I would like to offer, on behalf of Conservatives and Republicans everywhere, a heartfelt and honest apology for jumping to the conclusion that Gary Condit was a murderous, lying, philandering scumbag Democrat who killed Chandra Levy.
I guess a lot of us jumped to that conclusion because of the fact that he is a Democrat and you guys kind of have a tradition of electing murderous, lying, philandering scumbag Democrats and then lionizing them.
As it turns out Gary Condit has been vindicated by history.
He is not a murderous, lying, philandering scumbag Democrat.
He is merely a regular, plain old, lying, philandering scumbag Democrat.
And since we have all gotten used to those...
I offer our apologies for jumping to conclusions.