zulchzulu (1000+ posts)
I Got Pushed By Sara Palin While Pouring Coffee On A Non-existant Freeper!!11111
So I was pouring coffee on this nonexistent FREEPER who lives in my Obama Under-roos and has been telling me to light fires and pointing out how attractive my neighbor's Toy Poodle is (I know he's a FREEPER even though he pretends to be this cute hippy Leprechaun) when Sara Palin came up and pushed me into this Clinton Thug Hillbot who jumped out of the bushes!
I knew it was Sarah Palin because she was dressed like a typical Rethug Slut and she had a "Palin 08" sticker on her bumper!
I turned around and started to beat the hell out of her hoping to make her crap her pants when the HILLBOT who jumped out of the bushes (Mercifull Hera I hate even USING that word!!11) suddenly told us we had to move much further than where we stood, which was 100 yards from the deli where I was getting my therapeutic 2 pound organic raspberry and tofu vegan tartlet. It was wearing one of these fucking blue blazers and the asshole looked at the big peace sign I had tattooed on my forehead with jail ink when there was that mix-up with my penis and that chick who looked like she was 20 and chortled that it liked "peace". The Hillbot was trying to appease me and said that Hillary is "for kids". I pointed out that Obama had won and that Hillary ate babies regularly. It was stumped and robotically said that Hillary "cares about kids".
Then it clanked off and started melting trash cans with it's evil Centrist Democrat Death Beam Rays!
So, Palin comes after me and she has somehow morphed into this 70ish year old lady wearing stretchy yellow bingo pants and now has some Old Freeper with her who I notice is trying to peel off the "My Soul For Obama" Tattoo on my forearm!!!!11111 The guy was in his late-sixties with the usual accouterments an older vintage Freeper dumbass would wear...polyester pants and a too-tight shirt with a big beer gut, Vitalis hair slicked back, cigarette-stained teeth and the vibes of an angry old man. I yelled "What the FUCK are you doing, asshole!" loudly and scared the crap out of him. I grabbed his arm and told him we're going to the front office to report him and Sarah Palin for violating my rights under the Patriot Act!!!!!1111111
They pleaded with me that they had no fucking clue what was going on and called me things like "Fuckin Loonball" and "Dumbass" and offered to pay in cash if I would stop screaming and spraying them with crazy spit as long as it's under $100. I just laughed!
I mean here I am dedicating time to sending a message of peace to the appeasers of the warmongers and just trying to drown the Fundie Rethug Leprechaun that lives in my underware with hot coffee before he makes me do the bad thing again and I get some old drunk woman claiming she isn't Sarah Palin and her old Freeper husband trying to tear off my OBAMA skin art and harshing my organic tartlet mellow!!!!11111
So I ripped my Captain Caveman backpack off and started hitting these two old fucks MERCILESSLY screaming the whole time "US OUT OF MY UTERUS!!!!" and they run screaming and crying and I notice they both crapped their pants. A policeman who had seen the whole thing jumped out of some other bushes (Gaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! The rethug neocon Nazi fucks RUINED that shrubbery term!!111) and took a couple of shots at them but they got away in a black Haliburton SUV. When they left a dog jumped out of a trash can and stopped barking.
Then everybody there high fived me and we laughed and laughed before posting a poll about it and asking if I deserved a Nobel or the Medal Of Honor and it was the best day ever. The End.