View Full Version : Bitcoin and Porn Cause Global Warming’, Environmentalists Warn

12-17-2017, 04:42 PM
Environmentalists have discovered the two new things most likely to turn the planet into a molten orb of glowing red climate death.

By awful coincidence, they happen to be the same two things that men enjoy doing perhaps more than anything in the world (at least when their wives or girlfriends aren’t looking.)

a) making vast sums of money out of exceedingly risky and speculative cryptocurrency trading when all the experts are saying it’s like 17th century Dutch Tulipmania, only with rocket boosters and sprinkled with essence of Enron, Sub-Prime Mortgages and the South Sea Bubble.


b) looking at screen pictures of purty, naked ladies and re-enacting the scene in South Park where the internet is banned and Randy breaks into the trailer housing the very last computer console still connected to Pornhub…

Yep. They’re not joking. Bitcoin and porn are the two latest things which, experts tell us, are causing “global warming”.

First, porn. According to this groundbreaking investigation in The Atlantic, pornography is causing even more danger to the planet than it did in the days when it simply involved cutting down forests to make glossy paper for dirty magazines.

Now, Bitcoin. This, we now learn from experts, is the other terrible thing which is causing global warming.

The site Digiconomist, which conducted a major survey of the energy use of bitcoin, found that one mine in China was using as much energy as a Boeing 747 to try and generate more of the increasingly valuable cryptocurrency.

According to some calculations, the process of mining Bitcoin now consumes more electricity than 159 countries, including Ireland and most countries in Africa.

If Bitcoin miners were a country they’d rank 61st in the world in terms of electricity consumption.


12-17-2017, 04:57 PM

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