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View Full Version : You might be a Conservative if.



hai
03-30-2012, 06:15 PM
edited

Apache
03-30-2012, 06:36 PM
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two."
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties."
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You're afraid of the "liberal media."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
You think all artists are gay.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

humor and satire must contain a grain of truth...

this, this is a whopping load of FAIL!

hai
03-30-2012, 06:45 PM
humor and satire must contain a grain of truth...

this, this is a whopping load of FAIL!

It's a copypasta

Hawkgirl
03-30-2012, 06:47 PM
http://i44.tinypic.com/t6tr8o.jpg

Articulate_Ape
03-30-2012, 07:05 PM
ThePeoplesCube.com owns an electron microscope? Who knew?

Lager
03-30-2012, 07:35 PM
In order for that to have even a little of humor value, you need references that are a little more contemporary. Some of those were relevant when the Grand Canyon was still a ditch! :smile-new:

Apache
03-30-2012, 07:51 PM
It's a copypasta

really? you better wipe your shoes off before going inside...

Apache
03-30-2012, 07:53 PM
ThePeoplesCube.com owns an electron microscope? Who knew?

thepeoplescube.com... duh!



some people's apes :rolleyes:

hai
03-30-2012, 08:17 PM
really? you better wipe your shoes off before going inside...

i found it on another site.

JB
03-30-2012, 08:23 PM
You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...Oh, come on now, we all do that. Maybe not you but...


You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."You know that's true. Sits in that can all day bitching about nothing. Adding nothing to society. You have to agree.

Apache
03-30-2012, 08:23 PM
i found it on another site.

and no link... tsk tsk :cold:

hai
03-30-2012, 08:25 PM
and no link... tsk tsk :cold:

Just search for "you might be a conservative"

First site you see.

Apache
03-30-2012, 09:38 PM
Just search for "you might be a conservative"

First site you see.

and no link... tsk tsk

hai
03-30-2012, 09:41 PM
and no link... tsk tsk

http://meyerweb.com/other/humor/conservative.html

Zathras
03-31-2012, 01:18 AM
It's a copypasta

Copypasta? What kind of sauce do you serve with that, red or white?

hai
03-31-2012, 02:01 AM
Copypasta? What kind of sauce do you serve with that, red or white?

http://www.internetslang.com/COPYPASTA-meaning-definition.asp

Looks like you fail at the slang used on the internet.:biggrin-new:

Retread
03-31-2012, 05:47 PM
http://www.internetslang.com/COPYPASTA-meaning-definition.asp

Looks like you fail at the slang used on the internet.:biggrin-new:

Looks like you just FAIL!

Zathras
03-31-2012, 06:04 PM
http://www.internetslang.com/COPYPASTA-meaning-definition.asp

Looks like you fail at the slang used on the internet.:biggrin-new:

And it looks like you fail at proper english usage and a sense of humor...and at pretty much everything else in life as well.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/HeroesAtWork/demotivational-poster-lion-facepaw.jpg

hai
03-31-2012, 09:20 PM
And it looks like you fail at proper english usage and a sense of humor...and at pretty much everything else in life as well.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/HeroesAtWork/demotivational-poster-lion-facepaw.jpg

Dude,i don't fail. I just came back from a Scottish Festival in my state.

Rockntractor
03-31-2012, 09:23 PM
Dude,i don't fail. I just came back from a Scottish Festival in my state.

Did you have a good time?

hai
03-31-2012, 09:24 PM
Did you have a good time?

Yeah,heard some bagpipes and such and saw SCA putting on a demo at the festival.

Rockntractor
03-31-2012, 09:41 PM
Yeah,heard some bagpipes and such and saw SCA putting on a demo at the festival.

Cool! It's fun to go out and do things like that once ans awhile.

Zathras
04-01-2012, 01:21 AM
Dude,i don't fail.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37OWL7AzvHo

hai
04-01-2012, 02:42 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37OWL7AzvHo

Well,like dude i went to a Scottish festival today.

Odysseus
04-01-2012, 10:49 AM
i found it on another site.

Yeah, we get that. It doesn't make it funny.



You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two." Nobody does that. Not conservatives, not liberals, not even IRS employees.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. No conservative argues that poverty could be abolished (that's a liberal conceit), and when we discuss minimum wage laws, it's in the context of how they suppress employment to entry-level jobs by raising the price beyond what most employers can afford for the work required. Thus, minimum wage laws hurt those people who would benefit the most from establishing a work history, such as the urban poor.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" No, that's another liberal conceit. You're the ones who are obsessed with race. We argue for a color-blind society in which everyone is equal before the law.
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. As opposed to arguing that he was a Marxist?
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. I'll give you that one, but I'd like to hear you explain why innocent life should be terminated in the womb, but murderers shouldn't be executed.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie. Do you even know who Huey Newton is? Most of us do, and he was no cookie.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. Oh, I don't know about that. We tend to be pretty funny. It's liberals who can't take a joke.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. Hmmm... So on the one hand, we're rednecks, but on the other, we're white collar? Doesn't that contradiction set off any alarm bells?
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." No, but OWS does.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. That is true. Liberals never refer to the moral fiber of anything.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." Bill Ayers is a conservative? Who knew?
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." Nope. My degree is not in business.
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." So, if your first association with Marx is "Karl", that makes you a liberal? Did you really want to expose that little secret?
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. No, the big-bore rifle is for bears. The handguns are for when guys like you attack us in the street.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. Yeah, that old conservative, LBJ, really did a great job there.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. I remember him. He sucked.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." So, why does he live in a trash can and what does he contribute to society?



These were just the ones that I felt like swinging at, but there's a lot of fail there. I don't expect you to answer any of them, but you really ought to get out more. See if your parents will unlock the basement some time.

CueSi
04-01-2012, 12:33 PM
In order for that to have even a little of humor value, you need references that are a little more contemporary. Some of those were relevant when the Grand Canyon was still a ditch! :smile-new:

Actually what makes it funny is how untrue it is. At least for me, anyhow. Yes, hai, it so nailed the fuck what I am. </sarcasm>

And about Bob Dylan... Neighborhood Bully (http://www.wejew.com/media/8717/Neighborhood_Bully/). That is all.

~QC

hai
04-01-2012, 02:50 PM
Yeah, we get that. It doesn't make it funny.



You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two." Nobody does that. Not conservatives, not liberals, not even IRS employees.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. No conservative argues that poverty could be abolished (that's a liberal conceit), and when we discuss minimum wage laws, it's in the context of how they suppress employment to entry-level jobs by raising the price beyond what most employers can afford for the work required. Thus, minimum wage laws hurt those people who would benefit the most from establishing a work history, such as the urban poor.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" No, that's another liberal conceit. You're the ones who are obsessed with race. We argue for a color-blind society in which everyone is equal before the law.
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. As opposed to arguing that he was a Marxist?
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. I'll give you that one, but I'd like to hear you explain why innocent life should be terminated in the womb, but murderers shouldn't be executed.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie. Do you even know who Huey Newton is? Most of us do, and he was no cookie.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. Oh, I don't know about that. We tend to be pretty funny. It's liberals who can't take a joke.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. Hmmm... So on the one hand, we're rednecks, but on the other, we're white collar? Doesn't that contradiction set off any alarm bells?
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." No, but OWS does.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. That is true. Liberals never refer to the moral fiber of anything.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." Bill Ayers is a conservative? Who knew?
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." Nope. My degree is not in business.
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." So, if your first association with Marx is "Karl", that makes you a liberal? Did you really want to expose that little secret?
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. No, the big-bore rifle is for bears. The handguns are for when guys like you attack us in the street.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. Yeah, that old conservative, LBJ, really did a great job there.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. I remember him. He sucked.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." So, why does he live in a trash can and what does he contribute to society?



These were just the ones that I felt like swinging at, but there's a lot of fail there. I don't expect you to answer any of them, but you really ought to get out more. See if your parents will unlock the basement some time.

Like dude,i was a copy and paste.

Retread
04-01-2012, 03:54 PM
Like dude,i was a copy and paste.

So, to you, it was funny or you would not have posted it. I do believe it would be funnier for you to look in the mirror.

Odysseus
04-01-2012, 06:49 PM
Like dude,i was a copy and paste.

Like, dude, you paste it, you own it.

Look, I get that your synapses aren't firing the way that the rest of ours are, but you really have to try to take some responsibility for what you do here. If you didn't think that it was clever, witty or true, why post it?

Zathras
04-01-2012, 06:55 PM
Like dude,i was a copy and paste.

You really need to follow your own advice Hai....


Humor must contain a grain of truth,this is a whooping ,FAIL!

As for you not failing? The above quote, from you, proves that to be an absolute lie.

Zathras
04-01-2012, 06:56 PM
Well,like dude i went to a Scottish festival today.

And what exactly does that have to do with the topic in this thread?