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View Full Version : Things to do in the TSA "checkout stand"....



marv
11-17-2010, 06:42 PM
If you're male, request a female pat-down agent.
If you're female, request a male pat-down agent.
Giggle a lot.
Pretend you're gay/lesbian, and ask if they'll do it again.
Voice a loud, orgasmic "OHHHHHHHHHH......... yes, yes!"
Ask the agent for a date.
Make comments like, "Oh, you're so naughty!"

...and anything else to embarrass the TSA agent..........and the TSA.

Rockntractor
11-17-2010, 06:47 PM
Lean into their hand as they pat you down!:D

Big Guy
11-17-2010, 06:53 PM
When they pat you down they are usually behind you soooooooo.

Bend at the waist and back up, the Inmates do this to the new officers at the prison. :D

Articulate_Ape
11-17-2010, 07:04 PM
Take a Viagra beforehand.

megimoo
11-17-2010, 07:06 PM
Lean into their hand as they pat you down!:D
Bring back The orgasmatron ,we'll overstimulate you until you confess !

Madisonian
11-17-2010, 07:12 PM
Male:
Stop at the local adult novelty store and get a 12" vibrating artificial phallic device and place down pants as appropriate.
Turn on said device about 30 seconds before the pat down (insist on a public pat down).
Relax and smile a lot.:D

Female:
Well, I guess you could do the same thing.:eek:

marv
11-17-2010, 07:20 PM
http://members.socket.net/~mcruzan/avatars/laugher.gif Jeeze.......I'm spitting my vodka tonic all over my keyboard.......

Gingersnap
11-17-2010, 07:44 PM
Somebody suggested that men should wear kilts and go commando.

CueSi can probably elaborate on this but apparently adult stores sell "packages" for would-be female to male cross-dressers to ensure a more authentic look. A "package" under a cocktail dress sounds like fun for the TSA. :)

Molon Labe
11-17-2010, 08:04 PM
Take a Viagra beforehand.

or take one of these to the airport

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XuLXD3iZ88

Calypso Jones
11-17-2010, 09:02 PM
for women?

Gingersnap
11-17-2010, 09:07 PM
for women?

Why not? It's not like they can ask your sex or anything. :D

Rockntractor
11-17-2010, 09:09 PM
Fart.

marv
11-17-2010, 10:54 PM
When they pat you down they are usually behind you soooooooo.

Bend at the waist and back up,...:D



Fart.

.

PoliCon
11-17-2010, 11:06 PM
or take one of these to the airport

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XuLXD3iZ88
lol and women claim they don't look at that. :rolleyes:

PoliCon
11-17-2010, 11:07 PM
lets remember people that most TSA agents are real - NORMAL - people just trying to do their job.

Rockntractor
11-17-2010, 11:11 PM
lets remember people that most TSA agents are real - NORMAL - people just trying to do their job.

Your right, this would be a better job for you to do, their junk would be right at eye level!

PoliCon
11-17-2010, 11:23 PM
Your right, this would be a better job for you to do, their junk would be right at eye level!

And if you take the pat down you'd best give the poor guy a pair of tweezers. :p

Rockntractor
11-17-2010, 11:26 PM
And if you take the pat down you'd best give the poor guy a pair of tweezers. :p

Duh! Of course it would have to be a pair, what good would one tweezer do!:rolleyes:

PoliCon
11-17-2010, 11:29 PM
Duh! Of course it would have to be a pair, what good would one tweezer do!:rolleyes:

poke someone's eye out. sheesh.

m00
11-18-2010, 12:01 AM
lets remember people that most TSA agents are real - NORMAL - people just trying to do their job.

I bet they get a lot of washed-out Correctional Officers. :p

Odysseus
11-18-2010, 12:15 AM
Fart.
Load up on Taco Bell beforehand.

lets remember people that most TSA agents are real - NORMAL - people just trying to do their job.
All the more reason to make it as weird as possible.

Put one of those squishy toys in the back of your pants. When they feel it, just look embarassed and say, "Uh oh, I had an accident..."

Or, get a long wig that matches your hair color and stick it in the front of your pants. Explain that you didn't have time to trim that morning.

m00
11-18-2010, 12:28 AM
Load up on Taco Bell beforehand.

All the more reason to make it as weird as possible.

Put one of those squishy toys in the back of your pants. When they feel it, just look embarassed and say, "Uh oh, I had an accident..."

Or, get a long wig that matches your hair color and stick it in the front of your pants. Explain that you didn't have time to trim that morning.

Unfortunately, I'm sure you'd get charged with "Obstruction of Lawful Security Procedures" or something.

Odysseus
11-18-2010, 12:46 AM
Unfortunately, I'm sure you'd get charged with "Obstruction of Lawful Security Procedures" or something.

For the wig? Unlikely. The squishy toy might result in a further search, so it's a bad idea, but still, I really like the wig gag, and there's no law against having a merkin.

Kay
11-18-2010, 12:50 AM
there's no law against having a merkin.

I had to google that to find out what it was it.
Can you imagine working in a merkin factory.
That would be a good episode to put on How Its Made.

CueSi
11-18-2010, 02:30 AM
Somebody suggested that men should wear kilts and go commando.

CueSi can probably elaborate on this but apparently adult stores sell "packages" for would-be female to male cross-dressers to ensure a more authentic look. A "package" under a cocktail dress sounds like fun for the TSA. :)

Most good packs are home-made. My shop doesn't sell any, but I know the ones that do. Sand/gel filled small balloons or condoms work best. Those little stress balls? Get one of those... get it into a condom, prolly a magnum, and stuff it in your panties. :p

I may do that for fun next time. :D

~QC

PoliCon
11-18-2010, 09:26 AM
I bet they get a lot of washed-out Correctional Officers. :p

I don't know the one person I know who works for the TSA is Sargent in the Army Reserves and going to college.

noonwitch
11-18-2010, 12:53 PM
I don't know the one person I know who works for the TSA is Sargent in the Army Reserves and going to college.


I thought that would be one of those jobs that would appeal to either former military personnel or for reservists. It uses a lot of the skills learned in the military, it pays fairly well with benefits, and they have to accomodate you if you get called up for active service.

One of my former coworker's husbands is an air marshall. He's a former military guy, too.

Odysseus
11-18-2010, 03:31 PM
I had to google that to find out what it was it.
Can you imagine working in a merkin factory.
That would be a good episode to put on How Its Made.
I would think that they're made the same way as regular wigs, but it might make a good episode of Dirty Jobs, with Mike Rowe. Come to think of it, so would the TSA, now that it's become a step above subway groping.

I thought that would be one of those jobs that would appeal to either former military personnel or for reservists. It uses a lot of the skills learned in the military, it pays fairly well with benefits, and they have to accomodate you if you get called up for active service.

One of my former coworker's husbands is an air marshall. He's a former military guy, too.

Air Marshalls are to TSA gate workers as Navy SEALs are to your high school's swim team coach.

Calypso Jones
11-18-2010, 03:34 PM
not all of them.

Calypso Jones
11-18-2010, 03:35 PM
Pee your pants and leave a puddle.

Odysseus
11-18-2010, 03:57 PM
Pee your pants and leave a puddle.

If you're travelling with a toddler or infant, don't change the diaper before going through the checkpoint.