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  1. #1 Humor is Healthy (quarantined) 
    Senior Member mrclose's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
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    322
    Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
    The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

    I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
    Now I turn it like Iím cracking a safe.

    I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

    Still havenít decided where to go for Easter -óó The Living Room or The Bedroom

    Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
    Pajamas will have you believe all is well.

    Homeschooling is going well.
    2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

    I donít think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks weíd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

    This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

    Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.
    You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
    I have no clue how this place is still in business.

    My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

    Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

    Iím so excited -ó itís time to take out the garbage.
    What should I wear?

    Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

    Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said ďI hope I donít have the same teacher next yearĒ.

    Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under!!!!!!!!!!
    "When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead."

    "It is difficult only for the others."

    "It is the same when you are stupid."


    ~ Anonymous ~
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  2. #2  
    Senior Ape Articulate_Ape's Avatar
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    8,740
    I've washed my hands so many times I must have taken several layers of dirt off of my hands. Do you know I came down to a pair of mittens I'd been missing for about three years.
    If you can read this thank a teacher. If you're reading this in English thank a soldier​.
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member Tecate's Avatar
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    Apr 2010
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    Austin, Texas
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    2,931
    Kentucky Fried Chicken is no longer finger lickiní good.
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I came to Texas as soon as I could
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    18,954
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #5  
    Senior Member Dlr Pyro's Avatar
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    Apr 2014
    Location
    So. Cal
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    6,968
    somebody desperately needs to get back to work.
    "Even if Trump didn't pay Russian hookers to pee on one another to defile a bed the Obamas once slept on it sounds like something he would do and that's all that matters." DemocratSinceBirth, Wed Jan 11, 2017, 09:32 AM

    "Enemy. The word you are looking for is enemy. When the ideals of someone are antithetical to yours, you can say the word "enemy". DUmmy ret5hd Fri Aug 24, 2018, 05:10 PM
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