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10-08-2016, 10:28 PM
Individual quotes taken from employee performance evaluations:

Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.

It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

One neuron short of a Synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

The wheel is still turning, but the hamster is dead.