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Sonnabend
04-02-2010, 07:41 PM
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree - and think 25 to life would be appropriate. - Jay Leno

America needs Obama-Care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. - Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. Conan O'Brian

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser. - Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A. America. - Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers. - Jimmy Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. - David Letterman

Q. During Obama's Presidency what is the difference between Democrats and Republicans?
A. Democrats will be on federal pay-rolls and Republicans will be on tax-rolls.

President Obama will make it a lot easier for most people to do their income taxes this year. No jobs, no income.
Obama is streamlining next year's tax form:
line 1: How much money did you make? __________
line 2: How much money do you have in all bank accounts? __________
line 3: Total Tax Due: (add lines 1 and 2) __________

Things have gotten so bad Obama is changing his slogan to "Hope and Spare Change!"

Things have gotten so bad Kenya now claims he wasn't born there.

Things have gotten so bad Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico.

Things have gotten so bad the Chicago mob is laying off judges.

Things have gotten so bad they now ask at the burger counter, "Can you afford fries with that?"

Things have gotten so bad the CEO of Wal-Mart was seen shopping at Wal-Mart.

Things have gotten so bad even people who aren't in Obama's Cabinet have stopped paying taxes.

Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.
Obama has recently changed America's national bird: His middle finger.

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why did Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.

Q. What's the difference between Obama and Osama?
A. OK - I give up.

Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor." - Jay Leno

Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence..

Then Obama said into the microphone, “Children, uh, every time I, uh, clap my hands together, a, uh, child in America dies from, uh, gun violence.” Little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said, ” Well, dummy, stop clapping!”

Bubba Dawg
04-02-2010, 08:25 PM
When Ronald Reagan was president, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash were still with us.

Now Obama is president, and there's no Hope, and no Cash.