DEA Agent Meets an Old Texas Rancher.

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs..”

The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish….. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your badge! Show him your BADGE!”
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Little TONY returns from school and says he got an ‘F’ in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father?
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,’” I said “6″, replies TONY.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me “How much is 3×2?’”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”

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One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.

First, she called! on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”

She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!’”
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