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02-02-2016, 10:53 AM
Al Qaeda Magazine ‘Inspire’ Publishes First Swimsuit Issue
By Mark Donahue

Thedailyrash.comYEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit issue had created such a buzz with jihadists around the globe that the website crashed several times from the overwhelming number of visitors.

“We’ve been swamped with thousands of emails from militants around the world,” Larry gushed. “Men in caves with Internet access are going crazy looking at our swimsuit models. In just a few days we’ve already received enough donations to purchase ad space on the Huffington Post. It’s a very exciting time. There’s a feeling in the air of impending bloodshed and carnage. It’s beautiful. Praise Allah.”

Thedailyrash.com Larry went on to predict the swimsuit edition of Inspire would encourage a tsunami sized wave of eager new insurgents.

“We have no doubt our swimsuit issue will succeed in attracting new recruits, young and old, chomping at the bit to slaughter non-believing women and children around the world. Nothing stimulates a man to maim and kill like the allure of a beautiful woman. Our magazine’s readers are very excited to gaze at our lovely swimsuit models in-between enjoying articles on decapitation and disemboweling techniques. And our upcoming pocket sized swimsuit calender will help to arouse a jihadists’ cravings before annihilating a busload of school children or beheading elderly nursing home residents.”

The star of Inspire’s swimsuit issue is a woman who goes by the name Crimson Rainbow. Inspire writes that she’s the sister of a jihadist who lives in a cave in the mountains of Afghanistan. The stunning model says she took her name from a story her father read to her as a child about a girl named Crimson Rainbow who honored her family by blowing herself up on a Carnival Cruise ship, spraying the severed limbs of the slaughtered non-believing passengers into the ocean. Crimson’s stunning beauty has already garnered offers from top modeling agencies around the world. And according to her publicist, Charlie Sheen has been sending Crimson late night text messages of a romantic nature.