View Full Version : A Few Phunnies

02-11-2017, 12:21 AM
I'm really enjoying my lasso classes, even though I got roped into it.

What do you call a ghost's mother and father? Transparents!

Why don't people live in toadstools? Cause there isn't mushroom.

What's a metaphor? For cows to graze on.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved

If you want to know how many bees Noah hadÖ check the Ark Hives

02-23-2017, 09:57 PM
The road to ADHD is paved with bad attentions.

My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons. She was pretty ugly anyway.

If I were a superhero, I'd want to be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.

03-13-2017, 05:57 PM
My too wise for her years youngest just came into the room and asked "What do you get when you cross a joke with a rethorical question?"

03-13-2017, 05:59 PM
I'm very much in favor of farming.

In fact, you could call me


03-14-2017, 10:46 PM
- a violinist's daughter, but when she took off her G-string all the boys fiddled.

- an undertaker's daughter, but any guy cadaver.

- a photographer's daughter, but she was really well developed.

- a surgeon's daughter, but she knew how to operate.

- a blacksmith's daughter, but she knew how to forge ahead.

- a baseball pitcher's daughter, but you should have seen her curves.

- a minister's daughter, but I wouldn't put anything pastor.

- a meteorologist's daughter, but she had a warm front.

03-19-2017, 06:40 PM
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, itíll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A backward poet writes inverse.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Donít join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

04-07-2017, 11:41 PM
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O'Shea

I don't like snakes, mainly because they have no feet....

I must be lack-toes intolerant.

I've developed a phobia of elevators

...I'm taking steps to avoid them.

04-09-2017, 10:44 AM
A Houston architect was sentenced to time in the Huntsville unit.

After serving a short time and taking a few laps around the yard, he complained that the walls weren't built to scale.

04-15-2017, 10:05 AM
I used to be great at wordplay-

Once a pun a time

04-19-2017, 11:15 AM
Nephew didn't finish his paper on Appomattox.

He was hoping the prof would Grant him some Lee way.

05-26-2017, 09:19 AM
I used to be great at wordplay ó once a pun a time.

05-26-2017, 09:48 AM

05-27-2017, 10:19 AM
If you read a classic love story on your e-book reader for a second and third time , are you rekindling an old romance?

06-07-2017, 04:02 PM
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.