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  1. #1 Three Cowboys, a Pig, and a Monkey 
    Senior Ape Articulate_Ape's Avatar
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    Three down on their luck cowboys were loitering about one day when one of them noticed a poster advertising the county fair. Prominently posted on the bulletin was the announcement of the "Biggest Pig Contest" with a prize of $20,000.

    Well, the entrepreneurial spirit of the three cowboys was instantly stirred and they quickly devised a plan. They would pool their meager funds and purchase a pig. They would then place a cork in that pig's ass so it would not be able to shit, and then they would feed it as much as they could.

    The three did just that and by the time the county fair opened they had an enormous swine on their hands. They entered their behemoth into the contest and easily walked away with the prize money. Soon the three cowboys were drunk in celebration of their windfall. As they lounged about bellowing toasts to the giant pig one of them suddenly fell silent. When the other two asked him what was wrong he explained.

    "How're we gonna get the cork outta that pig's ass?" he said.

    Soon the three were brainstorming and an hour later they had devised a plan. They had seen an organ grinder at the fair that had a little monkey. Knowing that monkeys were clever and could be trained, the three cowboys endeavored to give up part of their winnings to purchase the critter. After some negotiation with the organ grinder and a reduction of $600 in their wealth, the three cowboys walked away with the monkey and began its training.

    They attached a whiskey bottle to a sawhorse and rewarded the monkey with peanuts every time the little creature removed the cork from it successfully. Within a day, they were ready to uncork the pig.

    They led the hog out into the middle of a pasture and hid themselves behind rocks and trees before releasing the monkey to do their dirty work. A few short moments later there was a huge explosion that sent pig shit and noxious gas in every direction. When the last of it finished raining from the sky the cowboys crept out of their hiding places. The pig was lying on its side and struggling to its feet at the far side of the pasture. The monkey was nowhere to be seen.

    "Did you see what happened?" asked one of the cowboys. "All I could see was shit."

    The second cowboy replied, "Same here. All I could see was shit flying everywhere."

    The two of them turned the inquiry to the third cowboy. Slapping his hat against a tree trunk to remove the pig shit from it he replied, "All I could see was that poor monkey trying to stick the cork back in that pig's ass."
    "Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for -- to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell 'em." ~ Will Rogers
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  2. #2  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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