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  1. #1 I'm a Defective Parrot. 
    An Adversary of Linda #'s
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    Aug 2005
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    A Guy is Browsing in a Pet Shop
    and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'

    The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a Defective Parrot.'
    'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'

    'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'

    'Oh yeah?' the guy asks,'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'

    'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked,I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.You can't see it because of my feathers.'

    'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

    'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable
    competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.

    The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

    'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'

    The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor,he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

    One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS guy..'

    'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.

    'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at
    the door in a sheer black nightie.'

    'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

    'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

    NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'

    'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....'

    Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
    'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
    Last edited by megimoo; 12-02-2009 at 01:46 PM.
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  2. #2  
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    I saw the headline and assumed Megi was starting a confession thread.
    "Today, [the American voter] chooses his rulers as he buys bootleg whiskey, never knowing precisely what he is getting, only certain that it is not what it pretends to be." - H.L. Mencken
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  3. #3  
    LOL! Now this is exactly the kind of joke I find hysterically funny! :D
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  4. #4  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    LOL! Now this is exactly the kind of joke I find hysterically funny! :D
    Parrot peckers?
    "Today, [the American voter] chooses his rulers as he buys bootleg whiskey, never knowing precisely what he is getting, only certain that it is not what it pretends to be." - H.L. Mencken
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  5. #5  
    Quote Originally Posted by linda22003 View Post
    Parrot peckers?
    Story jokes.
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