How to be a Progressive/Democrat in 3 easy steps!

When I was little I read a funny cartoon in Mad magazine that showed the Ted Nugent School of Rock Guitar (if memory serves) which read something like this:

First learn 3 chords. These were all just placing a finger straight across the neck, in different places. (With standard tuning, that would sound pretty God awful, but it is possible to tune a guitar so that the 6 strings form a major chord, and George Thorogood played this way in real life with his slide.) Now, the cartoon read, jump up on your bed, and play chord number 1. Jump up on your desk and play chord number 2! Finally leap onto the floor, spin around, and play chord number 3! You got it. You're in the club now.

It occurred to me that in this era of spending China's money faster than a Mexican drug dealer can cross the border, there are just 3 things really required to be a good Democrat.

1. Jump in front of a news camera, and say any sentence using the phrases "for the past 8 years" and "failed policy."

2. Mention that this economic crisis is the worst disaster since the Great Depression.

3. Reiterate that this in-the-tank economy was inherited.

Congratulations! You are now a Democrat.

Pre-election it was not quite so complicated. Democrats only needed to say that Bush lied, that Iraq was an unwinnable mess, and that Bush was the worst President in American history, and we needed a change. But with a new administration comes new learning challenges. It takes a great deal of faith to believe that you can spend $800 billion one day, and proclaim that we need fiscal responsibility the next, and then prepare to spend $500 billion more without blinking an eye.

The key is to just continue repeating steps 1, 2 and 3, and then just believe. A Democrat can then spend on anything he/she/trans ever dreamed of. Mention that Democrats are going to cut the inherited defecit in half, and then cut a deal for another billion with friends who gave generously to get you elected. It is really that easy. Be sure to reiterate that these are tough times, and that we are in the midst of a crisis, a great disaster unlike any since the Great Depression, and then just believe. You will be then able to spend more money than you'd ever dreamed possible, because it's the spending stupid! That IS the stimulus. And we have to stimulate the economy because of Bush's failed policy, which we've all endured now for the past 8 years.