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View Full Version : Okay, Now What?



Speedy
12-13-2010, 02:19 PM
For the past few months Deeanna has been a completly changed girl. She does her chores (cleaning out the horse stalls, laundry, house cleaning) with out complaint. She enjoys doing some of them. She keeps her room meticulously clean. I have imposed a curfew on her and she has yet to break it unless she calls in a timely fashion. She cooks and bakes with my mom (who just adores her). It is almost like aliens abducted the old Deeanna and left this one in her place. I leave in dread fear of them bringing the old Deeanna back.

Today, she got into a fight in school. A bad one. The other girl had to get stitches because Deeanna opened up a slice under her eye. Both Deeanna and the other girl are going to be in ISS for a while.

I am at a loss about what to do. The old Deeanna of a couple of months back I would have known how to handle. But now that she has been acting and behaving so well, I do not know what would be appropriate.

I do not want her to think that she can't catch a break but then I really can't just let this go either.

lacarnut
12-13-2010, 03:28 PM
Since this is a first time event, I would not make a big deal out of it. Find out who started the fight and tell her the next time if a fight can not be avoided do it off school grounds. Bullies usually get the message when they get their ass kicked and the word spreads around. Probably will not happen again but I would not discourage her from taking up for herself. In many confrontations, keeping your mouth closed can keep you from getting in a fight but opening it will almost guarantee one. It took me a long time to learn that as a kid.

NJCardFan
12-13-2010, 03:36 PM
This depends. Did she start the fight? My father didn't condone fighting, however, if someone picked a fight with one of us, we were free to finish it. If she didn't start it then there's nothing that can be done. She defended herself. If she did start it, then she needs to be disciplined. Not saying beat her or anything like that. Ground her for a week or take something away(cell phone) for a period of time. It sounds like you've done a great job at raising her for this year you've had her but just because she's starting to straighten out, doesn't mean she doesn't need guidance from time to time which includes discipline. Just make sure what you do is done out of love and not anger.

Jfor
12-13-2010, 05:17 PM
Just wanted to add that I agree with LA and NJ.

Hawkgirl
12-13-2010, 06:25 PM
Just to echo the previous posts, find out who started. If she stood up for herself, then I wouldn't punish her...but maybe coach her on "avoidance"...how people are just not worth it...etc. I wouldn't penalize the girl for sticking up for herself.

I only had 2 fights in my childhood life. Both girls were hurt, and their mother's came to my house. Both girls started with me. One started a fight with me when I was on my roller skates....she lost.
My parents never said a word to me about it.

Now if SHE is the bully, then she should get "perks" removed for a long period of time.

Articulate_Ape
12-13-2010, 06:55 PM
How old is Deeanna again, Speedy?

NJCardFan
12-13-2010, 07:15 PM
Just to echo the previous posts, find out who started. If she stood up for herself, then I wouldn't punish her...but maybe coach her on "avoidance"...how people are just not worth it...etc. I wouldn't penalize the girl for sticking up for herself.

I only had 2 fights in my childhood life. Both girls were hurt, and their mother's came to my house. Both girls started with me. One started a fight with me when I was on my roller skates....she lost.
My parents never said a word to me about it.

Now if SHE is the bully, then she should get "perks" removed for a long period of time.

I got in a lot of fights as a kid and I never started a one. However, I didn't go down so easily. Even those fights I lost I gained respect. Usually because even though you may have gotten the better of me, chances were you were pretty lumped up yourself. That and I was as dirty a fighter as one can be.

Hawkgirl
12-13-2010, 07:34 PM
I got in a lot of fights as a kid and I never started a one. However, I didn't go down so easily. Even those fights I lost I gained respect. Usually because even though you may have gotten the better of me, chances were you were pretty lumped up yourself. That and I was as dirty a fighter as one can be.


Well, you're a boy...two fights for a girl is plenty. I am a lady, ya know ;) BTW, I was under 12 in both of those fights. Girls fighting as teens(or older) isn't very lady-like.
I take pleasure in reminiscing though:o...giving that butch some major road rash as I kicked her down to the floor with my rollerskates, was pretty funny...but I digress.

Kay
12-13-2010, 09:02 PM
Teach her that wrestling "butt drag" move.

Rockntractor
12-13-2010, 09:03 PM
Teach her that wrestling "butt drag" move.

Don't chew your nails!:eek:

noonwitch
12-14-2010, 11:50 AM
If she didn't start the fight, then I don't see where the "old Deeana" is back. The school punishes both students in a fight, it's a zero tolerance thing. She can avoid the other girl in the future, perhaps.


If it happens again, then something is going on with her that you need to get to the bottom of. Threaten her with counseling. She would probably rather talk to you, and that's ultimately what you want her to do, so it's really just an empty threat. But she doesn't know that.

Speedy
12-14-2010, 02:03 PM
How old is Deeanna again, Speedy?


She turned 15 in October.

Articulate_Ape
12-14-2010, 02:22 PM
She turned 15 in October.

Thanks. In that case, I would have to concur with much of the advice that has been offered here.

Speedy
12-15-2010, 03:14 PM
I talked with Deeanna and I will not punish her. She did not start the fight and was defending herself after the other struck her first. She did not break any of my rules. She did break the school's rules (that zero tolerance thing) so she will be punished there with two weeks of ISS. I volunteered to pay for the other girl getting her stitches, but that is only because I have known her father for a long time and they are stuggling financially right now.

Deeanna's biggest worry was that I would be disappointed in her because she got in trouble and that if far from the case. I want to make this Christmas special for Deeanna as it will be our first Christmas together and her first away from her mom.

Molon Labe
12-15-2010, 04:00 PM
I talked with Deeanna and I will not punish her. She did not start the fight and was defending herself after the other struck her first. She did not break any of my rules. She did break the school's rules (that zero tolerance thing) so she will be punished there with two weeks of ISS. I volunteered to pay for the other girl getting her stitches, but that is only because I have known her father for a long time and they are stuggling financially right now.

Deeanna's biggest worry was that I would be disappointed in her because she got in trouble and that if far from the case. I want to make this Christmas special for Deeanna as it will be our first Christmas together and her first away from her mom.

I think you did the right thing. Like others said, if she had been lapsing back into older behavior, you might have been in more of a quandry....but you're showing trust that she knows the right thing to do.