important. One of the best arguments for common courtesy is that it's small social lubricant that makes everybody equal. Whether you are a clueless teen or a dotty elder, if you both know enough to make simple introductions, hold doors, say please and thank you, and make pleasant small talk, everybody will have a better day.

linda22003
11-23-2009, 10:31 AM
P.J. still has a full head of hair, when he's not doing chemo.