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View Full Version : You can retire to_____(pick your poison)



SaintLouieWoman
08-31-2010, 07:35 PM
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona -- where
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California -- where
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City -- where
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Note: if you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Buffalo, NY -- where
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for deer.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the South -- where
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder," or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

You can retire to Colorado -- where
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest -- where
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND you can retire to Florida -- where
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by no one.

malloc
08-31-2010, 07:39 PM
I don't care who you are. That was funny right there.

SaintLouieWoman
08-31-2010, 07:50 PM
I don't care who you are. That was funny right there.

Glad you saw it. I was just coming back to this to copy the Arizona part for you in the weather thread where you said Arizona is almost perfectly safe from catastrophic weather events.

I'd trade Arizona for Florida anytime. You don't have to buy the hurricane shutters we just got or the super fortified garage door with the Dade County rating.

We'll probably just have to sweat it out if the power goes out. We've gotten 2 quotes for the whole house generators---one almost $11k and the other $11.5k. You can get a whole lot of AC in Arizona for that price.

malloc
08-31-2010, 08:37 PM
We'll probably just have to sweat it out if the power goes out. We've gotten 2 quotes for the whole house generators---one almost $11k and the other $11.5k. You can get a whole lot of AC in Arizona for that price.

Yikes! I'm not sure I'd survive if we lost A/C in the middle of the summer. I can't imagine doing that in Florida where it's hot and humid.


3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

This part especially cracked me up because it's very nearly true. I have some friends that live on the North West side of Phoenix, and I live out in San Tan Valley, which is way South and East. Once I get into the Phoenix Metro area which from the South East would start in Queen Creek & Chandler, It's literally a little over an hour drive with no traffic to his house, all without ever leaving the city. From my house to say, Sun City West would be seriously like a 2 and half hour one-way drive, and I would never leave the urban sprawl.

Apache
09-02-2010, 04:58 PM
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona -- where
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



Great! Now I'm home-sick....:(

lacarnut
09-02-2010, 06:56 PM
We'll probably just have to sweat it out if the power goes out. We've gotten 2 quotes for the whole house generators---one almost $11k and the other $11.5k. You can get a whole lot of AC in Arizona for that price.

It is a shame you'll don't have natural gas down there cause it would be much cheaper.

RobJohnson
09-03-2010, 08:50 PM
You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.


:D

Zafod
09-07-2010, 12:14 PM
Yikes! I'm not sure I'd survive if we lost A/C in the middle of the summer. I can't imagine doing that in Florida where it's hot and humid.



This part especially cracked me up because it's very nearly true. I have some friends that live on the North West side of Phoenix, and I live out in San Tan Valley, which is way South and East. Once I get into the Phoenix Metro area which from the South East would start in Queen Creek & Chandler, It's literally a little over an hour drive with no traffic to his house, all without ever leaving the city. From my house to say, Sun City West would be seriously like a 2 and half hour one-way drive, and I would never leave the urban sprawl.

word.

getting read to move to queen creek rd and higley in march.