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Speedy
07-30-2010, 01:40 PM
I am in the process of writing a sequel to my novel and am stuck on the opening. I have written two versions but have no idea which one to use.

The story opens with a woman getting shot in the back of the head as she was opening the door to her car. She had left a message on my protaganist's phone stating she was in trouble and needed help.

Here is where I can't decide. Should I start out describing the scene and murder of this woman, which is how I had planned to start it out, or the new way which does not seem so cliched.

The other way I envision this is with my protaganist returning the phone call and having a homicide detective at the crime scene answering the cellphone. With the murder already having occured.

I have almost half of the novel written and it has all the carnage, gunplay, fisticuffs and general mayhem that my first one had. By the way this one is called Blindside. All over but the Dyin' comes out the week after Thanksgiving.

obx
07-30-2010, 01:48 PM
I like the second way. It puts the reader in the same position as the protaganist.
________
Charles E. Sorensen (http://www.ford-wiki.com/wiki/Charles_E._Sorensen)

Gingersnap
07-30-2010, 02:35 PM
The second way.

warpig
07-30-2010, 02:41 PM
I vote the second way.

Jfor
07-30-2010, 05:31 PM
+1 for the second opening. Really put's you into the protagonist's shoes and the oh shit he would be feeling.

Articulate_Ape
07-30-2010, 05:38 PM
I agree the that second approach is much better on a number of levels.

Speedy
07-30-2010, 05:54 PM
+1 for the second opening. Really put's you into the protagonist's shoes and the oh shit he would be feeling.

The protaganist is a woman, Jogabeth Garcia. Imagine a taller Michelle Rodriguez with light grey eyes.

Articulate_Ape
07-30-2010, 06:06 PM
The protaganist is a woman, Jogabeth Garcia. Imagine a taller Michelle Rodriguez with light grey eyes.

How would one properly pronounce the name Jogabeth? Yo-ho-ah-beth?

Hawkgirl
07-30-2010, 06:42 PM
I too, like the second.

Did you find a publisher for the first?

Speedy
07-30-2010, 06:44 PM
I too, like the second.

Did you find a publisher for the first?

Yes, it comes out the week after Thanksgiving.

Speedy
07-30-2010, 06:47 PM
How would one properly pronounce the name Jogabeth? Yo-ho-ah-beth?

Joe-Gah-Beth. Her bank robbing, gun for hire, mom considered herself a Southern Belle and gave her a Southern Belle name.

Hawkgirl
07-30-2010, 06:48 PM
Yes, it comes out the week after Thanksgiving.


Awesome! Good luck!

Hawkgirl
07-30-2010, 06:51 PM
So, are women the villains in your book?

I met a loser lawyer about 10 years ago who took a year off from work to write a fictional book. In the first chapter he kills a woman named Marina, in a horrific manner. After I spoke to him about it, I asked why he picked the name "Marina"....turns out she was a girl he had a huge crush on in highschool that rejected him.


So, who is Jogabeth? :p

Speedy
07-30-2010, 07:30 PM
So, are women the villains in your book?

I met a loser lawyer about 10 years ago who took a year off from work to write a fictional book. In the first chapter he kills a woman named Marina, in a horrific manner. After I spoke to him about it, I asked why he picked the name "Marina"....turns out she was a girl he had a huge crush on in highschool that rejected him.


So, who is Jogabeth? :p

No women are not the villians. Jogabeth is more of an antihero. She views things in black and white, believes justice is meant to be served out by those injured and takes care of business herself. She is also from Texas and wholehearted believes that some people are in sore need of killin'.

She has a past that I reveal in snippets but it is not a pretty one. Two people close to her were murdered. Her mother (after robbing an armored car) and a lover who she felt was her soulmate.

I make mention of these two events in my stories. If my books do well, I want her fans to know this about her. If I get to a fourth or fifth book, I want her fans to know about this but not know why. Then when I write a novel about this, fan interest will be piqued. I will let the fans know in snippets that there was more, much more to these deaths than simple murder, but I won't reveal what it is until it is the basis for another book. I will say this, Jogabeth will rack up a Jack Bauer worty bodycount in setting things aright.

Articulate_Ape
07-30-2010, 07:57 PM
Joe-Gah-Beth. Her bank robbing, gun for hire, mom considered herself a Southern Belle and gave her a Southern Belle name.

Thanks.

Constitutionally Speaking
07-30-2010, 08:43 PM
I am in the process of writing a sequel to my novel and am stuck on the opening. I have written two versions but have no idea which one to use.

The story opens with a woman getting shot in the back of the head as she was opening the door to her car. She had left a message on my protaganist's phone stating she was in trouble and needed help.

Here is where I can't decide. Should I start out describing the scene and murder of this woman, which is how I had planned to start it out, or the new way which does not seem so cliched.

The other way I envision this is with my protaganist returning the phone call and having a homicide detective at the crime scene answering the cellphone. With the murder already having occured.

I have almost half of the novel written and it has all the carnage, gunplay, fisticuffs and general mayhem that my first one had. By the way this one is called Blindside. All over but the Dyin' comes out the week after Thanksgiving.


The second way, but that does not preclude you from still describing the scene.


Is your first book available yet???

Big Guy
07-30-2010, 08:55 PM
I think the 2nd. And let me know when they are available, I will buy them.

Speedy
07-30-2010, 09:03 PM
The second way, but that does not preclude you from still describing the scene.


Is your first book available yet???

I will describe everything from Jogabeth's point of view until she hangs up and then I will switch over to the homicide detective's point of view and describe what happened.

My first book comes out the week after Thansgiving. This is the cover:

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y236/speed_addiction/all.jpg

Hawkgirl
07-30-2010, 09:04 PM
Speed, you should move it up so you don't miss all the crazy shoppers on Black Friday which is the DAY after Thanksgiving...

Speedy
07-30-2010, 09:37 PM
Speed, you should move it up so you don't miss all the crazy shoppers on Black Friday which is the DAY after Thanksgiving...

The decision on the release date is in the hands of the publisher. It was supposed to be a summer release and the publisher decided not to publish it. They were going to eat the advance. I am happy they are publishing it at all.