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  1. #1 Proctor and Gamble--An Actual Letter regarding their feminine products. 
    An Adversary of Linda #'s
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    This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
    Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
    rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
    choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
    and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
    or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
    dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
    in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
    revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
    to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
    you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
    in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
    the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
    starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
    violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
    will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
    'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
    quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
    monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
    bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
    swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
    it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
    Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
    a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
    Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
    crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
    reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
    painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
    opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
    were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

    Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
    middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
    happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
    above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
    you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'
    about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua
    and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
    local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
    your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
    moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
    something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
    'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
    immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
    chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
    certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
    brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
    Always. . .

    Best,
    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX
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  2. #2  
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    LOL! That was pretty funny. I especially liked how she listed some alternative messages that could be printed instead!
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  3. #3  
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    I like the remedy of "Motrin and Kahlua". :p
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  4. #4  
    Senior Member YupItsMe's Avatar
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    And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.
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  5. #5  
    An Adversary of Linda #'s
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    Quote Originally Posted by YupItsMe View Post
    And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.
    Now that will 'bring a tear to your eye' !
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  6. #6  
    Quote Originally Posted by linda22003 View Post
    I like the remedy of "Motrin and Kahlua". :p
    So do I. She must not be doing it right. I never feel the urge to bash someone with a hammer after enjoying Motrin and Kahlua. :)
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  7. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by YupItsMe View Post
    And yet she thinks she have the same pay and responsibility as a man when she's claiming she nearly insane for one week a month. Hey lady ever catch your sack in your zipper. cry me a river.
    One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.
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  8. #8  
    An Adversary of Linda #'s
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    Quote Originally Posted by biccat View Post
    One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.
    Get Read,Stand By !
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  9. #9  
    TANSTAAFL. asdf2231's Avatar
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    My daughter was having some issues a while back and I got her a bottle of Motrin at the grocery store.

    A while later I heard her muttering sharply in the kitchen and when I came in and asked if she was okay I saw her struggling to get the "Safety" cap off.

    She looked up at me and snarled, "Considering what it's for don't you think they would make the damn thing EASY to open?!?"

    That was the first time my teenager ever used anything remotely related to a curse word in front of me. I didn't even call her on it. Partly because she was right and partly because there was a rack of knives nect to her, lol!
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  10. #10  
    TANSTAAFL. asdf2231's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by biccat View Post
    One kick in the nuts is enough to cover a lifetime of monthly cramps. Women have it easy.
    Where's the popcorn eating smiley when you really need it? :p
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