PDA

View Full Version : The day I decided to stop being gay



Gingersnap
01-21-2010, 02:43 PM
From The Times January 18, 2010

The day I decided to stop being gay

Twenty years after he came out, Patrick Muirhead, 41, explains why he is suddenly feeling the appeal of the opposite sex. Patrick Muirhead has already reinvented himself as a pilot. Now he wishes to become a father

A minor incident in a barber’s shop last week has helped me to realise that I may no longer be gay. Not a fully fledged homo, anyway; perhaps not even a part-timer who helps the team out when it’s busy. It appears I may be going straight.

I was in Tenterden, the Kentish village where I was brought up and to which I have lately returned, working at a nearby aerodrome as a helicopter pilot. I was waiting my turn for a chatty Latvian to apply the hot towels and razor.

A handsome young dad entered with a small, fair-haired boy at his side. The man took a seat and hoisted the wide-eyed child proudly on to his knee. The first haircut, I speculated inwardly, as an unfamiliar fatherly glow and feeling of mild envy swept over me. I could not tear my attention away from the mirrored reflections.

From time to time, the dad leant forward as they waited and whispered close to his son’s ear, tenderly kissing his fair head. Touching stuff. But then my eyes lowered and I became transfixed by the sight of the boy’s tiny pink fingers gripping his father’s huge, workman-like fist. And I almost wanted to burst into song.

I think my life changed at that moment.

That’s love, folks. Simple really. A proud dad, an adored little boy and a beautiful display of dependence and responsibility. It was the epiphany I had needed and I emerged with a dashing new haircut and a desire to procreate.

Gays have children these days, of course they do, and not always to accessorise an outfit. Some gay couples adopt; others follow twisting paths to biological parenthood, often quite expensively, with the involvement of test tubes and cash changing hands. It is, really, a sort of snook to the system of nature. Shooting for the net without the chore of running with the ball. It’s just not for me.

And lately I have, almost imperceptibly, been laying the groundwork to make parenthood happen in the old-fashioned way. I have been flirting with someone at my local pub, thinking about her at odd times, making excuses to call her and wondering if she likes me. It’s rather strange.

This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.

I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.

My sexuality was formed behind bike sheds and in school dormitories, a most unimaginatively clichéd pattern of pubescent fumbling. This propelled me into a lifestyle, reinforced by a social milieu of flamboyant media gays. At the BBC, where I worked for seven years, homosexuality was very nearly compulsory.

More at the link.

Times Online (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article6990013.ece)

MountainMan
01-21-2010, 02:52 PM
Some will dismiss it as heresy. I have long argued that homosexuality is natural but abnormal, to a torrent of hostility from gay friends who refuse to acknowledge that what you are and what stake you hold in society are not the same.

Loving your own sex occurs in nature, without artificial triggers. But it is still not average behaviour. Homosexuality is an aberration; a natural aberration. Gays are a minority and minorities, though sometimes vocal, do not hold sway.

To have this published at all in such a liberal paper is tantamount to heresy. :eek:

I can remember over at NU when I was attacked for calling homosexuality abnormal. I was attacked by the liberals of course but also a few conservatives..... Now here is a "former" homosexual saying the same thing I did.

linda22003
01-21-2010, 03:07 PM
I don't know how it works for anyone else, but my sexuality is fixed and as far as I'm aware, innate. I didn't one day "decide" to be interested in guys; it just happened that way. I couldn't legitimately "decide" I was suddenly sexually attracted to women. I could certainly go through the motions with them, but I wouldn't be sincerely in love with them.

He wants a baby, and he realizes the easiest way to get one is to go through the traditional route.

noonwitch
01-21-2010, 03:09 PM
I wouldn't date him, if I knew all that. I'd never feel secure.


Seriously, as much as I may defend gay rights, I don't think sexuality is always a fixed and definite thing. From an individual psychology perspective, I don't think it does clients well to assume that they have accepted their sexual orientation, if they bring it up during treatment for other issues.

In particular, modern psychology denies a connection between homosexuality and a history of sexual abuse victimization in childhood. I don't think every gay person is gay because he or she was sexually abused as a child. But if a client thinks there is a connection, his or her feelings should be explored in therapy. That client didn't bring it up for no reason.

Rockntractor
01-21-2010, 03:24 PM
I couldn't legitimately "decide" I was suddenly sexually attracted to women. I could certainly go through the motions with them, but I wouldn't be sincerely in love with them.


:eek::eek::eek::eek:

Gingersnap
01-21-2010, 03:32 PM
I've known way too many conveniently gay women to think that this situation is rare. In women, it may even be common. After all, we are all pretty terrific actresses when we want to be. Love doesn't always have much of anything to do with sexual arousal in women.

So they're gay in college to escape the hook-ups and they rediscover their heterosexual interests when the dating game prospects pick up. Ten years later it's 2.1 kids and a minivan. I have no doubt that some men can have a similar enlightenment. After all, 40 is about the threshold of the grave for gay men in terms of unpaid sexual interest from others.

It's worth remembering that while same-sex gratification has been around forever, "homosexuality" as a lifestyle/pathology/identity is just 100 years old or so. When Alexander the Great was busy banging the Persian boy (along with numberless females) he wasn't doing it because he had to, he did it because he wanted to and nobody at the time thought a thing of it.

This author probably has it right: homosexuality is natural but abnormal. There are any number of natural inclinations that are either abnormal or destructive.

linda22003
01-21-2010, 03:33 PM
:eek::eek::eek::eek:

It's not a big deal. Apparently Ginger agrees.

wilbur
01-21-2010, 04:54 PM
This author probably has it right: homosexuality is natural but abnormal. There are any number of natural inclinations that are either abnormal or destructive.

It depends what you mean by "abnormal". If you simply mean a deviation from the standard case (ie, not typical), then sure. If you're using it in some value laden way, well thats total horse***t.

Rebel Yell
01-21-2010, 05:01 PM
It depends what you mean by "abnormal". If you simply mean a deviation from the standard case (ie, not typical), then sure. If your using it in some value laden way, well thats total horse***t.

Abnormal means not normal. What do mean by "mean"? BTW, congrats on the short post.:D

Gingersnap
01-21-2010, 05:17 PM
It depends what you mean by "abnormal". If you simply mean a deviation from the standard case (ie, not typical), then sure. If you're using it in some value laden way, well thats total horse***t.

Yeah, wilbur it's both "not normative" and "not socially useful"

But this thread isn't about whether or not I support or merely tolerate this particular sexual behavior. It's about the malleability of sexual behavior in at least some human beings.

Rockntractor
01-21-2010, 05:39 PM
It depends what you mean by "abnormal". If you simply mean a deviation from the standard case (ie, not typical), then sure. If you're using it in some value laden way, well thats total horse***t.
Wilbur with you it is not only normal it's expected! So get packing!:D

RobJohnson
01-22-2010, 05:20 AM
More at the link.

Times Online (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article6990013.ece)

Wow, a fudge packer figured out that he can't get pregnant by having a penis in his mouth and now likes girls?

Of course to Wilbur, it's just another day at the office.

CueSi
01-22-2010, 05:49 AM
I've met, and even casually dated genuinely...erm, heteroflexible and bisexual men. They exist and are part of human sexuality. As to whatever values you ascribe to it - - it's the same old white noise until you wake up and are in these shoes. And it'll be fun to add new quotes to my signature. :D

Maybe it was more than baby hunger that kicked this dude's straight side off. Some guys go back to women for reasons of sexual safety - -the risks are lower and after a close call, the straight route is the safe one. Some simply prefer women - and may still sneak off to see men on occasion - they're the 'down low brothers' that black (and other women) gossip about. Others simply have been this way all along and never known it till they simply fall in love with a person that completes them and makes them happy as hell - - lucky them, happens to be of the opposite gender.

But at the end of the day, the fact remains - for some people -sexual behavior is not fixed in either gender. And that should give people like bisexuals, ex-gays, or 'regretrosexuals' solace. . . they DO exist, whether created by nature, willing religious conversion, power of love or inadvertent mental realignment.

Now, the ball is in the court of the gay community. . . are they going to continue to deny these people their existence and dignity and become the judgmental jackasses that they decry, or will they show TRUE tolerance?

~QC

linda22003
01-22-2010, 08:05 AM
I've met, and even casually dated genuinely...erm, heteroflexible and bisexual men.

Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p

RobJohnson
01-22-2010, 08:10 AM
Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p

Whoa! Slow down!!!!

It's way to early for such a visual.

noonwitch
01-22-2010, 09:20 AM
Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p



Are you sure you weren't in a sorority?

linda22003
01-22-2010, 12:12 PM
Are you sure you weren't in a sorority?

Nope. I was a free agent.

Speedy
01-22-2010, 12:49 PM
I have always felt that homosexuality was in the wiring. It is in the wiring but they don't have to act on it. I have a preference for Black women. When I go anywhere that there is a multi-racial group of women, my eye is always drawn to the nubian ones. I may not take one home or even hit on one, but that is what I am attracted to the most. I will chase any woman but would jump through more hoops to bed a black woman than I would any other.

That is what I feel homosexuals are like. They are predisposed to their own sex, but they do not have to act on it.

RobJohnson
01-22-2010, 03:03 PM
That is what I feel homosexuals are like. They are predisposed to their own sex, but they do not have to act on it.

That might be true.

I would like to marry a rich old lady with a terminal illness but I never act on it. :)

CueSi
01-22-2010, 03:33 PM
Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p

It is a appropriate word. . . it hasn't been accepted formally yet, but give it 10 years.

~QC

Rockntractor
01-22-2010, 05:14 PM
Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p
The eyes of my imagination are forever scarred!:eek:
http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv230/upyourstruly/celebrity-pictures-marty-feldman-se.jpg?t=1264198471

Full-Auto
01-22-2010, 05:40 PM
That guy is going to screw some kid up, royal.

CueSi
01-22-2010, 06:01 PM
Straight people do the same, whatcherpoint?

If someone is a competent parent, I don't care what their orientation is. And we have way too few of those.

~QC

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:49 PM
I don't know how it works for anyone else, but my sexuality is fixed and as far as I'm aware, innate. I didn't one day "decide" to be interested in guys; it just happened that way. I couldn't legitimately "decide" I was suddenly sexually attracted to women. I could certainly go through the motions with them, but I wouldn't be sincerely in love with them.

He wants a baby, and he realizes the easiest way to get one is to go through the traditional route. Reality is Linda - Sexual attraction is as much a product of experience as it is of choice or genetics. I used to like big boobs til I experience a pair where the nipples pointed at the floor when she took off her bra. Now I prefer the small perky kind. :)

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:52 PM
It depends what you mean by "abnormal". If you simply mean a deviation from the standard case (ie, not typical), then sure. If you're using it in some value laden way, well thats total horse***t.

It's abnormal in both senses.

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:53 PM
So get packing!:DWow that's subtle . . . NOT :p

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:56 PM
I've met, and even casually dated genuinely...erm, heteroflexible and bisexual men. They exist and are part of human sexuality. As to whatever values you ascribe to it - - it's the same old white noise until you wake up and are in these shoes. And it'll be fun to add new quotes to my signature. :D

Maybe it was more than baby hunger that kicked this dude's straight side off. Some guys go back to women for reasons of sexual safety - -the risks are lower and after a close call, the straight route is the safe one. Some simply prefer women - and may still sneak off to see men on occasion - they're the 'down low brothers' that black (and other women) gossip about. Others simply have been this way all along and never known it till they simply fall in love with a person that completes them and makes them happy as hell - - lucky them, happens to be of the opposite gender.

But at the end of the day, the fact remains - for some people -sexual behavior is not fixed in either gender. And that should give people like bisexuals, ex-gays, or 'regretrosexuals' solace. . . they DO exist, whether created by nature, willing religious conversion, power of love or inadvertent mental realignment.

Now, the ball is in the court of the gay community. . . are they going to continue to deny these people their existence and dignity and become the judgmental jackasses that they decry, or will they show TRUE tolerance?

~QCwell said. Perhaps we've dated . . . ;)

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:56 PM
Heteroflexible... what a great word. It makes me think of the days when I could still put my ankles behind my ears. :p

This post is useless without pictures . . . . :D

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 09:59 PM
That might be true.

I would like to marry a rich old lady with a terminal illness but I never act on it. :)

academically I can appreciate the idea. But when it comes to implementation - I go limp when I see wrinkles . . . :(

Rockntractor
01-22-2010, 10:00 PM
This post is useless without pictures . . . . :D

No poli! Just no!:eek::mad:

PoliCon
01-22-2010, 10:02 PM
No poli! Just no!:eek::mad:

THEN picture dude! THEN pictures. After all - who doesn't appreciate a hot young shiksa?