Forkboy (1000+ posts) Thu Apr-02-09 10:28 PM
When/If you guys get really angry, how do you deal with it?
I'm a very even tempered person, but I still have a lot of anger inside me (over so many things, personally, politically, life in general-wise). I haven't lost my temper in at least ten years, but I did last night with my landlord.
Some background. I live in a three story place, in an attic room. My landlord lives below me, and below him is my best friend. My landlord is a piece of work, but for the most part harmless. However, he was one bad problem...he does crack. Now, that's his business and I'm not judging him for doing the crack. The problem arises from the people he has over to smoke it with him.
Because the landlord works a second shift his partying starts at around midnight and goes all night. Again, not a big problem, until they start fighting and breaking windows (7 windows gone in one year), plugging guitars into amps at 6 AM, and just generally being all around disrespectful to the fact that other people actually live in the building. If it was just loud music I really wouldn't care (even the guitar wouldn't bother me if he could actually play the fucker). But the house rattling fighting, yelling, screaming on the front lawn, door slamming ways are pretty annoying.
This last weekend he started partying Friday night and didn't stop until Monday afternoon (he skips work every Monday). I didn't care....until last night when he came upstairs after getting home from work to complain about my music. I try to be very respectful of when he gets home and I shut it down or switch to headphones. He's also told me repeatedly that my music didn't bother him regardless of time. Last night he came home about fifteen minutes earlier than usual, so my music was still going, and yes, it was very loud.
So here's the problem. He never cares about the noise he makes at all hours of the night (and trust me, many of you would shit to live here and see what they do sometimes). My best friend downstairs plays his music so loud that MY room shakes on the third floor....no complaints from the landlord on that, because my friend scares him (I'm sure after last night that I do too now). Not that I want him to complain to my friend, I want him to be consistent in his getting bothered by noise. I play music all the time, but I keep it low when he's home, or just use headphones. He hasn't once in the five years I've been here shown any kind of respect back...just the opposite. Both my friend and I have spoken to him about the fighting and slamming doors and shit, and he just says, "Well, I don't ask them to come over." Chickenshit response, or what?
So when he came up last night to complain about noise I lost it, and it took all I had not to beat the fuck out of him right then and there (instead I punched a hole in my door, breaking my right hand....again).
When I was in my late teens I really was pretty cocky and crazy (I guess not much has changed there), and fighting was a big part of my lifestyle. We set up fights for money, anything to get a good scrap going. When I was 21 I almost murdered someone. A guy raped my friend's little sister and I got to him first. I had every intention of killing him, and I came close before pulling myself back from the cliff. While I still feel the guy deserved to die, it bothered me so much that I had decided to be judge, jury and executioner that I had an almost epiphany-like moment. I decided that next day that I wasn't going to be like that ever again (that incident may the biggest single event to shape my politics and ideals for the future...I saw what I didn't want me to be).
So my problem today is realizing that even 20 years later I still have so much anger inside of me that I still apparently can't control myself. I spoke to my counselor today and he said it was a positive that I didn't actually do anything to my landlord, but putting your fist through doors doesn't seem much of a step up.
So now my anger is turning inwards on myself for how I was, and that means depression soon (already feeling it tonight). I don't want to be the person I was last night.
Anyways, this has been an incredibly long-winded way of going about asking how some of you deal with your anger issues, if you have any?