Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1 Minding Other People's Manners: When and How Is It Okay? 
    Power CUer FlaGator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    The Swamps of N. Florida
    Posts
    22,317
    I have a friend that has a problem with publically correcting other people's grammar and other social faux pas'. We discussed the etiquette of it and I was searching the internet when I stumbled across this and thought that I would post it. The link is at the bottom but I've included the whole article. I direct this to no one in particular because I wouldn't want to be in the ironic position of correcting someone in public by using a story about the etiquette of correcting people in public. ;)

    Anyone who takes it upon him- or herself to correct the manners of others in public makes me nervous. It seems that people have taken to correcting the mistakes of others into their own hands. The question is: Why are so many people anxious to do this? Have things turned so ugly in our society that we feel it necessary to not only confront but also comment? Do we really feel that correcting others will improve their behavior?

    Manners aren't what they used to be, but pointing out someone's social errors is bad manners. Further, commenting on a person's minor gaffes, such as imperfect grammar, wrong word choices, or poor table manners crosses the politeness line and, frankly, shows a lack of social skills.
    When our mothers told us to mind our manners, I don't think they meant "and everyone else's manners as well!" Consider this quote from Emily Post: "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

    When is it all right to ask someone to change their behavior in public? If someone is talking so loudly on a cell phone or in a movie theatre that it is truly disturbing you, it is all right to politely ask that person to talk more quietly or turn off his or her phone. Last month, on board an Amtrak train, a woman seated in front of me was on her cell phone with the speaker on (she did not have a private sleeping car). The entire train car could hear dual conversations. I politely asked her to mute the call, which she did without hesitation or apology. Did I want to hand her my business card? You bet, but doing so would have been bad manners on my part. Now I use that situation as an example so others can learn from her mistake.

    But attempting to correct other kinds of public behavior is simply unwise. Would you confront a homeless person on the street whom you saw urinating in front of a storefront? What if you saw someone on the street screaming into his phone or at another person? While these things are offensive, they are best left to those who are trained to deal with them, as the reactions of some people can be dangerous.

    John D. Rockefeller said, "The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than any other under the sun." His words speak of tact and consideration. Hard as it may be for some, the ability to get along with others, to demonstrate good manners, and to make other people feel comfortable is how we behave in a polite society. What we say and how we say it speaks volumes and can heighten or dim an image in an instant!

    Tact, as defined by Webster's, means "accentuating the positive," especially when correcting the mistakes of employees. For instance, you might say: "There seems to be a discrepancy" rather than "You've made a big mistake!" In other words, try the pedagogical approach of asking someone to find his own errors rather than hitting him over the head with his mistakes. For example, "Have you checked out such and such?" or "I get a different conclusion or different numbers in the report than you do." Choosing courteous words will help you project your image as a pleasant and considerate person.

    The same goes for dealing with people you don't know in public. Not only are you more likely to get a good result if you treat others politely, you will avoid being chastised (or worse, verbally attacked) by them for your remarks.

    Our first President's book on public manners stands the test of time. George Washington's book entitled Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior In Company and Conversation discusses how to treat others in social relations and practice self-control. Three rules stand out:

    1. No. 49: Use no reproachful language against anyone; neither curse nor revile.

    2. No. 59: Never express anything unbecoming nor act against the rules moral before your inferiors.

    3. No. 81: Be not curious to know the affairs of others; never approach those that speak in private.

    Courteous behavior is not rocket science. Focus on those three magic phrases we learned as children and use them often: Please, may I, and thank you. In other words, think before you speak.
    Found it here

    I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
    C. S. Lewis
    Reply With Quote  
     

  2. #2  
    Senior Ape Articulate_Ape's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    NJ, Exit Only
    Posts
    7,967
    You used ellipses when you should have used colons. I'm just sayin'.
    "The efforts of the government alone will never be enough. In the end the people must choose and the people must help themselves" ~ JFK; from his famous inauguration speech (What Democrats sounded like before today's neo-Liberals hijacked that party)
    Reply With Quote  
     

  3. #3  
    Senior Betwixt Member Bubba Dawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    In my own private Alamo on The Mountain in Georgia
    Posts
    13,581
    Quote Originally Posted by Articulate_Ape View Post
    You used ellipses when you should have used colons. I'm just sayin'.
    Nice. :D
    Hey careful man! There's a beverage here!
    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #4  
    Power CUer FlaGator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    The Swamps of N. Florida
    Posts
    22,317
    Quote Originally Posted by Articulate_Ape View Post
    You used ellipses when you should have used colons. I'm just sayin'.
    I don't think I used either.

    I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
    C. S. Lewis
    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #5  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    oklahoma
    Posts
    42,276
    Isn't a colon an asshole?
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #6  
    Senior Betwixt Member Bubba Dawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    In my own private Alamo on The Mountain in Georgia
    Posts
    13,581
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockntractor View Post
    Isn't a colon an asshole?
    In most people. Poli is just a semi-colon though.
    Hey careful man! There's a beverage here!
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #7  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    oklahoma
    Posts
    42,276
    Quote Originally Posted by Bubba Dawg View Post
    In most people. Poli is just a semi-colon though.
    I get it, kind of a half assed asshole!:D
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #8  
    Senior Betwixt Member Bubba Dawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    In my own private Alamo on The Mountain in Georgia
    Posts
    13,581
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockntractor View Post
    I get it, kind of a half assed asshole!:D
    Not quite as full of s**t as some people. :D
    Hey careful man! There's a beverage here!
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #9  
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    11,970
    Quote Originally Posted by FlaGator View Post
    I have a friend that has a problem with publically correcting other people's grammar and other social faux pas'. [/URL]
    First off, this type of person could never be my friend. People that feel that they are intellectually superior and have the need to correct others have a few screws loose and are unhappy souls. If I was at a meeting or a gathering when this person got on its high horse, I would call him or her on it in a nice way that would be embarrassing to that person. Addressing this person as Mr or Mrs perfect a few times might do the trick. If that did not work, I would take it up a notch as Emeril Lagassi would say.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #10  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    oklahoma
    Posts
    42,276
    Quote Originally Posted by lacarnut View Post
    First off, this type of person could never be my friend. People that feel that they are intellectually superior and have the need to correct others have a few screws loose and are unhappy souls. If I was at a meeting or a gathering when this person got on its high horse, I would call him or her on it in a nice way that would be embarrassing to that person. Addressing this person as Mr or Mrs perfect a few times might do the trick. If that did not work, I would take it up a notch as Emeril Lagassi would say.
    Usually people that do this feel very inadequate in other ways and they are trying to compensate.
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •