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View Full Version : I am livid with what my ex is trying to do



Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:02 PM
Since there is no whiny zone yet, I will post this here.

I am a single father of a 14 yo boy. I let my son go back to Minnesota to visit his mom and the rest of his extended family there. He was supposed to return, no later than Aug. 1st (tommorrow).I have sole legal and physical custody, adjudicated in Nov. 2005 by the Dakota County Court.

I just recieved a letter from his mom informing me that she is filing for a change of custody due to emotional and physical abuse. Although no abuse ever took place.

I need input from some of you on this very serious matter. My plans are to inform the FBI on monday that a parental abduction has occured.

I do not have any extra money for an extended fight in the courts with someone who has free legal help.

What else should I do, or not do?

Thanks,
Teetop

P.S. If I don't answer you immediately, I will check back tommorrow on what advice was given.

Shannon
07-31-2008, 04:08 PM
I am not a lawyer. Hopefully Philly will come along shortly. I have dealt with a situation similar to this though. My friend's ex took off with their kid to a different state. He had to contact the authorities in that state then fly up there and get some kind of court order. This was all done without the mother of the child knowing. The cops showed up where the mom was staying and returned the child to the father. I wish you the best of luck.

linda22003
07-31-2008, 04:10 PM
I think your advice should come from an attorney, not strangers on a message board.

Zeus
07-31-2008, 04:11 PM
Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act

If a party (such as your ex-spouse) refuses to return your child, you may seek relief under the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA). Contact the local law enforcement authorities and request they assist in the return of the child. If they refuse, insist that they enforce the PKPA Statute. Local law enforcement is bound by law to enforce the PKPA, and it is NOT up to them to selectively enforce it OR to decide the merits of any specific case or situation where the PKPA is applicable.

Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pkpa.php)
28 USC Sec. 1738A (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pkpa.php)

Shannon
07-31-2008, 04:12 PM
I think your advice should come from an attorney, not strangers on a message board.

Philly, Ginger and SLW have never been wrong when they give me advice.:D

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:13 PM
I think your advice should come from an attorney, not strangers on a message board.

True, but am I wrong to inform the FBI of a what is going on? I don't. It was agreed that he would be returned Aug 1st.

I don't have money for an attorney, much less living in a small town as I do, I wouldn't trust the advice these morons gave me. Believe me, the attorneys here are very limited in what they do. I live in a town of about 2,300.

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:16 PM
Thanks, Zeus. Very helpful and informative.

Zeus
07-31-2008, 04:24 PM
Treetop it would behoove you to have a talk with an attorney beforehand. Then you know where & how you can deal from power and not get wrapped up in a legal pissin contest.

FWIW. Your ex may be feeling emboldened because she has the help of family & friends. The family and friends may decide not to be so "helpful" once they are informed their asses are on the line also.

noonwitch
07-31-2008, 04:27 PM
Because it is an interstate matter, it should involve the FBI, so your instinct in that sense is correct. I would still start with the local police, and file a missing person's report when the kid doesn't return at the scheduled time. It will help your case.


Here's the sticky point-have you been contacted at all by Minnesota's child protection system? If your ex called it in, you would be hearing from them or from your local police. If not, she's just blowing smoke and trying to back you off, and subvert a custody order.
PS referral sources are confidential, but who else would be making a PS referral in MN? If you hear from anyone regarding those allegations, I would assume she made the referral. I don't know your kid-is he easy to yank around, in a mental or emotional sense? Is his mom one of those "pity me" kinds of people, who can prey on his sympathies and normal desire for a better relationship with his mother? Could she get him to lie to authorities to make you look bad-even if he doesn't want to, could that happen out of his desire to please his mom, or because she promised him a new bike or something if he comes to live with her?

As you know, courts/CPS favor mothers, usually. Obviously, his mother has issues or you would not have obtained full custody of the kid. I'm sure that the court documented this to some degree on your custody order. The FBI listen to what CPS says in these matters, for the most part. If you have all your court paperwork together for the police or FBI, I think they will listen to what you have to say.

I'm not a lawyer, and I would wait for one to ring in here with further advice before acting, but I have seen this kind of thing happen before, with mothers using the kids to push the dads around.

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:28 PM
Treetop it would behoove you to have a talk with an attorney beforehand. Then you know where & how you can deal from power and not get wrapped up in a legal pissin contest.

FWIW. Your ex may be feeling emboldened because she has the help of family & friends. The family and friends may decide not to be so "helpful" once they are informed their asses are on the line also.

Believe me, it's not family and friends helping her. It's freebies from the state of Minnesota. I believe she is trying to pull an "end around" Dakota County Court. Any further change of custody goes before the Dakota County Court.

Maybe I should get back in touch with the CPS official who accompanied my son here?

LibraryLady
07-31-2008, 04:31 PM
Dakota County

Family Law Self-Help program staffed by volunteer attorneys.
(651) 438-8102 to schedule an appointment.

Resource Center for Fathers and Families

* Provides family law seminars at low cost or free at several locations in the Twin Cities,
763-783-4938 for more information

Chrysalis Legal Assistance for Women

* Provides legal information sessions, law clinics and lawyer referrals, serving women of all income levels,
612-871-0118 for more information.


http://www.cffpp.org/legal/minnesota_en.html#legal1

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:36 PM
Because it is an interstate matter, it should involve the FBI, so your instinct in that sense is correct. I would still start with the local police, and file a missing person's report when the kid doesn't return at the scheduled time. It will help your case.


Here's the sticky point-have you been contacted at all by Minnesota's child protection system? If your ex called it in, you would be hearing from them or from your local police. If not, she's just blowing smoke and trying to back you off, and subvert a custody order.
PS referral sources are confidential, but who else would be making a PS referral in MN? If you hear from anyone regarding those allegations, I would assume she made the referral. I don't know your kid-is he easy to yank around, in a mental or emotional sense? Is his mom one of those "pity me" kinds of people, who can prey on his sympathies and normal desire for a better relationship with his mother? Could she get him to lie to authorities to make you look bad-even if he doesn't want to, could that happen out of his desire to please his mom, or because she promised him a new bike or something if he comes to live with her?

As you know, courts/CPS favor mothers, usually. Obviously, his mother has issues or you would not have obtained full custody of the kid. I'm sure that the court documented this to some degree on your custody order. The FBI listen to what CPS says in these matters, for the most part. If you have all your court paperwork together for the police or FBI, I think they will listen to what you have to say.

I'm not a lawyer, and I would wait for one to ring in here with further advice before acting, but I have seen this kind of thing happen before, with mothers using the kids to push the dads around.

You seem to hae met my son already! LOL He is a follower not a leader. His mom has filled his head full of crap. I talked to her mom a little while ago and she informed me that my ex has him on friggin Prozac. Shit! He only went up there the first of June. I knew she would try something and I told everyone involved, if she did try something it would be the last time he would be going to visit. By the Court order, I didn't even have to let him go this time. Next time, she will need a court order for visitation. I just wanted for him to visit his extended relatives and come back home, but the psycho bitch from hell always has a game to be played.

Yes, his mother has many issues in the pastMeth, teaching her kids to steal, etc., etc....

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:38 PM
Thanks Library Lady. I owe ya. :)

Molon Labe
07-31-2008, 04:39 PM
a very similar circumstance happened to me 13 years ago. I know you say money is a problem but outside of advisement by a lawyer, I don't really know what to tell you.
I'm not sure the statute in your state that apply...

Did the child choose this? He's 14 ..... that's usually close to the age of consent in domestic custody issues. In my experience...the child may be hiding what he wants from one parent. If he's playing a role in this that you're unaware of, the authorities sometimes will not remove the child and leave it up to the courts. The courts usually side with the childs preference.
I may be wrong but I'm not sure it's an FBI issue.

lurkalot
07-31-2008, 04:43 PM
During my divorce I was informed that any custody disputes had to be settled by the judge in the county of the child's residence. This was made into law to prevent exactly this sort of thing happening.
You will also need a lawyer to rewrite the custody settlement when he returns to supervised visitation in YOUR town and with an appropriate notification (I got six weeks).
See an attorney, trust me, its cheaper in the long run.

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:44 PM
a very similar circumstance happened to me 13 years ago. I know you say money is a problem but outside of advisement by a lawyer, I don't really know what to tell you.
I'm not sure the statute in your state that apply...

Did the child choose this? He's 14 ..... that's usually close to the age of consent in domestic custody issues. In my experience...the child may be hiding what he wants from one parent. If he's playing a role in this that you're unaware of the authorities sometimes will not remove the child and leave it up to the courts regardless what the paper says. The courts usually side with the childs preference.
I may be wrong but I'm not sure it's an FBI issue.

She agreed to the change of custody, otherwise her parental rights would have been stripped from her. She has very few rights as the court papers state.

He wouldn't have a say in the matter. She has been proven to be unfit. Her sister has her 8yo daughter.

LibraryLady
07-31-2008, 04:46 PM
A NOTE ABOUT PARENTAL ABDUCTION:

If an estranged or former spouse or domestic partner abducts your child/ren, CALL THE POLICE! Tell them that you believe s/he is in violation of Minnesota state statute 609.26 (most states have a similar statute parental kidnapping is a felony in all 50 states!) Many law enforcement officers are unfamiliar with this law so don't be reluctant to mention it to them. Under Minnesota law, it is a crime for a parent to take a child, even is s/he has joint custody, or if custody has not yet been determined.

http://www.missingchildrenmn.org/whattodo.cfm

I know nothing about this. I am just looking for resources. I wish you all the best.

Talk to your son as soon as possible.

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:46 PM
During my divorce I was informed that any custody disputes had to be settled by the judge in the county of the child's residence. This was made into law to prevent exactly this sort of thing happening.
You will also need a lawyer to rewrite the custody settlement when he returns to supervised visitation in YOUR town and with an appropriate notification (I got six weeks).
See an attorney, trust me, its cheaper in the long run.

Thanks, I appreciate your input.

Thanks everyone. Time to get busy copying papers and getting them ready for the FBI. I will inform my local police today, then call the FBI monday. I will be back online tommorrow afternoon.

Thanks again, I really appreciate all of your input.

Teetop
07-31-2008, 04:48 PM
http://www.missingchildrenmn.org/whattodo.cfm

I know nothing about this. I am just looking for resources. I wish you all the best.

Talk to your son as soon as possible.

I have tried to talk to him the last week, but she won't answer the damn phone!

Thanks all, until tomorrow...

Gingersnap
07-31-2008, 04:50 PM
I think your advice should come from an attorney, not strangers on a message board.

It looks like he got some pretty handy advice to me. ;)

Molon Labe
07-31-2008, 04:55 PM
She agreed to the change of custody, otherwise her parental rights would have been stripped from her. She has very few rights as the court papers state.

He wouldn't have a say in the matter. She has been proven to be unfit. Her sister has her 8yo daughter.


Unfit parent...
I'm no expert...but she sounds like she is in deep then. Did she have a breakdown?

No worries...This should all work out....I'll just listen to what everyone else's advice is to you.
Good luck.

Kimberly
08-01-2008, 01:51 AM
How awful for you! I don't have anything useful to add, but I hope you get your son back immediately. Good luck and hopefully the advice here will get the authorities to act quickly.

noonwitch
08-01-2008, 08:53 AM
You seem to hae met my son already! LOL He is a follower not a leader. His mom has filled his head full of crap. I talked to her mom a little while ago and she informed me that my ex has him on friggin Prozac. Shit! He only went up there the first of June. I knew she would try something and I told everyone involved, if she did try something it would be the last time he would be going to visit. By the Court order, I didn't even have to let him go this time. Next time, she will need a court order for visitation. I just wanted for him to visit his extended relatives and come back home, but the psycho bitch from hell always has a game to be played.

Yes, his mother has many issues in the pastMeth, teaching her kids to steal, etc., etc....


She had a doctor put him on Prozac? If he did have any ability to resist her, that would wipe it out. Prozac is a miracle drug for adults with serious depressive disorders, but it will wipe out a teenager who has no mental health issues. Take him to the doctor as soon as he gets back, just to make sure there won't be any problems when you discontinue the meds.

I don't know your son, but I've been working with kids for a long time, and I know how badly kids want to please a mother, no matter how worthless she may be. And I've seen parents who use the kid to get even with an ex.

It sounds like her family is on your side, that's good. You can always get the court to order than any summer/holiday visits occur at the grandparents' home, under their supervision-that he can't leave their home with her.

Teetop
08-01-2008, 02:38 PM
Thank you so much, everyone. For your input, comments and information.

I meet with the Sheriff this afternoon. Get him to copy all court documents and her letter to me. Monday I will inform the FBI and get the ball rolling on the Federal level.

This is her last game to be played with me. I don't care if she rots in prison. She will end up there sooner or later anyways.

Thanks again! And pray for my son, and all the little tikes who needs God's help, I do.

LibraryLady
08-01-2008, 07:15 PM
Bumped for others who may have missed this.
Have you spoken to any of her family? Maybe the threat of not seeing your son again would help to get them to work with you.

Best of luck, I hope your son comes through this relatively unscathed. I was fortunate (I guess) my daughter wants nothing to do with her other parent. And he feels the same way.:(

lurkalot
08-02-2008, 12:14 AM
Bumped for others who may have missed this.
Have you spoken to any of her family? Maybe the threat of not seeing your son again would help to get them to work with you.

Best of luck, I hope your son comes through this relatively unscathed. I was fortunate (I guess) my daughter wants nothing to do with her other parent. And he feels the same way.:(

as painful as that is LL, I too feel fortunate that is my case as well...it could be much worse

Shannon
08-02-2008, 12:22 AM
as painful as that is LL, I too feel fortunate that is my case as well...it could be much worse

We're threadjacking now. Sorry.

I am so grateful that my "situation" is what it is when it comes to Tristan. The shit I went through to make sure he stayed with me... I feel sick just thinking about it. One of the reasons that I decided to never have another child was because I didn't ever want to give somebody that kind of power over me again.

Goldwater
08-02-2008, 07:35 AM
I am so grateful that my "situation" is what it is when it comes to Tristan. The shit I went through to make sure he stayed with me... I feel sick just thinking about it. One of the reasons that I decided to never have another child was because I didn't ever want to give somebody that kind of power over me again.

Just imagine if you were the father, your fight would've been twice as hard. In some parts of the world the mother can just say "no he's not seeing my child" and thats it, the father is basically blocked off for life. Happy everything is being resolved Tee. :)

CLibertarian
08-02-2008, 10:23 AM
Believe me, it's not family and friends helping her. It's freebies from the state of Minnesota. I believe she is trying to pull an "end around" Dakota County Court. Any further change of custody goes before the Dakota County Court.

Maybe I should get back in touch with the CPS official who accompanied my son here?

Do not enter into any agreements with CP$. You will end up cooperating the custody of your son away. They will use any compromize on your part as an admission of guilt and explain it to the family court judge in that manner regardles of what they tell you beforehand. Their ultlimate incentive is to have access to funding for their new client (your son). All else revolves around that. I think that the advice that Zeus and Noonwitch have given are sound. If your local CPS was involved in determining your origical custody (i.e. the mother wasn't as fit of a parent as you), that would be powerful documentation for the family courts. Sell something and hire a good family court lawqyer that specializes in false accusations of child abuse.

There should be an advocacy group in your state that could help you find such legal help. Regardless of the truth, when the mother drops the abuse-excuse, you have to become a pit bull.

The Abuse Excuse site (http://www.abuse-excuse.com/) may have some resources or you. Search for a chapter of VOCAL (Victims Of Child Abuse Laws) in your state or in one that is fairly close.

On Edit:

I read some of the later posts, it looks like you are on the right track. However, I stress the pitbull factor even more. The CP$ of her state may step in and put a monkey wrench into the entire process regardless of what has been determined in the past. They want the rewards for more "clients" too.

Good Tips from the link above. (http://www.abuse-excuse.com/ae_tips.html)

biccat
08-02-2008, 10:26 PM
Have you tried contacting law firms in your state and seeing about whether you can enter into a payment agreement? Or try public assistance? If you know any lawyers personally they may be able to recommend someone who performs pro bono work.

I know that lawyers are expensive, but they are certainly worth it. There may be certain filings which are required to enforce your judgement, where an attorney will help. You may need to register your judgment in Minnesota, something you could do on your own, but if it requires a court appearance, then you would need to take time off of work.

In addition to contacting your local sheriff and the FBI, call the sheriff of her home county as well and tell him what is going on. They would be in a better position to inform you of what steps you would need to take in order to enforce your judgment.

Furthermore, if she put him on Prozac, then that is illegal as well. With sole custody, you and only you have the authority to authorize prescriptions for your child. So make sure to raise that issue with the local authorities as well.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask.

edit: after reading through CL's post, definitely do not agree to jurisdiction in Minnesota. She might file suit for custody and CPS (or some other agency) might tell you that you would get the case quickly decided by settling in Minnesota. Assuming your state has (and I'm fairly certain all 50 states do) a URESA law, then your state is the proper state for any custody disputes. Do not agree to jurisdiction that requires you to leave the state.

OwlMBA
08-03-2008, 04:13 AM
What else should I do, or not do?


Well, I would start by NOT POSTING THIS STUFF ONLINE

SaintLouieWoman
08-03-2008, 12:32 PM
Philly, Ginger and SLW have never been wrong when they give me advice.:D

Thank you. I think we should get a little stand like Lucy had in Charlie Brown, advice five cents. :D

Always glad to help.

BTW, when my sons were young, the ex kidnapped them. They were gone for a week. I was told by the police that nothing could be done, although I had sole custody. Now, there would have been an amber alert out for them. I'm glad conditions have improved and there is more protection under the law.

Teetop, hope you can get some advice. Perhaps you can contact someone in your state for advice on how to handle this. Best of luck, I've been in your shoes before and it's not pleasant.

CLibertarian
08-03-2008, 05:10 PM
Well, I would start by NOT POSTING THIS STUFF ONLINE

To some degree, you are correct. Caseworkers have been known to lurk and use such things against people. However, he needed a starting place for some info that would point him in the right direction.

OwlMBA
08-03-2008, 05:13 PM
To some degree, you are correct. Caseworkers have been known to lurk and use such things against people. However, he needed a starting place for some info that would point him in the right direction.

Even so, I would never post that much detail online like that.

CLibertarian
08-04-2008, 07:09 PM
Even so, I would never post that much detail online like that.

That is the safest way.