The devil sits upon an idle horse:

[Megaguns91]

My friend introduced me to a new boredom site: http://textsfromlastnight.com

Post your favorites:



(847):

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

[Gingersnap]

...his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy...

This site is awesome! :D

[Gingersnap]

...maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...

Words to live by.

[linda22003]

"(815):
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago."

It's very, very excellent.

[linda22003]

"(715):
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel."

Who can resist a good literary allusion?

[Megaguns91]

(850):

Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850):

I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife


Ingenious.

[Gingersnap]

(303):
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

(1-303):
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.


(303):
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

(303):
Oh and I threw up on myself...


(303):
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.

This is like crack in text-format.

[Megaguns91]

(618):

The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass


Work - undone
Not bored? check.

[linda22003]

"They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court."

Hey! I found a text from Shannon!
I'm on page 10 of 1139. This could take awhile.

[Gingersnap]

(303):
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

(720):
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

LMAO!

[Gingersnap]

(303):
It smells like weed.

(720):
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

OMG! I've actually had this conversation!

[Articulate_Ape]

(519):

mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing



HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Megaguns91]

(970):

I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

I've done this one. :o

[Gingersnap]

(270):
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

(1-270):
You should've just screamed yes we can!

Tough call between the Lounge and Political News with this one.

[FlaGator]

Chris seems cool, but I'm not so sure about Joe



(314):

I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
(1-314):

Joe or Chris?
(314):

do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
(1-314):

well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

[Gingersnap]

(780):
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

Who hasn't done a little opportunistic self-stabbing to avoid a potentially awkward moment? :confused:

[MountainMan]

(817):

you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.

:eek:

[MountainMan]

(708):

its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something :p

[Gingersnap]

(989):
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

I'm sooooo glad I graduated from college before pic phones.

[NJCardFan]

(613):

ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can relate. The worst thing that ever happened to me was being drunk in Atlantic City and roaming casino floors.


(303):

I don't know where my bra went.
(1-303):

Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

Damn.

Chalk this one up to the creepy department:

(315):
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.


(541):

I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up
:eek:

And finally, we go to the annual Ass Kicking Contest...

(702):

If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???

[noonwitch]

OMG! I've actually had this conversation!


That's what my dad says about Key West.

[Gingersnap]

That's what my dad says about Key West.

My personal feeling is that there simply aren't any asthmatics in Boulder. There is just no way they could survive a simple walk down the mall.

[linda22003]

"(509):
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made."

[linda22003]

" (281):
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve."

I love, love this site.

[linda22003]

"Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort."

[Gingersnap]

(908):
how was last night?

(1-908):
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

:p

[linda22003]

"(410):
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

(301):
I accept this challenge."

The WINNER!

[Megaguns91]

try looking up texts from your area code. They're oddly hilarious.

[Apache]

(423): View more from Tennessee
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.



I knew that was a bad move....:(:p

[Gingersnap]

I knew that was a bad move....:(:p

When we say "it's a monster", we usually don't mean a childlike, cartoon ogre character. Usually.

[Apache]

When we say "it's a monster", we usually don't mean a childlike, cartoon ogre character. Usually.

The HELL you say.....:eek:

[MountainMan]

(253):

don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.

Stuff from the zip code I am in.......No wonder our fire departments get so many calls...

[MountainMan]

(253):

oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
(1-253):

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. :cool:

[MountainMan]

(253):

The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls Sort of like having a built in whirlpool... :o

[MountainMan]

(253):

she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't Memories....... :D

[Sonnabend]

509):

The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.


...ookay.....:eek:

[Sonnabend]

(203):

Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

:D:D

It's gonna be one of THOSE weekends....

[Gingersnap]

(1-253):

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

At the rate IVF technology progressing, this may be your only hope.