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Rebel Yell
12-15-2009, 12:38 PM
There are a little less than three weeks left in this, the so far awesomest decade of the 21st century. But bizarrely, no one seems to have settled on a name for it yet. Where the 80s and 90s came pre-loaded with catchy nicknames (the “80s” and “90s”), this, the most futuristic of all decades has struggled when it comes to labeling itself. That’s not to say there haven’t been attempts; a handful of contenders have emerged over the last few years. However, under close inspection, all of them appear to be 10 times worse than a thousand turd burritos. Maybe you’ll see what I mean when we have a look together…

Contender #1: The Zeros
<snip>
Contender #2: The New Millennium
<snip>
Contender #3: The Singles
<snip>

Contender #4: The Aughts
<snip>
Contender #5: The Naughties
<snip>
Contender #6: The Bush Years
<snip>
A common thread running through all of the proposed solutions so far lies in their focus on strict logical interpretations of the calendar dates. The problem with this is that there’s an enormous void in the English language when it comes to properly branding the group of the first ten digits - the so called “ass end of the natural-number system.” The English language wasn’t created by marketing profesionals, instead being developed over generations by the collective will of our ancestors. (Thanks, jerks.) Which means if we’re going to break out of this jam, we’re going to have to forsake this childish attachment to using “real words” or “making sense.”

Instead, let’s approach this like the advertising problem it really is. What would Don Draper do were he hypothetically asked to work on the “Decade Account?” I mean, aside from mopishly fuck someone who wasn’t his wife. Why he’d break it down using these classic advertising brainstorming techniques:

Who are the customers?
People in the future.

Ok, I know, this is technically the customer for everything but bear with me for a second. Whatever label we come up with isn’t going to be used within this decade (it’s too late for that now.) No, it will be retroactively applied to this decade by observers in the future. To properly label it, we need to find out what those people want and expect from a decade’s name.

What do they want?
Well, they’re in the future, so we can’t just ask them. However, a close study of historical trends, sociological tendencies, and a knowledge of basic statistics tells us that at a minimum, people in the future will almost certainly want to destroy the past by sending waves of killer time traveling robots into history to punch through our torsos.

Holy shit! How do we stop them?
Seeing as only a tiny fraction of the population (and only half of the Cracked audience) are capable of kicking a titanium robot in half, as a civilization, we would have next to no chance of fighting off an army of murder-bots when they arrive. Instead, we have to convince the future that this decade isn’t worth destroying. That this is a time in the Earth’s history when it’s inhabitants were so pitiful and weak that sending a single murder-bot to destroy it would be a waste of resources. That’s why, after much though, I have come up with the best name for our decade:

The Dorkade.

The great thing about this is that it lines up so well with our actual character and makeup. An example: raise your hand if you spent more than twenty hours playing World of Warcraft this week. Even if you said no, the fact that that’s actually a plausible question, and that there are people actually raising their flabby pale hands right now, should sicken you. Seriously. This is the decade of Fantasy Football, the Rickroll, vampire novels, video games based on vampire novels, and losers making jokes about video games based on vampire novels. We fucking suck. Not only is calling this decade The Dorkade out best bet for avoiding getting run through by a robot fist, it’s the most accurate name we’ve got. I strongly suggest you all begin using it everywhere, even up to the point of putting large decals on your car or face.


Sad, but true.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-decade-with-no-name/

noonwitch
12-15-2009, 12:51 PM
I like Dorkade. It's fitting.

Speedy
12-15-2009, 01:15 PM
How about the double aughts?

http://www.barplan.com/blog/home/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/jethro_bodine.jpg

FlaGator
12-15-2009, 01:16 PM
The Lost Decade... the decade every body lost.

BadCat
12-15-2009, 01:20 PM
I vote for "thankfully over".

ralph wiggum
12-15-2009, 01:24 PM
The great thing about this is that it lines up so well with our actual character and makeup. An example: raise your hand if you spent more than twenty hours playing World of Warcraft this week. Even if you said no, the fact that that’s actually a plausible question, and that there are people actually raising their flabby pale hands right now, should sicken you.

Why is that even a plausible question? :confused:

I've vaguely heard of the game, probably from commercials & banner ads. I've never once heard anyone talk about playing it. Stupid.

FlaGator
12-15-2009, 01:30 PM
Any one for the Cap and Trade Decade?

Bubba Dawg
12-15-2009, 08:44 PM
How about the double aughts?

http://www.barplan.com/blog/home/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/jethro_bodine.jpg

I'm down with that. :D

Rockntractor
12-15-2009, 09:21 PM
http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv230/upyourstruly/obama_hero.jpg?t=1260930071

johvale
12-16-2009, 08:55 AM
How about the double aughts?

http://www.barplan.com/blog/home/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/jethro_bodine.jpg

I agree... Aughts or double Aughts... Let it depend on the amount of syllables that someone feels like uttering.