PDA

View Full Version : Sunday morning



Retread
11-27-2016, 12:43 PM
The church service was underway, and they passed around the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100 bill in the plate, he was so surprised that he stopped the service and asked, “Will whoever put the $100 bill in the plate, please stand up?”

A young attractive woman in the congregation stood up. The preacher told her, “I am so impressed that you would donate such a large sum. Since you put that money in the plate, I think it is only fair that you should choose three hymns.”

Excitedly, the woman looked around, and said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him.”

Retread
12-04-2016, 04:51 PM
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in various quantity packs."

"I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 100 pack," the young man said smugly.

He makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Retread
01-08-2017, 07:05 PM
Three Religious Truths

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as their leader.

3. Baptist do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

ABC
01-08-2017, 09:04 PM
Three Religious Truths

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as their leader.

3. Baptist do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

Fie on you Retread! (Yes, an old English expression) :biggrin-new:

Was not going to post tonight ... intended to read only and get on with what I should be doing!

Just had to agree with #3 above. We do know of one Conservative couple that we see occasionally, at social functions up in Georgia that do indeed "imbibe of the grape!"

We do, but then again, we are Anglicans! :an:

Retread
01-08-2017, 11:20 PM
Being a back pew, back-sliding Baptist, I got a bucket of these.


A woman was doing an experiment and invited a Roman Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, and a Baptist pastor over for dessert and served them watermelon balls infused with vodka. The Roman Catholic took one bite and smiled, and slowly and methodically ate the rest. And the Methodist took one bite and gobbled it up and asked for second. The Baptist took one bite, put the spoon down, and started putting the seeds in his pocket.

ABC
01-09-2017, 08:44 PM
Being a back pew, back-sliding Baptist, I got a bucket of these.


A woman was doing an experiment and invited a Roman Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, and a Baptist pastor over for dessert and served them watermelon balls infused with vodka. The Roman Catholic took one bite and smiled, and slowly and methodically ate the rest. And the Methodist took one bite and gobbled it up and asked for second. The Baptist took one bite, put the spoon down, and started putting the seeds in his pocket.

Ha! Ha!