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Retread
07-23-2012, 11:00 PM
The French, German, and Hungarian fencers are arguing over who is the best in their sport.

The Frenchman pulls out his foil: “I will show you all!” He targets a fly buzzing around, and with one swipe of his blade, the fly falls to the ground, cut neatly in half. The German smiles. He locates another fly, and with two swipes, it falls to the ground, its wings neatly removed. Now it’s the Hungarian’s turn. Lifting his foil, he takes three swipes at a fly, which flutters off, undisturbed. The others laugh, but the Hungarian holds up his hands. “That fly,” he says, “will never procreate again.”


"Curling is not a sport."

“I called my grandmother and told her she could win a gold medal because they have dusting in the Olympics now.”—Charles Barkley


"I have a problem with that silver medal."

“It’s like, 'Congratulations, you almost won. Of all the losers, you’re the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'”—Jerry Seinfeld


While walking through the Olympic Village...

...A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?” “No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”


“Here’s a good trick:”

“Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn’t see it and go, 'OK, is everybody ready to start now?'”—Jack Handey


The final round of the hammer throw event comes down to:

A Russian soldier, a Bulgarian farmer, and Larry, who lives with his parents. The Russian throws first: 85 meters. Interviewed later, he says, “I’m from a military family, which gives me discipline.” Then the Bulgarian throws: 88 meters. He tells reporters, “I’m from a farming family. This gives me strength.” It’s Larry’s turn. He slings the hammer 95 meters, winning gold! Later, he explains, “I’m from a long line of lazy people, and I was taught, ‘If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far away as you can.’”


Q: How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A: You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.


The Cuban boxer is taking a beating when the bell rings.

As he staggers to his corner, his coach whispers, “Let him hit you with the left. Your face is crooked.”


"The Olympics would be better if every athlete carried a sword."

“If competitors had sharpened blades, equestrian events would at least be watchable, and gymnastics would require a lot more strategy.”—Robert Weintraub on slate.com


Credit Readers Digest (http://www.rd.com/slideshows/short-jokes-about-the-olympics/)

Wayne
07-24-2012, 06:23 AM
http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff84/wayne66_01/cartoons/MIEABE1.gif

newshutr
07-24-2012, 08:19 AM
In the 200m women's breaststroke finals, the USA was first in a field of eight, the Germans second and the Australian third. They finished all under 1 minute 24 seconds. The last place finisher was the woman from Poland who finished in 32 minutes, 13 seconds.

The Polish swimmer jumped out of the pool furious and started screaming to the judges, "They all cheated!!! They used their hands..!!!!"

Retread
07-24-2012, 08:22 PM
In the 200m women's breaststroke finals, the USA was first in a field of eight, the Germans second and the Australian third. They finished all under 1 minute 24 seconds. The last place finisher was the woman from Poland who finished in 32 minutes, 13 seconds.

The Polish swimmer jumped out of the pool furious and started screaming to the judges, "They all cheated!!! They used their hands..!!!!"

Well.... she's right, they did.