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Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 04:45 PM
Are you REALLY worth it? Designer bags, luxury holidays even affairs - how celebrity culture is dangerously deluding women into think they deserve to have everything
By Flic Everett
Last updated at 8:29 AM on 14th June 2010

Comments (129) Add to My Stories

Every time Cheryl Cole throws back her shining mane and twinkles, ' Because we're worth it,' a generation of women nod along in agreement. Cheryl has just been voted our Woman Of The year, by Glamour Magazine. Not only is she Tv gold, she's had a number one hit, she's in the most successful girl band ever, and she's probably the most eligible single woman in Britain.

So perhaps it's no wonder that we're willing to believe whatever she tells us.
Cheryl may be talking about shampoo - but for many of us those four little words go a whole lot deeper.

Brought up in an age where self-help mantras have replaced old-fashioned concepts such as duty or self- sacrifice, and where, according to Oprah Winfrey, lack of self-esteem is 'the root of all the problems in the world,' it's no wonder we now believe we deserve the very best from life.

Once, the pinnacles of achievement were a good job or a happy home life. Now, we're encouraged to believe we're entitled to everything we want, the moment we crave it, 'because we're worth it.'

Want a 300 designer bag you can't afford? Go on - you deserve it. Or that New york mini-break with the girls? Treat yourself - you're fabulous.

Married women even admit to indulging in affairs, simply because: 'I wasn't getting what I needed at home.' Perhaps once, they'd have stuck it out, or sought counselling - but now, a 'cougar' affair between an older woman and a hot younger man is simply their reward for staying married to the old dullard.

Surrounded by images of celebrities from ordinary backgrounds who have 'made it', we're increasingly convinced that we're no different from them. We may not be hosting the breakfast news or singing to a packed O2 arena - but we work just as hard as they do, we tell ourselves, and we're just as talented.

It's easy to assume that 'good self-esteem' is the passport to a happy, successful life. But compelling research proves quite the reverse.

A major study from the London School of Economics found that excessively high self-esteem can be even more damaging than low self-worth. Social psychologist Professor Nicholas Emler found that people with high self-esteem are more likely to hold racist attitudes, reject advice from friends and take risks such as drink-driving, as they believe they won't be caught.

'It's worth remembering that high self-esteem is very far from being an unconditional benefit,' warns Professor Emler.

'Our language contains many unflattering words to describe people with high self-esteem, such as "boastful", "arrogant", "smug", "self-satisfied" and "conceited".

'Perhaps we should be more willing to accept that very high self-esteem is as much a problem in need of treatment as exceptionally low self-esteem and be more open-minded about the benefits of moderation.'
Yet culturally, we're constantly encouraged to assume that, as the song says, 'If I can dream it, I can be it'. Once, a truthful friend might have pointed out that it's called 'a dream' for a reason. But now, simply 'having a dream' is considered to be as valid as having a business plan and start-up funding.

TV shows overflow with ordinary folk who may possess a modicum of talent at cooking or singing, yet vibrate with evangelical zeal as they explain: 'I want this so badly, I know I can win.' Self-awareness has been replaced by mindless self-belief, regardless of the evidence.

'We have fallen for a filtered-down pop psychology message that says: "If you believe it, it's true," ' says psychotherapist Rachel Morris, who specialises in women's issues. 'Best-selling books such as The Secret basically say that if you want something badly enough, you can have it, and that's a very seductive promise.

It's basic, Californian-style positive thinking - but we're now in danger of believing that high self-esteem is equivalent to talent, opportunity and ambition.

You see this everywhere. Not only in small, annoying ways but in big life-changing ways: bored divorce, ruinous debt, wasted adulthood, and really screwed up childhood ambitions.

The group with the highest "self-esteem" in the U.S. are convicted felons. Among children, kids with lower than average self-esteem are much better students overall and they are significantly better at math. Why? Probably because wishing really hard doesn't really pay off in math - you have to actually work at it so you have to actually fail periodically. Public failure can have a wonderfully clarifying effect on the ego.

Imagining that we deserve a special reward for simply completing the basic requirements of functional adulthood (job, home, family) is insane.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1286344/Are-REALLY-worth-Designer-bags-luxury-holidays-affairs--celebrity-culture-dangerously-deluding-women-think-deserve-everything.html#ixzz0qrTWGLYw

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 06:10 PM
Shaddap, woman, and bring me a beer.

CueSi
06-14-2010, 08:17 PM
Shaddap, woman, and bring me a beer.

The story said low, not doormat.

~QC

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 08:25 PM
The story said low, not doormat.

~QC

Bleem slarga travoody prog.

~ AA

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 08:28 PM
Ginger is no one's doormat. She is more of a boot scraper that she forged herself from ore that she smelted herself while eating cheese she made herself from milk she... Well you get the idea.

Bubba Dawg
06-14-2010, 08:32 PM
Ginger is no one's doormat. She is more of a boot scraper that she forged herself from ore that she smelted herself while eating cheese she made herself from milk she... Well you get the idea.

....with a sniper rifle....

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 08:36 PM
....with a sniper rifle....

Is that what that red dot is? I thought maybe I had gone all Pakista....

Bubba Dawg
06-14-2010, 08:40 PM
Is that what that red dot is? I thought maybe I had gone all Pakista....

You never hear the bullet that gets you but you might catch a glimpse of the red dot.....

Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 09:01 PM
Hah, hah.....

*checks wind and drop*

Let's get back to the topic because it really is an interesting one and one that I've thought about often. This attitude isn't confined to women but it certainly is expressed more fully in "women's" advertising and publications.

In my experience, the people who see themselves as most competent, most intelligent, and most deserving are generally pretty far down the scale in actual achievement and contribution.

I've worked in highly technical fields all my professional life and nothing brings you back to your senses like a failed experiment or a hopeless model. Being forced to compare your ideas against actual data sets has a certain humbling effect on most of us. Of course, that's a stark comparison - you're either in the ballpark or you fail. In other vocations, "success" is less a matter of fact and more a matter of opinion which leaves a lot of wiggle room.

An inflated sense of worth seems to be counterproductive when it comes to actual learning and skill-building.

Bubba Dawg
06-14-2010, 09:04 PM
Hah, hah.....

*checks wind and drop*

Let's get back to the topic because it really is an interesting one and one that I've thought about often. This attitude isn't confined to women but it certainly is expressed more fully in "women's" advertising and publications.

In my experience, the people who see themselves as most competent, most intelligent, and most deserving are generally pretty far down the scale in actual achievement and contribution.

I've worked in highly technical fields all my professional life and nothing brings you back to your senses like a failed experiment or a hopeless model. Being forced to compare your ideas against actual data sets has a certain humbling effect on most of us. Of course, that's a stark comparison - you're either in the ballpark or you fail. In other vocations, "success" is less a matter of fact and more a matter of opinion which leaves a lot of wiggle room.

An inflated sense of worth seems to be counterproductive when it comes to actual learning and skill-building.


Quite right. Back to the topic.

Have you noticed how many times there will be a particular topic and then for some reason the gist of the topic will shift completely to some totally unrelated line of conversation?

Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 09:15 PM
Quite right. Back to the topic.

Have you noticed how many times there will be a particular topic and then for some reason the gist of the topic will shift completely to some totally unrelated line of conversation?

Yes, and we have a descriptive title for people who do that kind of thing which has a real Old Testament ring to it. :cool:

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 10:20 PM
Did you know that for every human in the world there are one million ants?

Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 10:25 PM
Did you know that for every human in the world there are one million ants?

Did you know that I burn up ant villages with a propane torch? After I poison their children, I mean.

Articulate_Ape
06-14-2010, 10:26 PM
I bet the ants know. They a remember, Ginger, and they are coming for you.

Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 10:28 PM
I bet the ants know. They a remember, Ginger, and they are coming for you.

I concede defeat. You made me jack my own thread. :(

Bubba Dawg
06-14-2010, 10:53 PM
Cheese. People like cheese.

The water in the toilet bowl is blue. Imagine that. Blue water.....

Gingersnap
06-14-2010, 11:08 PM
Lounge fodder now.

*cries*

warpig
06-14-2010, 11:11 PM
The high self esteem is fake in most youth of today. The ability to create fake identities on line, thinking that "if you can google it you can do it", even playing video games where no one ever really looses creates a false subconscious sense of superior ability in many ways. All this coupled with the "don't hurt anyone's feelings" attitude and people have a very fragile sense of ability and worth. The purchase of expensive items (my brother always buys the very top of the line) reinforces and shields ones sense of ability and general worth, allowing many to look down on others or feel they are on the same plane as those who are genuinely better in one respect or another.

Once one realizes that there is always someone "faster on the draw" one can begin to enjoy who and what they are and the abilities they have and the worth their life brings to themselves and those around them.