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  1. #1 Hey World! I'm too stupid to use a frigging can opener! 
    TANSTAAFL. asdf2231's Avatar
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    underpants (1000+ posts) Mon Feb-23-09 08:07 AM
    Original message
    BAD NEWS this morning- no pineapples for my daughter for breakfast
    We have one of those "top end" can openers-it takes off the top so there is no jagged edge
    and my wife hasn't shown me how to work it

    I tried to figure it out yesterday (on both sides of the can) no luck

    This is no surprise, it took me two weeks to figure out how my sunglasses worked
    Running/biking shades with vents at the top for body heat (highly recommended) and I could figure out how to change out the lenses
    turns out the instructions were in the carrying case
    :eek:

    suninvited (1000+ posts) Mon Feb-23-09 08:25 AM
    Response to Original message
    2. Just attach it to the top of the can
    and push the button. It will start on its own. When it stops, remove it.
    underpants (1000+ posts) Mon Feb-23-09 08:41 AM
    Response to Reply #2
    4. Now this isn't one of those Gizmo thingies
    we have one of those somewhere in the house-never hooked it up

    this is a hand crank dealie but I can't figure out how to make it do the actual can OPENING
    HopeHoops (1000+ posts) Mon Feb-23-09 08:38 AM
    Response to Original message
    3. Get the Dole pineapple chunks in the plastic jar with the lid
    It has the same peel-off plastic seal that the snack cups use and keeps them sealed up with a screw on lid. Bonus: no can opener problems!
    Note for the record that there were no "Sarcasm" tags on this post. It was offered as genuinely helpful advice. :D
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  2. #2  
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    We had one that my husband () picked out, which went along the side of the can instead of the top, and supposedly prevented sharp edges. It certainly did, because I could not attach it in a way that produced ANY edges. He bought a regular one when he couldn't find the fancy new one, which I had thrown away several days earlier.
    "Today, [the American voter] chooses his rulers as he buys bootleg whiskey, never knowing precisely what he is getting, only certain that it is not what it pretends to be." - H.L. Mencken
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  3. #3  
    Unless you had a disability of some sort, why would you use an electric can opener? It takes like 5 seconds or less to open any can.
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  4. #4  
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    Sorry, but I think this line:
    This is no surprise, it took me two weeks to figure out how my sunglasses worked
    really takes the cake.

    Yes, I understand what he was saying in context, but I figured I would play by DU's rules and take everything out of context.

    underpants obviously has a lower IQ than a jar of mayonaise.
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  5. #5  
    Senior Member Moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by linda22003 View Post
    We had one that my husband () picked out, which went along the side of the can instead of the top, and supposedly prevented sharp edges. It certainly did, because I could not attach it in a way that produced ANY edges. He bought a regular one when he couldn't find the fancy new one, which I had thrown away several days earlier.
    Best laugh of the day! :D
    Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

    --Albert Einstein
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  6. #6  
    Senior Member Moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by biccat View Post
    Sorry, but I think this line:

    really takes the cake.

    Yes, I understand what he was saying in context, but I figured I would play by DU's rules and take everything out of context.

    underpants obviously has a lower IQ than a jar of mayonaise.
    Maybe so, but I bet he can't open that either.
    Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

    --Albert Einstein
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  7. #7  
    CU's Tallest Midget! PoliCon's Avatar
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    Okay - who here is HONESTLY surprised that someone from DU has trouble figuring out the most basic concepts and things? Anyone?? Is anyone at all surprised that a DUmmy has trouble understanding basic concepts and tools?
    Stand up for what is right, even if you have to stand alone.
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  8. #8  
    Senior Member AlmostThere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    Unless you had a disability of some sort, why would you use an electric can opener? It takes like 5 seconds or less to open any can.
    An electric can-opener costs, what, $10, $15, maybe $20. A hand crank costs a couple bucks, tops. Aren't these the folks who try to outdo each other on how bad off they have it?
    Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
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  9. #9  
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    HopeHoops (1000+ posts) Mon Feb-23-09 08:38 AM
    Response to Original message
    3. Get the Dole pineapple chunks in the plastic jar with the lid
    It has the same peel-off plastic seal that the snack cups use and keeps them sealed up with a screw on lid. Bonus: no can opener problems


    Heaven forbid! Won't these plastic containers just collect in our trash dumps for thousands of years and eventually find their way to the ocean where they'll choke baby seals?
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  10. #10  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moon View Post
    Best laugh of the day! :D
    Hey, have you ever tried one of those? They're awful. The standard hand-crank kind is just fine, especially the OXO brand with the comfortable handles. My husband had no trouble with going back to the old kind, he said the new side opener was "too noisy" (meaning, I yapped a lot about it).
    "Today, [the American voter] chooses his rulers as he buys bootleg whiskey, never knowing precisely what he is getting, only certain that it is not what it pretends to be." - H.L. Mencken
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