The late Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass) had requested that he be buried at sea. While such requests normally are honored, this one was vetoed by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).

The key sticking point was the Senators request that his “coffin” be a “1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88.” Those familiar with the Chappaquiddick incident may recognize this as the car that the Senator drove off a bridge in 1969 on the way to an extramarital tryst with a young campaign volunteer named Mary Jo Kopechne in the car with him.

Ms. Kopechne was trapped in the submerged car for several hours and died of suffocation while Senator Kennedy took steps trying to build a false alibi and conferring with lawyers and political advisors.

“Of course, it was the nation’s great loss when the Chappaquiddick incident was exploited by the Senator’s political opponents to deny him his presidential destiny.

And while granting this burial request would seem the least we could do for this outstanding American, we cannot permit the negative environmental impact that would result if it were carried out as presently conceived,” said EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson.

“Instead of contributing to polluting the ocean, we recommend that the Senator be ‘composted’ and returned to the soil as fertilize. That way he can go out on a high note.”