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Rebel Yell
03-29-2010, 11:50 AM
Sunny and warm blah blah blah. It's South Ga.

TOTD: Just keeping it simple and cheery. A friend of my wife's was put on bedrest Thursday. She's 9 months pregnant and was having some swelling. The Doctor checked the baby and everything was fine. She goes home from work (she works with my wife) around 12 and she's fine, they're going to induce labor next week (which is now this week). Friday morning she calls the bank. She lost the baby during the night. So, we've had alot going on this weekend. Seeing a little bitty baby casket is a very depressing sight.


Just tell the worst jokes you know to lighten the mood a little.



What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

FlaGator
03-29-2010, 12:07 PM
Beautiful day here in north Florida.

TOTD:
What is green and red and goes 200 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you get when you add milk.
Frognog.

linda22003
03-29-2010, 12:10 PM
Rebel Yell : That's horrible, and sad.

FlaGator: That's also horrible, and sad.

linda22003
03-29-2010, 12:11 PM
Thanks for changing it.

Rebel Yell
03-29-2010, 12:13 PM
Rebel Yell : That's horrible, and sad.

FlaGator: That's also horrible, and sad.

Yeah, I can't imagine what they're going through. I hope I never know.

FlaGator
03-29-2010, 12:19 PM
Thanks for changing it.

Frognog is more my style... he did say bad jokes and that was one of the worse that I could think of. Then I realized that he meant bad in the traditional way so I changed it.

aerojarod
03-29-2010, 02:30 PM
Q: What's Brown and sticky?
A: A stick.



Q: What's red and looks like a bucket.
A: A red bucket.

GROOOOOAAAAAAAN.

FlaGator
03-29-2010, 02:53 PM
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was f**king dead.
Andrew Dice Clay

lacarnut
03-29-2010, 04:04 PM
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was f**king dead.
Andrew Dice Clay

Another Dice Fan.:D He could piss off feminazis to not end .

Troll
03-29-2010, 09:28 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn1-M5Ze0p8

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 09:31 PM
What's Irish and sits outside your house?

Pati O' Furniture. :D

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 09:36 PM
What's Irish and sits outside your house?

Pati O' Furniture. :D:mad:

Troll
03-29-2010, 09:37 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAC3rpuhrPY

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 09:41 PM
:mad:

My uncle wanted an elephant tusk so he went to Africa and found an elephant. He ran it down, grabbed the tusk and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled but he couldn't get the tusk to come out so he went to Alabama because he heart that in Alabama .........



.......the Tuscaloosa.

Big Guy
03-29-2010, 09:43 PM
An IRS agent goes to a farm to do an audit.

He tells the Farmer that he has the authority to take a complete inventory of the entire farm.

The farmer told him "You can go anywhere you want" just stay out of that pasture over there pointing to an apparently empty pasture.

The IRS Agent said with an attitude "You see this badge, this badge gives me the authority to go wherever I want" "This badge demands respect from all" then he stormed off the the pasture the farmer was pointing out.

About 30 seconds later the IRS Agent was running around the pasture with a huge pissed off Bull giving chase, yelling "HELP, HELP"

The farmer yells back "Quick show him your badge"

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 09:44 PM
My uncle wanted an elephant tusk so he went to Africa and found an elephant. He ran it down, grabbed the tusk and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled but he couldn't get the tusk to come out so he went to Alabama because he heart that in Alabama .........



.......the Tuscaloosa.

:confused:

patriot45
03-29-2010, 10:02 PM
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"

Big Guy
03-29-2010, 10:06 PM
How many Corrections Officers does it take to throw and inmate down a flight of stairs?




None............He fell. :D

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:11 PM
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"

:D

FlaGator
03-29-2010, 10:18 PM
Another Dice Fan.:D He could piss off feminazis to not end .

The Diceman could alway crack me up. The joke from from an old movie in which it had a bit part. The movie was called Night Patrol and starred The Unknown Comic, Pat Paulson, Linda Blair, J.P. Morgan and Billy Barty.

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:27 PM
:confused:

Tuscaloosa....Alabama....Tuskaloosa.....

It's classic Groucho....

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:29 PM
Tuscaloosa....Alabama....Tuskaloosa.....

It's classic Groucho....

Oh, okay, he is the good Marx!

FlaGator
03-29-2010, 10:31 PM
Tuscaloosa....Alabama....Tuskaloosa.....

It's classic Groucho....

In African ivory is rare, but in Alabama the Tuskaloosa
-- from a Unix Fortune file

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:31 PM
My uncle wanted an elephant tusk so he went to Africa and found an elephant. He ran it down, grabbed the tusk and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled but he couldn't get the tusk to come out so he went to Alabama because he heart that in Alabama .........



.......the Tuscaloosa.

Oh now I get it! I got hung up on the heart. you meant heard!

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:33 PM
Oh now I get it! I got hung up on the heart. you meant heard!

Oops. type-o. He heard in Alabama the ...etc. etc....:o

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:34 PM
Oh, okay, he is the good Marx!

Capitalism is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard......(the bad marx)

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:36 PM
A three legged hog goes into a bar and says I'm looking for the man who shot my paw....oh, wait....um.....can I start over....

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:36 PM
Capitalism is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard......(the bad marx)

Is there a bad Moe and a bad Curly too?:confused:

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:38 PM
A three legged hog goes into a bar and says I'm looking for the man who shot my paw....oh, wait....um.....can I start over....
Naw, you don't hooftah!

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:38 PM
Is there a bad Moe and a bad Curly too?:confused:

No. Bad Shemp.

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:40 PM
Naw, you don't hooftah!

....a hog that heroic, you don't eat all at once......

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:41 PM
....a hog that heroic, you don't eat all at once......
I ham what I am!

Bubba Dawg
03-29-2010, 10:42 PM
I ham what I am!

You Da Man, Rock. :D

patriot45
03-29-2010, 10:51 PM
I ham what I am!

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door (which is just outside Guadalajara).

As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree"

.
.
.
."ees... a....
Ham bush"

Kay
03-29-2010, 10:53 PM
Knock Knock......

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 10:57 PM
Knock Knock......

Hoose there.

Kay
03-29-2010, 11:00 PM
banana

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:03 PM
banana

Bunnanah hooo.

Kay
03-29-2010, 11:05 PM
Banana KNOCK KNOCK.....

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:06 PM
Banana KNOCK KNOCK.....

Boooooooooooooo!

patriot45
03-29-2010, 11:08 PM
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Kay
03-29-2010, 11:10 PM
You have to say who's there again.....:rolleyes:

patriot45
03-29-2010, 11:11 PM
You have to say who's there again.....:rolleyes:

Orange!

:D

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:15 PM
You have to say who's there again.....:rolleyes:

who's there again

Kay
03-29-2010, 11:16 PM
http://gailbhyatt.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/pouting-little-girl-istock_000006840535xsmall5.jpg

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:17 PM
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

I told my wife but she didn't get it.

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:17 PM
http://gailbhyatt.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/pouting-little-girl-istock_000006840535xsmall5.jpg

Oh that's so sad!:(

patriot45
03-29-2010, 11:18 PM
http://gailbhyatt.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/pouting-little-girl-istock_000006840535xsmall5.jpg

Hey! Poli don't like his pic posted! He has stalkers!

patriot45
03-29-2010, 11:18 PM
I told my wife but she didn't get it.

Is she blond!!! :D

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:20 PM
Hey! Poli don't like his pic posted! He has stalkers!
I thought his/her head was more pointy.

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:20 PM
Is she blond!!! :D

Yeah!:D

patriot45
03-29-2010, 11:21 PM
Well in that case!


Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

Rockntractor
03-29-2010, 11:24 PM
Well in that case!


Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
She said well duh!

Kay
03-29-2010, 11:38 PM
What do you call a video of pedestrians?

Footage.

Sonnabend
03-30-2010, 07:54 AM
How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?
You pull down it's genes :D

Why do lawyers wear such big ties?
So the foreskin doesnt creep up over their faces

Why did the woman keep her back to the wall after she married a 90 year old man?
So she could see if old age was creeping up on her.