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View Full Version : Probably Not True, But Fun Just the Same



Odysseus
09-13-2010, 10:57 AM
E-mailed from a friend. As said above, it seems to get more far-fetched as it goes on, but I still enjoyed it.

AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown* Savannah **night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.**E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black*Burberry jacket*that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that*Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
*
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
*
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
*
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
*
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
*
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two*threatening phone calls*to the DA's office and one to the*FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
*
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
*
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
********

Wei Wu Wei
09-13-2010, 11:02 AM
Taking....my...stuff?

watch me commit credit card fraud, property damage, and make assassination threats against the president and harrass the FBI

heh, he got off lucky for, where i'm from, attempted theft is worth more than a life

Gingersnap
09-13-2010, 11:02 AM
Not true but still funny. :D

Speedy
09-13-2010, 01:05 PM
heh, he got off lucky for, where i'm from, attempted theft is worth more than a life

Guess you must not be from Texas then. Being in sore need of killin' is a justifiable motive here.

Wei Wu Wei
09-13-2010, 01:37 PM
Born and raised in Texas my good man. Not too far from Sonora actually, once my girlfriend and I were stranded out in the middle of nowhere near Sonora when we ran out of gas on the road. Good times.

Odysseus
09-13-2010, 10:02 PM
Taking....my...stuff?

watch me commit credit card fraud, property damage, and make assassination threats against the president and harrass the FBI

heh, he got off lucky for, where i'm from, attempted theft is worth more than a life

More like attempted armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon.

Besides, you'd be happy to do all of that stuff if it were a Republican president. :p