A young girl and her father are looking at a nursery full of newborn babies. All of them are crying.
Girl: Are they hungry?
Dad: No…They just found out they’ll have to pay for the stimulus bill.
The economy of Greece is in Ruins……….but hasn’t it always been?
Senator Christopher Dodd says that Wall Street is detached from the “real economy”. Considering this economy, isn’t that kind of a good thing?
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has announced he is willing to serve another term. Bernanke said, “Where else would I get a job in this economy?”
A Nevada brothel won approval for the first prostitute to start working. In related news, state officials project that within a week they’ll have the lowest male unemployment rate in the U.S.
I don’t know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer’s market.
The good news is that, last year, the F.B.I. reported a 20% decrease in the number of people robbing banks.
The bad news is that there was a 100% increase in the number of banks robbing people.
Michelle and Sasha Obama vacationed at an exclusive Spanish resort, while Washington, D.C.’s unemployment rate is ten percent. They did so on the advice of their public relations firm, Lohan & Gibson.
Hey, look, I don’t want to say the stock market is unstable, but this morning, the opening bell was rung by Paula Abdul.
The Dow is dropping so frequently they have decided to just add an ‘n’ to the end of it
The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart
The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial up
The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to “Maybe We Can!”
The economy’s so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen
The economy is so bad, that I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank
The economy is so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
The economy is so bad, the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates
The economy is so bad, a certain celebutante changed her name to “Paris Holiday Inn.”
McDonalds just added another item to its $1 value menu… Citigroup stock
What is the difference between Iceland and Ireland?… One letter and about six months.
A Wall Street trader is leaning out the window one afternoon watching the traffic go by. He accidentally falls, plunging four floors.
As he lies on the sidewalk, a very pretty women comes up to him and asks: “How are you doing?
He looks at her and says: “I make about six figures.”
There is a new income tax form.
The first line says: How much did you make last year?
The second line says: How much do you have left?
The third line says: Send it to us.
NASA Probe Reveals Likely Presence of Pond Scum on Mars’ Surface.
Will Next Search for Presence of Goldman Sachs Traders.
A man calls his broker, who tells him that he’s got a hot new stock pick.
“Buy it, buy it,” the man says.
The next day he calls the broker for an update – the stock is up 5%
“Buy it, buy it,” the man says.
The next day he calls the broker again, and the stock is up another 5%.
“Buy some more, buy some more,” the man says.
He calls the broker again the next day, who tells him the stock is up 10%.
“Sell it, sell it,” the man says.
The broker says: “To who?”
Before those financial hearings in Washington started, everyone had to go through security. When Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfine was made to empty his pockets…lots of US senators fell out.
Madoff behind bars: Day One
Prison roommate: Lemme get this straight, I give you one cigarette and next week you give me ten?!!
Madoff: It’s that simple