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Gingersnap
09-22-2010, 11:34 AM
Should parents kiss their kids on the lips?

By Susannah Breslin, The Frisky
September 21, 2010 8:57 a.m. EDT

(The Frisky) -- Personally, it feels strange even writing that title.

Why wouldn't parents kiss their kids on the lips? Isn't that what all parents do? You know, kiss their kids on the lips to show their love? Apparently, some people find the idea of a parent kissing his or her son or daughter on the lips deranged and disgusting. But who?

The Frisky: I'm afraid to date because of serious debt

One is a reader of the advice column penned by Margot Howard (daughter of Eppie Lederer, who once wrote an advice column as the famous Ann Landers) who wrote in under the name "Want My Husband's Lips for Myself" to complain that her husband regularly gives a peck on the lips to his 5-year-old daughter.

And, really, the letter writer's name ("Want My Husband's Lips for Myself") says it all, doesn't it?

WMHLFM wrote into advice columnist Dear Margo asking if the fact that her husband kissing his daughter on the lips completely freaks her out was weird or not.

His daughter (the advice seeker's stepdaughter) is five, and this stepmother of one year, who has kids of her own, says that her husband kissing his daughter on the mouth is "driving me crazy" and "aggravates me to no end."

The crime, as she describes it, is a "peck," but, she declares, it belongs on the girl's cheek, not her lips.

"I even explained that you do not kiss on the lips unless you are married," she waxes. "I have mentioned that I'm totally against the gesture; he said he will do so until the day he dies." Why so upset, stepmom? According to her, it's "a sexual gesture and very inappropriate."

There are a lot of outraged comments at the link, as you might imagine. Only one comment addressed what I think is the only important issue here: stop doing it if the kid doesn't like it as he or she gets older.

Infants and toddlers have a high degree of comfort with body fluids but older kids may not. I spent way too much time as a child wiping off spit generated by assorted female relatives.

CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/09/21/tf.parents.kiss.children/?hpt=Sbin)

Shannon
09-22-2010, 11:52 AM
I do my best to avoid any displays of affection with my son. Kiss your kid on the lips? I find that downright creepy.

noonwitch
09-22-2010, 12:55 PM
Babies and toddlers, yes.


Any kid over 4-no. Not that it is wrong in and of itself, but it's also important to set limits with kids in order to teach them to set limits themselves with people they meet. Nobody wants kids to think it's okay to kiss adult strangers on the lips, so parents shouldn't do it once they start teaching their kids about stranger danger/avoiding Mom's weird cousin.

FlaGator
09-22-2010, 01:08 PM
I do my best to avoid any displays of affection with my son. Kiss your kid on the lips? I find that downright creepy.

Especially if you're slipping him the tongue.

Molon Labe
09-22-2010, 01:38 PM
I do my best to avoid any displays of affection with my son. Kiss your kid on the lips? I find that downright creepy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw8f_vxfPBc

Articulate_Ape
09-22-2010, 06:09 PM
Especially if you're slipping him the tongue.

Heh.

warpig
09-22-2010, 06:11 PM
No.

RobJohnson
09-23-2010, 02:33 AM
I was 16 & she was my 26 year old step mom....it was right before she dropped me off at band camp. :p


I'm not a big fan of PDA, but am getting more used to it in my older years. I have customers that run up and hug me after they have been gone all summer......I must admit, it warms my heart.

malloc
09-23-2010, 05:00 AM
I do my best to avoid any displays of affection with my son. Kiss your kid on the lips? I find that downright creepy.

I have lots of thoughts and opinions on the matter at hand, however, this particular comment has my feathers in an uproar. I have many kids and I would take whatever stops necessary to ensure the success of any of my individual children, even if that meant I had to give up my own time indefinitely.

Since you do your best to avoid any display of affection with your son, how do you know that you son has any affection for you? What if he hates you and has no affection towards you? Someday very soon he's going to be a lot, a whole lot bigger than you and have the most private access to you. What if you still find your son creepy then? What if he still finds you distant and unreachable?

Gingersnap
09-23-2010, 09:31 AM
I have lots of thoughts and opinions on the matter at hand, however, this particular comment has my feathers in an uproar. I have many kids and I would take whatever stops necessary to ensure the success of any of my individual children, even if that meant I had to give up my own time indefinitely.

Since you do your best to avoid any display of affection with your son, how do you know that you son has any affection for you? What if he hates you and has no affection towards you? Someday very soon he's going to be a lot, a whole lot bigger than you and have the most private access to you. What if you still find your son creepy then? What if he still finds you distant and unreachable?

I'm pretty sure Shannon was just kidding with that remark. ;)

It's her husband that doesn't get any display of affection. :p

malloc
09-23-2010, 01:13 PM
I'm pretty sure Shannon was just kidding with that remark. ;)

It's her husband that doesn't get any display of affection. :p

I thought she was totally serious, and that comment really creeped me out! :D

Speedy
09-23-2010, 02:49 PM
I have 3 daughters, Jazz is my oldest and a disabled Iraq war vet. My second youngest is Marcy, an RN. My youngest I did not even know existed until a couple of months ago, named Deeanna. Jazz always gets a kiss on the top of her forehead as a gretting and goodbye. Deeanna has slowly worked up to an occassional hug. Marcy though, has always gotten a quick peck on the lips as a greeting or goodbye. As she was growing up I grew al little worried about how it looked and started trying to kiss her on the cheek or forehead. Marcy took it as a slight. She was even a little offended by the fact that I would not give her her peck on the lips and now it is how we greet each other and say goodbye.

fettpett
09-23-2010, 08:41 PM
I don't see the harm in any affection shown toward kids/siblings/family/friends as long as both parties are comfortable with the level of touch given we tend to deprive ourselves of touch due to "socialital norms" that tell us that men holding hands is gay, or kissing a person on the mouth is sexual, even the simple act of hugging a student for doing a good job is looked down on.

It's sad that we demonized good healthy touch and yet lift up and priase sexual and violent touch

Shannon
09-23-2010, 08:54 PM
I have lots of thoughts and opinions on the matter at hand, however, this particular comment has my feathers in an uproar. I have many kids and I would take whatever stops necessary to ensure the success of any of my individual children, even if that meant I had to give up my own time indefinitely.

Since you do your best to avoid any display of affection with your son, how do you know that you son has any affection for you? What if he hates you and has no affection towards you? Someday very soon he's going to be a lot, a whole lot bigger than you and have the most private access to you. What if you still find your son creepy then? What if he still finds you distant and unreachable?


Eh. I have already traumatized him from beating him emotionally and physically to the point that he cowers in fear when I enter the room. I'm not too concerned.:p

Shannon
09-23-2010, 08:55 PM
I don't see the harm in any affection shown toward kids/siblings/family/friends as long as both parties are comfortable with the level of touch given we tend to deprive ourselves of touch due to "socialital norms" that tell us that men holding hands is gay, or kissing a person on the mouth is sexual, even the simple act of hugging a student for doing a good job is looked down on.

It's sad that we demonized good healthy touch and yet lift up and priase sexual and violent touch


Men holding hands is gay.

BadCat
09-23-2010, 08:57 PM
I come from an affection-dysfunctional family.

Doesn't bother any of us kids.

Gingersnap
09-23-2010, 09:34 PM
I come from an affection-dysfunctional family.

Doesn't bother any of us kids.

My family and my husband's family are all Scandis. My mother was the only real outlier in the slobbering department. We were all greatly relieved to find out that mouth-to-mouth is no longer required for CPR.

People who enjoy lots of touching, hugging, rubbing, and hand-holding are fine - with each other. Those of us who prefer less random contact are also fine - with each other. This is why I married a fellow Scandi.

In my experience, touchy-feely people are also yelling/crying people. Not that there's anything wrong with that. :cool:

malloc
09-23-2010, 09:51 PM
Eh. I have already traumatized him from beating him emotionally and physically to the point that he cowers in fear when I enter the room. I'm not too concerned.:p


I come from an affection-dysfunctional family.

Doesn't bother any of us kids.

LOL, isn't this how Jason Vorhees and Norman Bates got started? Or was that over-affection. Darn! Maybe I should be ignoring my kids! :eek:

Gingersnap
09-23-2010, 10:10 PM
LOL, isn't this how Jason Vorhees and Norman Bates got started? Or was that over-affection. Darn! Maybe I should be ignoring my kids! :eek:

Try ignoring them for a couple of weeks and then being Super Dad for a couple of weeks and then being Raging Dad for a couple of weeks. Mix it up every few months.

I believe that's the recipe for a serial killer. Of course, Dexter's Dad wasn't like that so maybe not. :confused:

Zafod
09-24-2010, 12:08 PM
I used to kiss my son on the cheek all the time. he recently started asking me not to. I dont now. but I love his little hugs.

FlaGator
09-24-2010, 12:29 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOXQTr_3IVw

linda22003
09-25-2010, 09:57 AM
Downer of a sig line, FlaGator.

hampshirebrit
09-25-2010, 11:06 AM
Downer of a sig line, FlaGator.

No kidding, it so is. It is also completely incorrect.

hampshirebrit
09-25-2010, 11:10 AM
Men holding hands is gay.

Not in places such as India. It's a completely non-sexual expression of friendship there, something one sees frequently, in a country where homosexuality is very much frowned upon.