1. Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at
their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired
of going through life without an education. Tomorrow
I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up
for some classes.'

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets
Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic
classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a
weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater,
I think that you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard,
I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might
logically have a family.'

'Yes, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically
you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic
tells me you must be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out
all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and
leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes,
how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Doug says, 'What's that?'

Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Then you're a queer.

2. Okay, that was just wrong. Funny as heck but still wrong. I can't wait to tell about five people. :D

3. Uh, I think this version's better:

Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."
New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly."
Neighbor 1: "So, what is it you do for a living?"
New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning."
Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what's that?"
New Neighbor: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."
Neighbor 1: "That's right."
New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family."
Neighbor 1: "Right again."
New Neighbor: "Since you have a famly, I deduce that you have a wife."
Neighbor 1: "Correct."
New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual."
Neighbor 1: "Yup."
New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning."
Neighbor 1: "Cool."

Later that same day:

Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door."
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"
Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job."
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah, what does he do?"
Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University."
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"
Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
Neighbor 2: "No."
Neighbor 1: "Fag!"

:p

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