You might be oilfield trash checklist...skip if you don't like politically incorrect humor

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

You list your parole officer as a reference.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.

You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat."

Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

People hear your car long before they see it.

Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

Your best shoes have steel toes.

You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.

You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.

Your back porch is bigger than your house.

There is more oil in your cap than in your car.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."

You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You bring your dog to work with you.

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

Your masseuse uses lard.

You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You."

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front.

You've worked on a rig day and night in all sorts of weather and have never complained or bragged about it!