Translation: Dear Penthouse Forum, I never believed those letters of yours, but this really happened to me. I'm a bait shop employee with two masters' degrees and twenty years of experience with multinational corporations, and hung like a horse...flamin lib (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-17-09 04:47 PM
True story, I swear. Telling inspired by the trailer for Gran Torino. That stuff really happens.
Advertisements [?]I work the graveyard shift at a convenience store/bait shop. Not exactly where I thought I’d be at 61 with two master’s degrees and 20 years negotiating $ multi-million deals with international companies but life’s what it is. The managers like to hire us “mature” people because they, too, are mature and besides, we’re real reliable compared to gen Y.
Translation: He's an outcast, but it's okay to dislike him because he's a male, and probably white. I, on the other hand, am respected, nay, loved, by my baitshop cronies, who are all prodigiously endowed, both intellectually and physically...There’s one kid who got his job because his father stocks the snack shelf and does a great job for the store. He’s 18, just out of high school and absolutely worthless. Really, not my imagination. Unkempt, overweight, sits on his butt all day, crude beyond any socially acceptable measure and is even surly with the customers. Nobody likes the kid.
Translation: The sexual tension between us was intense. It was clear that, even though I was old enough to be his grandfather, this teenager wanted my body...For some reason he singled me out to elicit outrage. He shows me the worst sort of porn stored on his cell phone and makes really over-the-top commentary whenever I’m around, usually involving sexual contact between us. Not that any one else is spared, mind you.
Translation: He kicked sand in my face, just like in the Charles Atlas ads in the comic books that I read for my master's thesis on "Wolverine as a paradigm of the white male's alienation in the age of Reagan."During the overlap between his shift and mine he was sitting on a barstool next to the cash register. Apropos of nothing he says to me, “Picture my balls in your mouth.” It took about 5 seconds to sink in. I reply, “Picture my foot in your face.”
Translation: I demonstrated my manhood and the lad was taken aback. I could almost see the huge text over my head, reading "Hero of the beach!"“Naaa, can’t happen,” was the response.
I took two steps, threw a front kick that fell a foot short of his face followed by a basic punch that ended just short of his nose. Now, it wasn’t a pretty kick and my form was nothing to be proud of, what with not practicing Ti Quan Do for more than thirty years but all he could see was the sole of my cross trainer followed by my fist hovering an inch from his face. Without saying a word I stepped backward to where I was. After that we didn’t speak and he was even subdued with the rest of the staff.
Translation: I was later approached by a female co-worker. She also has two masters' degrees, one in tantric practices, another in advanced yoga positions for the overly endowed woman, and a body that just won't quit...A month or so later a co-worker, a retired woman who works just to maintain social contact, asked if the stories were true, did I really threaten to kick Casey in the face. Well, yeah, I said. Lucky I didn’t actually do it ‘cause I’d go to jail and he’d go to the emergency room. Besides, it cost me.
Translation: She was truly grateful and her desire was obvious. She felt my bicep and said that I was a real man after all...“Cost you how? Did he file charges?”
“No, pulled a hamstring and walked with a limp for two weeks. As long as he wasn’t around anyway.”
“Well, I’m glad somebody showed him that old people can stand up for themselves. Wish you woulda’ connected. Would serve him right.”
Translation: Especially geriatric bait shop employees with an encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture references and two masters' degrees.Casey and I did speak just before he got fired for giving himself a raise out of the cash register. He asked if I really would have kicked him. All I said was that you shouldn’t mess with people you don’t know because you don’t know who they are, what they’ve done or what they’re capable of.
Translation: I'm lying through my teeth. Pity me.This is a true story, I swear. Just thought I'd share.
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