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hoplophobe
09-17-2010, 03:32 PM
Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History


Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History


WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

Mr. Farger, the executive director of the pro-monkey-spanking group MasturNation, said that the “wank and file” of his organization believe that masturbation is an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution.

“Our country was founded by rugged individualists,” he said. “And you know what individualists like to do.”

He said that Ms. O’Donnell’s anti-whacking position was “ill-timed,” adding, “In this economy, masturbation is one of the few simple pleasures people still can afford.”

Tracy Klugian, a homemaker and masturbator from Dover, Delaware, said she is “puzzled” by what she sees as the contradictory nature of candidate O’Donnell’s position: “If you’re against masturbation, why would you want to serve in Congress?”

A spokesman for the Wilmington Police Department, Crandall Darlington, said that the Million Masturbators March could cost the city tens of thousands of dollars, “especially when you include the cost of cleaning up afterwards.”


http://www.borowitzreport.com/

FlaGator
09-17-2010, 03:35 PM
Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History



http://www.borowitzreport.com/

They've got a point. Congress has been jerking it self off for years.

NJCardFan
09-17-2010, 09:08 PM
I didn't' know there was a puñeta lobby.

asdf2231
09-17-2010, 10:26 PM
O'donnell is going to be facing some stiff criticism over her handling of this issue.

Rockntractor
09-17-2010, 10:29 PM
O'donnell is going to be facing some stiff criticism over her handling of this issue.

The reporters will be buzzing with a battery of questions!

Bubba Dawg
09-17-2010, 10:40 PM
I don't get it. The call it self-abuse.

I've always enjoyed it. :confused:

Zeus
09-17-2010, 11:44 PM
Steady as she goes and she can beat it.

Rockntractor
09-17-2010, 11:48 PM
She can expect polls to dip.

Odysseus
10-19-2010, 05:00 PM
My dad always told me that it would make me go blind. I always replied, "I'm over here, Dad."