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View Full Version : Damn, it's great to be a man....



Rebel Yell
05-12-2011, 09:11 AM
Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars..

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it

And to the men who will enjoy reading it.



___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People



NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .



EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.



ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

NJCardFan
05-12-2011, 10:18 AM
http://urlybits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/post-15-1072660070.jpg

Phillygirl
05-12-2011, 10:20 AM
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

Going to the bar and saying that you toasted them is not equivalent to a gift, I don't care how many of you think it is.

noonwitch
05-12-2011, 10:45 AM
http://urlybits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/post-15-1072660070.jpg


That's funny.

fettpett
05-12-2011, 10:56 AM
http://urlybits.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/post-15-1072660070.jpg

wait, what guy goes to GAP to buy jeans? :confused::confused::eek:

Odysseus
05-12-2011, 12:35 PM
Going to the bar and saying that you toasted them is not equivalent to a gift, I don't care how many of you tink it is.
It's better than making a donation to the Human Fund. :D

wait, what guy goes to GAP to buy jeans? :confused::confused::eek:
If you're buying them for your kids, it's okay.

CueSi
05-12-2011, 12:38 PM
I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

~QC

Speedy
05-12-2011, 12:45 PM
I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

~QC

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/112/3/d/I_love_you_by_tweeny.jpg

fettpett
05-12-2011, 01:12 PM
It's better than making a donation to the Human Fund. :D

If you're buying them for your kids, it's okay.


thats true....but if I'm buying for my kids, I'm not spending $33 on jeans, i'll got to walmart and get the same thing for $11

noonwitch
05-12-2011, 01:21 PM
I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

~QC


I have too much arthritis in one of my knees for the mall wandering. My mom always did the wandering thing.

Odysseus
05-12-2011, 01:22 PM
thats true....but if I'm buying for my kids, I'm not spending $33 on jeans, i'll got to walmart and get the same thing for $11

That's why we go to the outlets. Gap is very good about that, and the girls really like their stuff.

pyackog
05-12-2011, 02:13 PM
thats true....but if I'm buying for my kids, I'm not spending $33 on jeans, i'll got to walmart and get the same thing for $11

I tried that but my kids are too thin and need the pants with adjustable waists which Wal-Mart doesn't have in toddler sizes. I buy most of their stuff from The Children's Place outlet near me which has much better clothes at similar prices.

megimoo
05-12-2011, 03:16 PM
That's funny.Funny but true .A woman never goes into a store without looking at everything .A Man goes into a store and heads directly to what he needs, maybe looks around a bit,buys it and leaves.

If you ever get behind a woman in an isle while looking for something her head is like a windshield wiper,slowly swishing from one side to the other.When you try to pass her she swerves at the last minute to block you and gives you a dirty look .
When you finally get by her she speeds up to return to the front ......The best bet is to pretend that you found what you want,fiddle fart around with it, and wait for her to finally leave !:D

fettpett
05-12-2011, 03:29 PM
I tried that but my kids are too thin and need the pants with adjustable waists which Wal-Mart doesn't have in toddler sizes. I buy most of their stuff from The Children's Place outlet near me which has much better clothes at similar prices.

eh, kids grow out of that stuff so fast, it's cheaper to go rummage/garage sale shopping and pick stuff up there, thats how our kids ended up with 7/8 of their clothes

pyackog
05-12-2011, 03:30 PM
eh, kids grow out of that stuff so fast, it's cheaper to go rummage/garage sale shopping and pick stuff up there, thats how our kids ended up with 7/8 of their clothes

Grandmothers were responsible for most of ours. :D

Phillygirl
05-12-2011, 03:35 PM
Funny but true .A woman never goes into a store without looking at everything .A Man goes into a store and heads directly to what he needs, maybe looks around a bit,buys it and leaves.

If you ever get behind a woman in an isle while looking for something her head is like a windshield wiper,slowly swishing from one side to the other.When you try to pass her she swerves at the last minute to block you and gives you a dirty look .
When you finally get by her she speeds up to return to the front ......The best bet is to pretend that you found what you want,fiddle fart around with it, and wait for her to finally leave !:D

It's called "shopping"!

When I shop, I shop. Sometimes I just buy.

hoplophobe
05-12-2011, 04:04 PM
The "Man" song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiXaT_1I-vw

pyackog
05-12-2011, 04:06 PM
The Truth About Men...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft7ht4BzmPA

fettpett
05-12-2011, 04:13 PM
Grandmothers were responsible for most of ours. :D

same, but thats where my mother in law usually gets them. my mom gets stuff at walmart, but she works there...