For 38 years, Rice was a “Christ-haunted atheist,” she says in a recently posted “I Am Second” video. Her vampire novels were a reflection of her internal struggle living in the godless world she created.
The vampire, she says, is a metaphor for the outcast and the person who feels cut off from God.
Rice gained fame and wealth from her vampire novels, but internally she was increasingly dissatisfied with “the world in which salvation was not a possibility,” she shares.
“And the reason for the dissatisfaction was simple: I really believed in God,” she says in the video. “Not only did I believe in Him but I loved Him and I wasn’t admitting it.”
Rice grew up in a Catholic home as a child but rejected her faith when she was 18 to gain freedom and search for knowledge.
"I felt that there were so many things forbidden to me as a Christian … I felt a desperate need to be free,” she recalls.
In the “I Am Second” video, Rice says she was reminded again and again “that as long as you are denying God you will not know any rest. You will not know any peace.”
“You can’t save yourself through art. You can’t save yourself through music
. You can’t do it through travel. You can’t do it through wealth,” Rice shares. “All your attempts at saving and transcending through other means will ultimately fail. You save yourself or God saves you when you turn to Him.”
After nearly four decades of denying God, Rice says she was finally ready to surrender to Him. She returned to the Catholic Church in 1998.
“I surrendered the doubts,” she says. “Imperfectly and contrite, I went back.”
And returning to Christ has changed everything in her life. For one, she no longer feels she can work with the vampire metaphor.