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Odysseus
08-26-2011, 08:16 AM
August 23rd, 2011 | Afghanistan | Posted by Gina Cavallaro

http://militarytimes.com/blogs/battle-rattle/files/2011/08/marine-fart-afghanistan.jpg
(Marine Corps photo)

Marine Corps Times is a family newspaper and we only rarely have offensive language in our stories.

But this week the word “fart” appears in a story I wrote about the importance of trust between Marines and the Afghan national army soldiers they work with.

I didn’t want to write this little blog entry about farts. It’s not even on my beat. But my colleague Dan Lamothe, whose byline you have seen here quite often, shamed me into it.

“You owe it to all Marines,” he told me.

So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.
__________________________________________________ _________
Hope 'n' Change cartoons has done a better job of commenting on this than I can.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R5eDULMkxts/TlbBYKzDzUI/AAAAAAAADTA/FsrMRQbTpII/s640/Assghanistan.jpg


It's true: there is no such thing as a vacation for the president of the United States. While in Martha's Vineyard, Barack Obama has had to deal with a major earthquake, about which he did nothing, a huge hurricane, about which he is doing nothing, and now reports of gas attacks in populated regions of Afghanistan... with our own marines to blame!

According to a published report in the Military Times "Battle Rattle" section, Marines have been ordered to suppress audible farts because it offends the Afghans.

Now you might expect Hope n' Change cartoons to mock the Afghans for their hypocrisy and squeamishness...but in this case, we've got to take their side. After all, biological weapons are strictly forbidden under the rules of the Geneva Convention...and it's our considered opinion that despite the potential devastation of mustard gas, chlorine gas, or nerve agents on the battlefield, a genuine made-in-America Marine's Fart could be more destructive than all of those things combined.

We're not talking about the little hummingbird tweets which squeak out of the commander in chief and smell like cotton candy. No sir, we're talking about thundering, armor-piercing, white hot, "Don't look inside the Lost Ark of the Covenant!" 10-megaton MARINE farts! Even one of which is said to make a measurable change in Global Warming, especially if released near Al Gore.

And so, Marines, "hold 'em if you got 'em"...and keep that gas from passing while you're "guests" in Afghanistan!

When you get home, you can finally let it all out.

Hopefully during a tour of the Whitehouse.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Akw0c0lPk3U/TlbHkztzA3I/AAAAAAAADTI/3EBc65bq2QY/s400/fart-toilet-300x293.jpg
The few. The proud. The MARINES.

Apocalypse
08-26-2011, 08:37 AM
I was going to bring this over, you beat me to it.

This is the link you missed.

http://cc.bingj.com/cache.aspx?q=militarytimes.com%3a+fart&d=27025919314906494&mkt=en-US&setlang=en-US&w=806645e9,2e31785c

The comments section is golden.

~~~~~

It’s not like it was in the Old Corps!

~~~~

Are you kidding me. With the shit we had to eat i was farting none stop. I mean really all the MREs and UGRs all you do is fart.

~~~~~~

I have to ask….what discipinary action does UAF (Un-Approved Farting) carry these days???

txradioguy
08-26-2011, 09:39 AM
The fact they only bathe when it rains offends the hell out of me when I have to work in close proximity to them.

They can deal with the breaking of wind. There's a hell of a lot more for Marines to worry about in Helmand Province than whether they offend some Afghan when they bust ass.

Odysseus
08-26-2011, 10:18 AM
I have to ask….what discipinary action does UAF (Un-Approved Farting) carry these days???

It depends on whether it is prosecuted as a WMD discharge or a simple failure to clear one's backblast area. I'm sure that a fartwa will come out to clear the air regarding the issue.

Molon Labe
08-26-2011, 10:35 AM
Let me get this straight? They put their dinky in 11 year old boys, but have an offense to passing gas?

txradioguy
08-27-2011, 09:02 AM
Let me get this straight? They put their dinky in 11 year old boys, but have an offense to passing gas?

Pretty much.

Novaheart
08-27-2011, 02:08 PM
The fact they only bathe when it rains offends the hell out of me when I have to work in close proximity to them.

They can deal with the breaking of wind. There's a hell of a lot more for Marines to worry about in Helmand Province than whether they offend some Afghan when they bust ass.

When we're talking about farting, are we talking outside the bounds of common decency? I know some people think farting is funny, and others are merely unself-conscious, but as a rule most people won't fart in the company of a stranger while giving traffic directions.

For the record, the Afghans should be glad that the occupation army isn't Chinese. Living in San Francisco for many years, one thing you never get used to is the (usually immigrant) Chinese being seemingly unaware that it's rude to fart while sitting next to someone on a subway or a bus. I have never known marines to fart in public before, but then as someone else noted, they weren't eating the same stuff in DC that they are in Afghanistan.

Is this a problem with the Armed Forces of the Crown as well?

Bubba Dawg
08-27-2011, 09:41 PM
I usually don't know when my farts are going to be audible until I hear them.

I don't know when my farts are going to stink until I smell them.

Big Guy
08-27-2011, 09:49 PM
I usually don't know when my farts are going to be audible until I hear them.

I don't know when my farts are going to stink until I smell them.

I do, mine are all loud and they all smell like shit. :D

Apache
08-27-2011, 10:58 PM
Give me a 6-pack and some jalapenos and I'll have the entire Middle East in peace talks ASAP :o

Bubba Dawg
08-27-2011, 11:36 PM
I do, mine are all loud and they all smell like shit. :D

Dude, I am in Awre of you....:D

Rockntractor
08-27-2011, 11:59 PM
Afghanistan is unworthy of an American fart and is not worth the effort to squeeze the gas from your bowels.

Apache
08-28-2011, 12:03 AM
Afghanistan is unworthy of an American fart and is not worth the effort to squeeze the gas from your bowels.

WAIT!


You hafta squeeze :eek:

Apache
08-28-2011, 12:05 AM
Dude, I am in Awre of you....:D

So awAre you, you fergets the other A....:vomit:







:p

Big Guy
08-28-2011, 12:12 AM
So awAre you, you fergets the other A....:vomit:







:p

Pull my finger.:D

Novaheart
08-28-2011, 09:56 AM
Afghanistan is unworthy of an American fart and is not worth the effort to squeeze the gas from your bowels.

That's why I think we ought to turn Afghanistan over to the Chinese. In the first place, it will really put a kink in Pakistan's dreams. In the second, it will give the Chinese something to do with their surplus of males under 30 years old and all their new military equipment. In the third place, it will really put the fear of Buddha in some muzzies.