We're in trouble.
The Three Stooges of the Apocalypse were summoned to Washington to explain how a known al Qaeda-trained savage with murder on his mind and explosives in his underpants came a whisker's breadth from bringing down a plane over Detroit.
And -- nyuk, nyuk, nyuk -- the doofuses and ski bunnies who are paid to keep you safe were left searching high and low for a morphine drip to ease the pain.I hope you love this one as much as I do. This is the word-for-word testimony of Director of National Intelligence Daniel Blair last Wednesday, as he performed a pretty fair impression of Britney Spears:
"Duh. You know . . . "
Blair was responding to a question by a member of the Senate Homeland Security Committee who asked why the crotch bomber was never interrogated. Rather, he was read his Miranda rights and allowed to lawyer up, shut up -- and get tucked into bed. We may never know what secrets the terrorist wannabe might have spilled."Frankly," Blair fumpfered, "we were thinking more of overseas people, and -- duh! You know" -- and at this point, the guy actually slapped himself in the forehead, like Curly.
"That's what we will do now."
Can these government bozo brains keep us safe?
Julie Menin doesn't think so. The chairwoman of Community Board 1, she's pushing for the sheik's trial to be held on nearby Governors Island, or somewhere else.
A reasonable compromise. But one that Police Commissioner Ray Kelly has all but rejected."It will cost over $200 million a year to secure the neighborhood," said Menin. "And what's going to happen to business in the neighborhood?
"Excellent question. But one the Washington jokers seem little concerned with as they scramble to cover their naked behinds. National security is such a toxic mess, your grade-schooler could easily crack the government computer codes that are supposed to protect us.
The second Stooge is Michael Leiter, the ski bum who directs the National Counterterrorism Center.
Leiter famously took off on a ski jaunt just hours after the crotch bomber was caught. And, yes, he still has a job.
He testified, shamefacedly, that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was able to slip onto a plane, even after his dad told authorities his boy was mixed up with terrorists, because some State Department genius spelled his name wrong.
Government databases, unlike ordinary Google programs, don't flag misspellings, he said. Happy schussing, Mr. Leiter!