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PoliCon
01-17-2010, 12:52 AM
I breastfeed my dog

Monday 4th January 2010

How do you stop your dog from barking? Breastfeed her, of course. It worked for Suzanne Morgan, 32, anyway.

It was sod's law. I'd just got my daughter, Tasha, off to sleep, now, my dog, Dixie, was barking like mad to be fed. I opened the kitchen cupboard, only to see there wasn't a single tin of dog food left. I felt like crying. Worst of all, I knew Dixie wouldn't shut up until she'd filled her stomach.
'We must have something,' I said, as I peered inside the fridge.
Then I spotted the bottles of breast milk I'd expressed earlier that day.

Admittedly, Tasha, 17 months, was quite old to still be breastfeeding, but I loved the bond it gave us, so I'd decided to carry on. It was free, too, which was good, because since I'd split up with her dad, Ted Collins, 35, when she was 3 months old, money was tight.
I'd always produced more milk than Tasha could drink, so I'd got into the habit of keeping some in the fridge for when I left her with a babysitter.
I stared at the milk and then back at Dixie. I couldn't, could I?
But her barking deafened me.
'What's the worst that can happen?' I said, grabbing one of the bottles and pouring it in her bowl.
Dixie sniffed her bowl, and in no time at all, she'd lapped it up. I started to wonder.

Was I the only one who fed breast milk to a dog? I got on the internet, and within minutes I'd found no end of women who'd breastfed dogs, cats, even pigs. A lot of them didn't just pour the milk into their pet's bowls, they let them suckle at their breasts, too.
'Oh my God,' I gasped, as I looked at a photo of a woman with a cat suckling on her boob.
Surely that was unhygienic? Not to mention painful?
But the more I read, the more normal it seemed.
It's almost as rewarding as feeding a baby, one woman had written.

That night, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Clearly, Dixie liked my milk.
So a few nights later, after I'd fed Tasha, Dixie jumped on the settee and I held my left
boob towards her. I squeezed out some milk, and wiped it around my nipple.
Within seconds, her long, pink tongue was gently licking my skin.
It tickled at first, but then, as she started suckling away, it didn't feel much different to having Tasha there.
'You liked that, didn't you girl?' I said, as she gently pawed my chest.
Despite having a mouthful of sharp teeth, she didn't bite me and 10 minutes later, I gently pulled her off.

I was itching to tell someone about it.
But how? My mum, Jane, 62, and my mates would think I'd gone mad. So I kept it to myself.
But to be on the safe side, I rang the doctor and told him. He went quiet.
'I-I suppose there isn't a risk if they're both healthy…' he stammered.
That put my mind at rest. That lunchtime, I let Tasha feed from my left breast, then Dixie from my right. I disinfected myself afterwards. I didn't expect everyone to be quite so open-minded, though.

So I didn't tell my boyfriend of one month, Paul Murphy, 33.
On 15 October, I missed my period and was thrilled to find out I was pregnant.
Sadly, things didn't work out with me and Paul, so after four months together, we split.
Two months on, Tasha isn't feeding any more, so it's a relief to have Dixie sucking some of the milk out of my swollen boobs.
I still feed her twice a day for 20 minutes a time.

My baby's due in June and I'll stop breastfeeding Dixie when I'm three months pregnant. Then I'll express milk for her and start breastfeeding her again once the baby reaches 4 months. Yes, it's weird. But it works for us.

Dixie, Tasha and I are happy, so you can think what you like, but I reckon you shouldn't knock it 'til you've tried it!

Yes there is pic goodness at the link . . .

http://www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/I_breastfeed_my_dog_article_293284.html

Florida has NOTHING on those brits!

Rockntractor
01-17-2010, 12:55 AM
Does your mommy know what your using the computer for?:rolleyes:

lacarnut
01-17-2010, 12:57 AM
Shit like that is the reason I do not go to DU. I don't want any of that insanity to rub off.:eek::eek::eek:

Next week she will be having sex with Fido.

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 01:04 AM
Does your mommy know what your using the computer for?:rolleyes:

If by Mommy you mean Mrs. Con she's sleeping. Contentedly. I made sure I put several smiles on her face before she went to sleep. :cool:

I think I sprained my tongue though . . . .:(

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 01:04 AM
Shit like that is the reason I do not go to DU. I don't want any of that insanity to rub off.:eek::eek::eek:

Next week she will be having sex with Fido.

did you see the picture? I'm not sure they're different species . . . . I'm not even sure LARS would hit that!

lacarnut
01-17-2010, 01:07 AM
did you see the picture? I'm not sure they're different species . . . . I'm not even sure LARS would hit that!

No, I did not look at the picture. I figured bleach would not get the red out.

On edit, you are an asshole for getting my curiosity up and looking.

Rockntractor
01-17-2010, 01:09 AM
did you see the picture? I'm not sure they're different species . . . . I'm not even sure LARS would hit that!

I am not even tempted to see the picture and only read two or three lines. I know bestiality exists but I really am not interested in any of the details.

lacarnut
01-17-2010, 01:11 AM
I am not even tempted to see the picture and only read two or three lines. I know bestiality exists but I really am not interested in any of the details.

Don't. Take my word for it.

Rockntractor
01-17-2010, 01:15 AM
Dammit Poli your toast!:eek:

AlmostThere
01-17-2010, 01:38 AM
did you see the picture? I'm not sure they're different species . . . . I'm not even sure LARS would hit that!

GOD is going to severely punish you for this, ya know. You just HAD to share that link, didn't you? I'm not sure how many years I have left, but I'm sure I will be TRAUMATIZED for each and every one of them. :eek::eek:

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 01:47 AM
No, I did not look at the picture. I figured bleach would not get the red out.

On edit, you are an asshole for getting my curiosity up and looking.


Dammit Poli your toast!:eek:

:p:p:p

SUCKERS!

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 01:47 AM
GOD is going to severely punish you for this, ya know. You just HAD to share that link, didn't you? I'm not sure how many years I have left, but I'm sure I will be TRAUMATIZED for each and every one of them. :eek::eek:

You'll never look at a white dog the same . . . .

AlmostThere
01-17-2010, 02:29 AM
You'll never look at a white dog the same . . . .

OK, that's funny and true. JUST DON"T DO IT AGAIN!!! :D

lacarnut
01-17-2010, 10:41 AM
:p:p:p

SUCKERS!

SR needs to put your gross ass in the penalty box for showing that.

obx
01-17-2010, 10:48 AM
Which one is the dog?
________
Vaporizer (http://twitter.com/vaporizer)

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 10:50 AM
MY Eyes....Oh God. My Eyes..... :eek:

She really should change the dog's name to Tat.

Rockntractor
01-17-2010, 10:56 AM
MY Eyes....Oh God. My Eyes..... :eek:

She really should change the dog's name to Tat.

:D

hampshirebrit
01-17-2010, 12:04 PM
Jayslijk !! :eek: I knew I shouldn't have looked. All the warnings, and I still did.

Thanks, Policon, thanks a bunch. :mad::D

BSR
01-17-2010, 02:16 PM
MY Eyes....Oh God. My Eyes..... :eek:

She really should change the dog's name to Tat.

http://thefurtiveglance.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/rim-shot-johnny-utah.jpg

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 02:23 PM
http://thefurtiveglance.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/rim-shot-johnny-utah.jpg

:D

....try the veal....

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 02:27 PM
If by Mommy you mean Mrs. Con she's sleeping. Contentedly. I made sure I put several smiles on her face before she went to sleep. :cool:

I think I sprained my tongue though . . . .:(

Dude, if she's still makin' you wear that bag over your head you gotta cut a hole in it to use your tongue. :rolleyes:

hampshirebrit
01-17-2010, 02:36 PM
For the avoidance of doubt, I'd just like to add at this point, that it is not normal practice in the UK for women to offer "bitty" to canines.

That is all. Carry on. :p

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 02:49 PM
For the avoidance of doubt, I'd just like to add at this point, that it is not normal practice in the UK for women to offer "bitty" to canines.

That is all. Carry on. :p

"bitty"...?????

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 02:59 PM
Which one is the dog?

MY POINT EXACTLY!:D

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 02:59 PM
Jayslijk !! :eek: I knew I shouldn't have looked. All the warnings, and I still did.

Thanks, Policon, thanks a bunch. :mad::D

hey - she's one of yours!:p

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 03:00 PM
Dude, if she's still makin' you wear that bag over your head you gotta cut a hole in it to use your tongue. :rolleyes:

:rolleyes: It wasn't a bag that was on my head . . . .

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 03:01 PM
For the avoidance of doubt, I'd just like to add at this point, that it is not normal practice in the UK for women to offer "bitty" to canines.

That is all. Carry on. :p

sure sure sure. ;)

hampshirebrit
01-17-2010, 03:02 PM
"bitty"...?????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q3Dd0F36v4

So wrong, but so funny.

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 03:03 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q3Dd0F36v4

So wrong, but so funny.

That show is a hoot! yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-

NJCardFan
01-17-2010, 03:06 PM
In all seriousness, am I the only one appalled that she let's her kid suckle the same teet as the dog? I'm sorry but this woman has mental issues and that child should be taken away.

hampshirebrit
01-17-2010, 03:13 PM
That show is a hoot! yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-yea-but-no-but-


Dear Vicky Pollard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTB6eZwIrdg

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 03:28 PM
In all seriousness, am I the only one appalled that she let's her kid suckle the same teet as the dog? I'm sorry but this woman has mental issues and that child should be taken away.

One for doggie one for baby.....she's got two.....:rolleyes:

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 03:30 PM
:rolleyes: It wasn't a bag that was on my head . . . .

She makes you use two bags!!!!!:eek:

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 03:39 PM
In all seriousness, am I the only one appalled that she let's her kid suckle the same teet as the dog? I'm sorry but this woman has mental issues and that child should be taken away.

they only do that for being Christian or for spanking in the UK silly.

Bubba Dawg
01-17-2010, 03:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q3Dd0F36v4

So wrong, but so funny.

LOL. That is great. :D

Rockntractor
01-17-2010, 03:45 PM
they only do that for being Christian or for spanking in the UK silly.
But your "wife" (mommy) spanks you and your still home!:confused:

PoliCon
01-17-2010, 03:49 PM
Dear Vicky Pollard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTB6eZwIrdg

We should do a TOTD where we try to figure out Which Little Britain character best fits each CU member! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUf0HU5UKoc

This one reminds me of a certain staffer. ;)